The Dreaded Google AutoComplete Function

Every notice how Google tries to figure out your search as you type it in? Often it is helpful.

Sometimes not so much.

A Helpful Scorecard to Understand LOST

Tonight is a Sun and Jin episode. They have not seen each other since the end of Season 4!

Jin learned English while they were apart, but he learned it in the 1970s, so he'll probably say "Keep on truckin'" or "groovy."








And we know we have the following teams:

Team Jacob

Jack
Hurley
Sun
Ilana
Richard
Ben
Frank


Team Locke/Smoke Monster

Sawyer
Kate
Jin
Claire
Locke
Others

Team Widmore?

Zoe
Charles
other Others

Dead Guys

Dogen
Jacob
Lennon
Dead Others

And tonight we will learn something else.

Top 10 Signs you Are Obsessed with LOST

So I Was Headed to the WC

I never go by the front desk anymore.

I just knock on the glass and wave at Kimberly.

Just Wondering

Why do we call it a bathroom at work if there is no bath in there? And unless you have young boys, when someone says they have to go to the bathroom it's not to use the bath tub anyway.

Moreover, even when there is no bath tub, just a shower, no one ever calls it a Shower Room.

I am sure someone has riffed on this before, but the thought just popped into my head and it was bothering me.

I think it would be cool if we went Euro on this and started calling it the WC or the Loo.

Totally. Did. Not. See. That. Coming.

Ricky Martin has announced he's gay!

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But I mean, c'mon. Who knew?

Besides everybody.

Meanwhile, The First Accounting Tsunami from Health Care Reform

And so it begins:

In the past several days, several major corporations have announced substantial writedowns in response to the new health care law. These include Deere & Co. ($150 million), Caterpillar ($100 million), AK Steel Holding ($31 million), and 3M ($85–90 million). Yesterday, AT&T joined the list, announcing it would take a $1 billion charge against future earnings. A CreditSuisse analyst cited in both stories estimated the total first-quarter hit to S&P 500 firms will be $4.5 billion.

The writedowns are in response to the loss of a tax-free subsidy for providing prescription drug coverage to retirees. Several years ago, Congress decided it was better to induce corporations to provide prescription drug coverage for retirees than to have the costs paid by Medicare, so it enacted a tax-free subsidy, while still allowing companies to take a tax deduction for the coverage . Under the health care reforms Congress just enacted, however, the deduction will be eliminated in 2013.

Why are the companies announcing these changes? And why now if the tax change does not take effect until 2013? Because failure to do so could get the companies in trouble with the SEC. Under standard accounting rules, companies are supposed to take the charge in the quarter in which the tax law change is enacted, not when it takes effect. Because the first quarter ends Wednesday, more writedown announcements may be forthcoming.

Rep. Henry "The Pig Man" Waxman "has summoned some of the nation's top executives to Capitol Hill to defend their assessment that the new national health care reform law will cost their companies hundreds of millions of dollars in health insurance expenses. Waxman is also demanding that the executives give lawmakers internal company documents related to health care finances -- a move one committee Republican describes as "an attempt to intimidate and silence opponents of the Democrats' flawed health care reform legislation."

Waxman, a powerful Congressman who many describe as "a F*&^%$g idiot," is dismayed that so many corporations have responded so negatively to the new health care reform bill.

The new law is designed to expand coverage and bring down costs, so your assertions [that the bill will increase costs and will likely result in these companies terminating their employee health care plans]are a matter of concern.

Congressman "Extra Chromosome" Waxman is apparently wholly unfamiliar with a concept known as "math." In the interest of helping him understand, here is a handy example from the New Yorker:

Take a medium-sized firm that employs a hundred people earning $40,000 each—a private security firm based in Atlanta, say—and currently offers them health-care insurance worth $10,000 a year, of which the employees pay $2,500. This employer’s annual health-care costs are $750,000 (a hundred times $7,500). In the reformed system, the firm’s workers, if they didn’t have insurance, would be eligible for generous subsidies to buy private insurance. For example, a married forty-year-old security guard whose wife stayed home to raise two kids could enroll in a non-group plan for less than $1,400 a year, according to the Kaiser Health Reform Subsidy Calculator. (The subsidy from the government would be $8,058.)

In a situation like this, the firm has a strong financial incentive to junk its group coverage and dump its workers onto the taxpayer-subsidized plan. Under the new law, firms with more than fifty workers that don’t offer coverage would have to pay an annual fine of $2,000 for every worker they employ, excepting the first thirty. In this case, the security firm would incur a fine of $140,000 (seventy times two), but it would save $610,000 a year on health-care costs. If you owned this firm, what would you do? Unless you are unusually public spirited, you would take advantage of the free money that the government is giving out. Since your employees would see their own health-care contributions fall by more than $1,100 a year, or almost half, they would be unlikely to complain. And even if they did, you would be saving so much money you afford to buy their agreement with a pay raise of, say, $2,000 a year, and still come out well ahead.

Reached for comment, Congressman Waxman replied: "I was told there would be no math."

For those consumed with this issue (and I support health care reform in general, but not this piece of crap that cannot possibly work), here is what the celebrated CBO analysis tells us:

By 2019, it says, the bills passed by the House and Senate will have cut the number of uninsured Americans by thirty-two million, raised the percentage of people with some form of health-care coverage from eighty-three per cent to ninety-four per cent, and reduced the federal deficit by a cumulative $143 billion. If all of these predictions turn out to be accurate, ObamaCare will go down as one of the most successful and least costly government initiatives in history. At no net cost to the taxpayer, it will have filled a gaping hole in the social safety net and solved a problem that has frustrated policymakers for decades.

According to the C.B.O., between now and 2019 the net cost of insuring new enrollees in Medicaid and private insurance plans will be $788 billion, but other provisions in the legislation will generate revenues and cost savings of $933 billion. Subtract the first figure from the second and—voila!—you get $143 billion in deficit reduction.

Hurray!

That is totally AWESOME. Kuumbaya, everyone. Kuumbaya.

But wait a second! The bulk of the cost savings—more than $450 billion—comes from cuts in Medicare payments to doctors and other health-care providers. Will these really happen?

Survey says: AARP!

Then there is the whole David Copperfield "accounting gimmickry." These are the accounting practices that are not generally accepted.

The C.B.O. counts as revenues more than $50 million in Social Security taxes and $70 billion in payments towards a new home-care program, which will eventually prove very costly, and it doesn’t count some $50 billion in discretionary spending. After excluding these pieces of trickery and the questionable Medicare cuts, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, a former head of the C.B.O., has calculated that the reform will actually raise the deficit by $562 billion in the first ten years. “The budget office is required to take written legislation at face value and not second-guess the plausibility of what it is handed,” he wrote in the Times. “So fantasy in, fantasy out.”

So you see, sports fans, all of this is leading us nowhere and is more likely than not going to make things much, much worse.

Which is kind of too bad, because there really was a simple solution.

Previously, on 24

Oh no! Jack Bauer has been cancelled.

Damn that Obama! I knew he was soft on terrorism!

Oh, Chloe! How can we survive without you?

Season finale, May 24. I hear that Bauer is going to put in half day and then go see a Cubs game.

I am Not Making This Up

Yes, new "Bee Sniffing Technology"!

As far back as 1999, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) Controlled Biological Systems Program funded a bee-training program to detect buried landmines, so that many thousands of acres of the world’s land could be productively farmed without encountering landmines the ugly way.

A bee’s natural instinct is to extend its proboscis when it encounters a desirable odor, anticipating the taste of a flower, let’s say. But the bees used in the 1999 DARPA experiment were trained, via classical Pavlovian conditioning, to respond to the odor of TNT instead. Their reward when they responded with a Proboscis Extension Reflex (PER), was a taste of sweet syrup. Then, trainers attached small diodes onto the backs of TNT-trained bees and used handheld radar tracking devices to chart where the bees went.

In 2010, bee training in the fields of defense and security, medicine, food, and building industries is big business. Bee training is essentially the same as it was in 1999, but the results are attained with more sophisticated and less expensive technology.

Less surly than the TSA, yet they might actually accomplish something.

Inconceivable.

If Government Mandated Equality

Special shoes make everyone exactly the same height!

I don't think this is ridiculous at all, which is why I am such a big supporter of health care reform.

Stress Relief/Anger Management

My friend Blake, a true Renaisance Man if ever there was one, writes:

Just in case you are having a rough day - and I know you work a lot of hours this time of year - here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily.

It really does work, so give it a try.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air, and you feel the warmth of the sun throughout your body.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity..

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work!

You're smiling already, aren't you?

Thanks Blake!

Shut the...you know the rest

Okay, so Obama made some recess appointments over the weekend.

Big deal. Every President makes recess appointments. It's his administration. Let him have his own people. If they are total screw ups or card carrying commies that will get out (see also, Anita Dunn, Van Jones).

To listen to the Republicans you'd think zombies are attacking. Come to think of it, I kind of wish they would attack Washington. But I digress.

Note to Republicans: Don't be such cry babys! Nobody likes a cry baby. Or a hypocrite.

Note to Democrats: Just shut up. You are a bunch of hypocrites, too.

Note to my left of center friend Tammy: Sure glad there is no media bias!

Here is the NY Times in 2006:

It is disturbing that President Bush has exhibited a grandiose vision of executive power that leaves little room for public debate, the concerns of the minority party or the supervisory powers of the courts. But it is just plain baffling to watch him take the same regal attitude toward a Congress in which his party holds solid majorities in both houses.

Seizing the opportunity presented by the Congressional holiday break, Mr. Bush announced 17 recess appointments -- a constitutional gimmick that allows a president to appoint someone when Congress is in recess to a job that normally requires Senate approval. The appointee serves until the next round of Congressional elections.

This end run around Senate confirmation was built into the Constitution to allow the president to quickly fill vacancies that came up when lawmakers were out of town, to keep the government running smoothly in times when travelers and mail moved by horseback and Congress met part time.

Modern presidents have employed this power to place nominees who ran into political trouble in the Senate. Presidents Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton made scores of recess appointments. But both of them faced a Congress controlled by the opposition party, while the Senate has been under Republican control for Mr. Bush's entire five years in office.

In some cases, Mr. Bush has used the recess appointment power to rescue egregiously bad selections that would never pass muster on grounds of experience and competence. (Remember last year's recess appointment of the undiplomatic and Congressionally unacceptable John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations.) In other cases, he has merely sought to avoid logjams that the White House created for itself by refusing to accommodate reasonable Democratic requests for information, documents and consultation.

Here is the NY Times editorial on the same subject today:


Oh wait! There is no editorial today, because the NY Times says that recess appointments are bad only when Republicans do it. Come to think of it, they think that everything Republicans do is bad (and a lot of it is). If Democrats do the exact same thing, well, that's just good government at work. Ends justify means.

Ditto CBS, ABC, NBC, PBS, CNN and MSNBC. Fox is the same, just in reverse.

I don't care that the media is biased. What I care about is that they pretend that they aren't. Everyone has their biases! Duh!

And the most biased people are those who say they aren't biased.

And yeah, I am still pissed about Kansas State, Baylor and Kentucky losing this weekend.

Weather Forecast

As a public service I am now offering my own weather forecast.

Today
Sucks
Rain/Thunder Wind
Damp
Cold
Chance of Rain 1000%

Monday
Really Sucks
Showers
Damp
Cool
Son of a Bee Sting I am sick of cold damp days.
Also sick of Al Gore.

Tuesday
Semi Sucks - I need some damn warm weather!
Partly Cloudy
At least LOST is on
Still Too Chilly
Curse you, Al Gore!
At least there is a Mart waiting for me at the end of the day.

Wednesday
Not Totally Sucky
Partly Cloudy
mid to upper 60s - AT LEAST IT BETTER BE!

Thursday
Dude!
Partly Cloudy
But almost 70
Officially G&T Season

Friday
Mostly Awesome with a 100% chance of a Cold Beer
High 76°F
Low 49°F
Precip 10 %

Saturday
Partly Awesome
Newcastle $7.99 at World Market, Baby.
High 79°F
Low 53°F
Precip 20 %

Sunday
Cloudy, but at least it's warm
Betsy's family coming for dinner
I’ll be at work anyway
High 74°F
Low 50°F
Precip 10 %

Monday
Sunny, but in an Andy Bernard sort of way
High 67°F
Low 50°F
Precip 0 %

Tuesday
Most Excellent!
Scwinnnnggg.
Plus LOST!
Martini? Oh, I think so.
Sunny
High 69°F
Low 50°F
Precip 0 %

High Stakes Bracket Cliffhanger

The movie Cliffhanger is one of my guilty pleasures. Great action scenes coupled with some really bad acting and a Wisconsin cheesy plot - plus an angsty Sylvester Stallone - it really doesn't get much better. (Okay, Point Break is close.)

Anyway, the last scene features arch-villain John Lithgow (who my wife and I ran into at the Algonquin Hotel bar several years ago, and he's really tall, like 6'4"), who has been taunted the whole movie by the shirtless Sylvester Stallone high in the Rockies at 50 below zero trying to recover the $80 million dollars he hijacked.



Although he is an arch super villain wanted by Interpol for doing countless dastardly deeds, Lithgow's character, Eric Qualen, keeps falling for these really stupid ploys by Stallone's character, Gabe Walker. And although Qualen's gang has countless automatic weapons they can't shoot as well as Kentucky, and after last night we all know Kentucky can't shoot either. Bastards.

At the end he gets really frustrated and screams out, "DAMN YOU WALKER!" in a silly British accent. Then he plummets to his death.

Where am I going with this?

DAMN YOU, TOOD BEALER! (My bracket plummets to its death.)

Like Eric Qualen, I won't get the money either.

How to Solve a Major Problem The Easy Way

I don't hate government (contrary to popular opinion).

Government is a necessary evil that is capable of doing many good things. But we should never confuse the desire to do something good with actually doing something good.

Government is very limited in its ability to get things done. It has an inherent tendency to do things inefficiently and at a far higher cost than the private sector for a very simple reason - its motivation is not to make a profit. There is very little - perhaps nothing - that anyone can do to change this. It's Adam Smith 101.

Not everyone agrees with this analysis. No matter how passionate or well intentioned such people may be, they are, of course, just wrong. It's one of those issues we like to debate, but unfortunately there isn't anything to debate. It's a waste of oxygen, much like Joe Biden. The whole of human history proves that this is the way of the world, wholly inseparable from the human nature.

You cannot change human nature, as LOST teaches us.

Every so I often you come across an article like this one in the Wall Street Journal. (From Instapundit.)

It turns out there really is growing inequality in America. It’s the 45% premium in pay and benefits that government workers receive over the poor saps who create wealth in the private economy. And the gap is growing. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), from 1998 to 2008 public employee compensation grew by 28.6%, compared with 19.3% for private workers. In the recession year of 2009, with almost no inflation and record budget deficits, more than half the states awarded pay raises to their employees. Even as deficits in state capitals widen and are forcing cuts in services, few politicians are willing to eliminate these pay inequities.

What if government workers earned the average of what private workers earn? States and localities would save $339 billion a year from their more than $2.1 trillion budgets. These savings are larger than the combined estimated deficits for 2010 and 2011 of every state in America. In a separate survey, the federal Bureau of Economic Analysis compares the compensation of public versus private workers in each of the 50 states. Perhaps not coincidentally, the pay gap is widest in states that have the biggest budget deficits, such as New Jersey, Nevada and Hawaii. Of the 40 states that have a budget deficit so far this year, 28 would have a balanced budget were it not for the windfall to government workers.”

Every non-government employee - and there are far more of us than there are government employees - should be seething when they read this. The solution is very simple. Painfully simple.

REDUCE THE SALARY AND BENEFITS OF EVERY SINGLE GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE BY 45%. Cut by 10% a year every year for four years.

Then one day in the very near future every single citizen in every single state would wake up and say "Deficit? What deficit?"

Can it really be that simple?

Why yes, it is.

This is why no one in government could ever possibly figure it out.

Glad to get that off my chest.

Re The Front Desk

I think management issued a "fatwah" against those who walk within 3 meters of the reception desk during the hours of 8-5, M-F.

This is SERIOUS.

Dr. Phil: DB

Next we'll learn that Nancy Pelosi is like, a really bad person and not the sweet, obsessed with plastic surgery megalomaniac we have all come to know and love.

LOS ANGELES (March 24) — A shoplifting case that began with a televised confession on the “Dr. Phil” show led a San Diego judge Monday to condemn TV personality Phil McGraw as “a terrible, terrible man” and “a charlatan.”

District Court Judge Irma Gonzalez unloaded on Dr. Phil as she sentenced a couple to prison for running a $100,000 shoplifting ring in which they used their three young children as decoys, and sold the stolen merchandise through Web sites. The couple discussed their exploits on a “Dr. Phil” episode, “Shoplifting Confessions,” in November 2008.

The Eatons went on the TV show to get help ending their compulsion to shoplift, but show officials pressed them to exaggerate their exploits, their lawyer told the court, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune. The couple brought along a home video of one of their trips, using the children to distract store clerks, and seemed more interested in bragging than in getting help giving up their livelihood, according to earlier reports.

“What a charlatan this man is,” the judge was quoted as saying during the sentencing. “What a terrible, terrible man.”

And They'll Manage Health care with the Same Competence & Efficiency

Fake Products and Companies Certified by Energy Star

The Government Accountability Office Punk'd Energy Star recently by submitting fake products and companies for certification. The Environmental Protection Agency's arbiters of efficiency standards rubber-stamped 15 out of 20 bogus products and a handful of fake firms became Energy Star Partners. Here are three of our favorite fabrications.


1. Tropical Thunder Appliances
To perform this investigation, the Government Accountability Office's (GAO) March 26, 2010, report states that it "used four bogus manufacturing firms and fictitious individuals to apply for Energy Star partnership." All four qualified. In fact, two of the fake firms received requests for real companies to buy their Energy Star–certified products—none of which exist.

Dummy websites emblazoned with Energy Star Partnerships remain online for each of the four front companies—Cool Rapport (HVAC equipment), Futurizon Solar Innovations (lighting), Spartan Digital Electronics, and Tropical Thunder Appliances.

2. The Feather-Duster Fly-Strip Air Freshener

Ostensibly an indoor air purifier, this item is actually a standard space heater spangled in strips of flypaper, with a feather duster perched up top.

The product was submitted without a standard safety file number from the Underwriters' Laboratories. Plus, the product's website did not include a disclaimer required for Energy Star certification. Last but not least, the garish photo submitted with the product's application portrays what is clearly a feather duster rigged to space heater. Nevertheless, these obstacles proved surmountable—the product was approved in 11 days and became listed on the Energy Star website.

Other great moments in rapid confirmation occurred for submissions of a nonexistent water cooler (approved in four days), a make-believe commercial HVAC unit (approved in one week), a bogus boiler qualified within one business day of submission and a dishwasher that also made the cut in a single day. But the record-setting Usain Bolt of fake Energy Star products has to be an imaginary computer monitor—the EPA requested expedited info so the machine could make a deadline for a Qualified Products list designed to guide shoppers during the 2009 holiday season. The GAO rapidly fired off some falsified test data, and the made-up monitor was approved and online within 30 minutes of submission.

3. The Gasoline-Powered Alarm Clock
On the application for Energy Star certification, this product's description stated that "the item is the size of a small generator and is powered by gasoline." The GAO never devised an image of this piece of nonexistent indoor power equipment, which would presumably make enough noise to temporarily wake consumers before carbon monoxide fumes sent them back to sleep for good. The dimensions are listed as 18 inches tall, 15 inches wide and 10 inches in depth. "Gas-powered clock radio is sleek, durable, easy on your electric bill, and surprisingly quiet," the product's marketing description states.

Approved!

The notion of being easy on the electric bill appears in the description of fake (approved) items that were less patently absurd than this one. The EPA didn't bat an eye at a geothermal heat pump that claimed to be fully 20 percent more efficient than qualified products at the top of the category. This gets to the heart of a prior critique of Energy Star—that manufacturers submit their own efficiency data, which isn't subject to independent verification. In the instance of a bogus dehumidifier granted certification (an appliance also billed as 20 percent more efficient than the category leader), the EPA did request an e-mail confirmation on the bogus test data. To get the Energy Star stamp, the GAO spies simply had to stick to the story.

Stories like this just make you feel good about our government, don't they?

Now, let us all join hands for a rousing rendition of "Kuumbaya".

Et Tu, Bealer?

It comes down to this: If Kentucky wins the title then all is right with the world, health care reform notwithstanding. John Calipari, you cheating bastard, you're okay by me!

Some people (me) have Kansas, Kansas State, Baylor and Kentucky in the Final Four. Other people (Bealer) have Kansas, Kansas State, Duke and West Virginia.

And then there is Jessica "Fly in the Ointment" Hodges, who has Kentucky, Duke, Syracuse and Kansas. She's a long shot, but she's also established herself as a tough out.

And finally, Adam "I've Been Winning Since Day One and I am Not Going to Grab Defeat From the Jaws of Victory" Tinker, who has Kansas, Kansas State, Duke and West Virginia. I have included Adam simply to illustrate that he cannot win this bracket under any circumstances.

If Kentucky beats West Virginia, Baylor beats Duke and K State beats Butler then the score will be:

Bealer 64
Hodges 57
Erickson 68
Tinker 59

I refer to this as the "best case scenario" or "as it should be." Beverly, I'll collect my money now. I don't have to understand LOST now. I can afford one of those "Life is good" t-shirts and wear it proudly.

If West Virginia beats Kentucky, Duke beats Baylor and K State beats Butler then the score will be:

Bealer 72
Hodges 61
Erickson 60
Tinker 67

I refer to this as the "worst case scenario" or "son of a bee sting." Darn you, Todd Bealer!

But wait, there's more!

If Kentucky beats West Virginia, Duke beats Baylor and K State beats Butler then the score will be:

Bealer 68
Hodges 65
Erickson 64
Tinker 63

I refer to this as the "too close for comfort" or "it still will work out for the best if Kentucky beats Duke in the Final Four."

If West Virginia beats Kentucky, Baylor beats Duke and K State beats Butler then the score will be:

Bealer 68
Hodges 56
Erickson 64
Tinker 63

I refer to this as the "can't suck enough" or "I haven't felt this sick since Pelosi became Speaker." Darn you, Todd Bealer! Again!

If Kentucky beats West Virginia, Duke beats Baylor and Butler beats K State then the score will be:

Bealer 64
Hodges 65
Erickson 64
Tinker 59

I refer to this as the "I hate combinations and permutations" or "it still will work out for the best if Kentucky beats Duke in the Final Four."

King Tightens Grip on Last; Tinker Continues to Lead

Able to Read Division

Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Adam Tinker 552 39 599 43 Kansas (143)
2 Sandy Richards 541 39 576 42 Kansas (162)
3 Leigh Anne Joseph 534 38 568 41 Kansas (128)
4 Connie Leggett 522 38 581 42 Kentucky (159)
5 Andrew Pitts 521 37 580 41 Kentucky (157)
6 Jessica Cooper 520 38 553 41 Kansas (152)
7 Christie Knapper 513 37 561 40 Kentucky (117)
7 Mark Childress 513 36 572 40 Kentucky (145)
9 Whitney Mcgowan 504 37 539 40 Kansas (151)
10 david young 500 37 533 40 Syracuse (165)
11 Edgar Gray 497 36 534 39 Kansas (142)
12 Will Akers 494 36 518 38 Kansas (139)
13 Buddy Hamilton 487 36 547 40 Kentucky (137)
13 greg erickson 487 36 520 39 Kansas (139)
15 Andrew Hartung 485 35 547 39 West Virginia (126)
16 Kelly Fitzpatrick 482 36 530 39 Kentucky (134)
16 Edward Cullen 482 36 530 39 Bella (<3)
17 Amy Holley 477 33 525 36 Kentucky (133)
18 Matthew McGowan 475 34 510 37 Kansas (147)
19 Hallie Richards 474 35 507 38 Kansas (132)
19 John Bailes 474 34 545 39 Kentucky (160)
21 Ben Alexander 471 35 495 37 Kansas (148)
22 Kristen Hicks 467 33 527 37 Kentucky (143)
22 Todd Bealer 467 35 503 38 Kansas (133)
24 Danny Pressley 466 33 525 37 Duke (137)
25 Robert Freeman 457 34 479 36 Kansas (147)
26 Allison Pressley 454 33 478 35 Kansas (160)
26 David Reynolds 454 33 513 37 Duke (141)
28 Bill Kelso 448 32 485 35 Kansas (130)
29 Jeff Hodge 435 33 483 36 Kentucky (158)
30 Clay Irby 434 31 469 34 Kansas (145)
31 Sam Erickson 433 32 467 35 Kansas (155)
32 David Babb 420 32 455 35 Kansas (150)
33 Jim McCollum 412 31 445 34 Kansas (132)
34 Eric Bailes 408 26 467 30 Kentucky (159)
35 Phyllis Hodge 407 31 440 34 Kansas (183)
36 Debbie Jones 398 31 445 35 Kansas (160)
37 Mark King 392 30 451 34 Duke (143)

Rain Man Division

Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Sandy Richards 541 39 576 42 Kansas (162)
2 Bill Kelso 473 34 508 37 Kansas (130)
3 Melissa Miller (2) 454 34 503 38 Syracuse (142)
4 Melissa Miller (1) 439 32 498 36 Kentucky (171)
5 Clay Irby 434 31 469 34 Kansas (145)
6 Steve Richards 422 32 455 35 Kansas (150)
7 Sam Pressley 395 30 429 33 Kansas (155)

Can't Follow Instructions But At Least Our Brackets Are Decent Division

Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Andrew Childress 512 36 545 39 Kansas (138)
2 Bill Kelso 509 37 546 40 Kansas (130)
3 Sandy Richards 482 36 517 39 Kansas (162)
4 Glenn Sharp 477 35 510 38 Kansas (143)
5 LESLEY DAVIS 429 33 488 37 Kentucky (2)

Jim McCollum High Stakes Division
SPONSORED BY BEVERLY MACK


Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Todd Bealer 60 38 77 42 Kansas (133)
2 Jessica Hodges 57 38 70 41 Kansas (152)
3 greg erickson 56 37 79 42 Kentucky (161)
4 Adam Tinker 55 36 72 40 Kansas (145)
4 Paul Burris 55 35 68 38 Kansas (131)
4 Sandy Richards 55 36 68 39 Kansas (162)
7 Robby Vincill 54 37 62 39 Kansas (150)
8 Bette Brady 53 37 68 40 Kentucky (168)
9 Allison Pressley 52 36 65 39 Kansas (159)
9 Jeff Potter 52 36 69 40 Kansas (164)
11 David Belcher 51 35 64 38 Kansas (133)
11 DavidLaura Belcher 51 35 64 38 Syracuse (136)
11 Leigh Anne Joseph 51 35 64 38 Kansas (132)
14 gabe beck 50 34 63 37 Kansas (155)
14 Jim McCollum 50 33 63 36 Kansas (136)
16 david young 49 35 62 38 Kansas (155)
16 jason brady 49 35 64 38 Kentucky (138)
16 Laura Belcher 49 33 68 37 Kentucky (156)
16 Rachel McCollum 49 32 62 35 Kansas (144)
20 Danny Pressley 47 32 66 36 Kentucky (137)
20 Jeremy Shoop 47 33 60 36 Kansas (133)
20 larry brady 47 33 56 35 Kansas (180)
20 Tom Welch 47 33 60 36 Kansas (163)
24 David Babb 46 30 65 34 Kentucky (150)
24 Pat O'Connor 46 32 55 34 Kansas (145)
24 Steve Richards 46 33 61 36 Kentucky (155)
24 Tom Joseph 46 33 59 36 Syracuse (145)
28 Kristen Hicks 44 32 63 36 Kentucky (144)
28 Sam Pressley 44 31 57 34 Kansas (155)
30 Andrew Pitts 43 32 58 35 Kentucky (157)
31 Bill Kelso 38 27 47 29 Kansas (130)
31 Tom Joseph 38 26 47 28 Syracuse (146)

Can This Possibly Be True?

Travel has certainly changed since the 1960s.

Sometimes on Mad Men I think they're exaggerating when theey have a three martini lunch or grab a glass of bourbon before, during and after a big client meeting.

Then I see something like this. As Vizzini said in The Princess Bride: Inconceivable!

No wonder we won World War II.

Just as Awesome 45 Years Later

Shaken, not stirred.

Very dry. Sub-Saharan desert dry.

With a twist.

Lime if possible.

Two words: YUMMY!

I Am Not Making This Up!

The most awesome shoes ever!

Cooler than Edward Cullen (if that's possible).

The only word that comes to mind when I see these shoes is CLOSET, and I don't mean where these would be stored.

The Brutal Honesty of the 1960s

Advertising has changed a lot since then, but I am not sure that's a good thing.

Because Nothing Says Cool Like a Plaid Vest and a Blender

Hmmm...

A painting from Charles Widmore's office.

Someone's Mom and Dad Were Mean! Or Very Funny.

Not making this up, either.

Would you believe there is actually an actor named "Ben Dova"?

Well there is!

For Loyal Reader Clay "Irby Cowboy" Irby

Previously, on 24:

Last week CTU headquarters was blown up by a bomb hidden in a car driven by Generic Islamic Republic President Sham's daughter Kayla, who was guided straight from the terrorist hideout to the CTU entrance tunnel by the crack CTU team. That's right: The agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorism, through its own cluelessness, managed to get itself incapacitated by a terrorist bomb.

So now, with CTU even more dysfunctional than usual, there is nobody to stop the terrorists from bringing the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom into Manhattan except our boy Jack Bauer, who has fully recovered from being stabbed in the stomach by his girlfriend Renee three hours ago and is now, we hope, going to swing into action, by which we mean something more than shouting into the phone.

Speaking of the terrorists: Kayla's boyfriend Tarin is apparently still one of them, since he set Kayla up to be disintegrated, although she managed to get out of the car just in time, so maybe they will still have Feelings for each other.

In subplot action:

Bill Prady, the world's most diligent parole officer, is hanging around asking Dana pesky questions about her ex-boyfriend Kevin. We have no idea where this subplot is going, but it refuses to go away, so we're starting to wonder if maybe Agent Walsh is a mole, seeing as how CTU is required by law to always have one on the payroll.

Edgar is still dead.

UPDATE: The terrorists set off a Dramatically Sparking Wires Bomb.

UPDATE: "Agent Skaggs?"

UPDATE: Phil can shut down all bridge and tunnel traffic into the city. Phil has that power.

UPDATE: Those terrorists are some BAD shots.

UPDATE: I love when they tell where the bad guys are using the o'clock system.

UPDATE: That guy is SO clearly fake that only a moron, or Hastings, would believe him.

UPDATE: Unless I am wrong.

UPDATE: This here is some really bad acting.

UPDATE: Check out Jack's tasteful bachelor apartment!

UPDATE: YES! CHLOE!

UPDATE: The lesson: Never get between a woman and her trunk line.

UPDATE: Meanwhile, Jack and the terrorists are setting a world record for Most Missed Shots.

UPDATE: It's a good thing everybody thought to bring along 67 million bullets.

UPDATE: Chloe has taken precautions.

UPDATE: Hastings does not appear surprised that a probation officer from Arkansas would appear at CTU headquarters at 5 a.m. during a terrorist attack.

UPDATE: Jack is hit! But it's only a bullet wound. He will be fine. This is the shootingest episode EVER. But it does lead one to ask how come Renee could find Jack in, what, 11 minutes, while CTU had to wait for Chloe to get into the trunk line.

UPDATE: Agent Walsh is definitely not following normal agent procedures.

UPDATE: Well knock us down with a feather. Agent Walsh IS a mole.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack is fine!

Dave Barry is awesome!

Health Care Headline of the Week

Witch doctor' fed blind motorcyclist LSD-laced gherkins
A ‘witch doctor’ has been jailed for eight months after claiming he could cure a blind man – by feeding him gherkins laced with LSD.

Jobless hairdresser Patrick Baecker, 35, posed as a mystic healer and told Axel Pfeffer he would make him see for £20,000.

The court in Fehmarn, Germany, heard how the former motorcyclist had tried everything to restore his sight after losing it in a crash.

But instead Baecker fed him pickles laced with powerful mind-bending hallucinogenic drugs to induce visions.

‘You are a hairdresser, not a shaman,’ Judge Markus Faerber told Baecker in court.

No Relation To Me. My Son Maybe...

MALMO, Sweden, March 25 (UPI) -- The warden of a Swedish jail said a prisoner received an official warning for voicing his discontent toward his situation via flatulence.

Anders Eriksson, warden of the Kirseberg prison in Malmo, said guards filed numerous complaints against the 21-year-old prisoner, who was not named, alleging "a series of concerted attacks" in the form of the prisoner's constant wind-breaking, Britain's The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday.

"I have worked within the prisons and probation service since 1986 and I have never experienced a situation where behavior of this sort has led to punishment," Eriksson said in an interview with Sweden's Metro newspaper.

Prison authorities said the prisoner revealed the motive for his flatulence.

"I had an upset stomach while I was playing cards but did not want to fart there. So I went over to the guards instead," he was quoted as saying.

The prisoner was issued an official warning and could face punishment for any future attacks of intentional flatulence, Eriksson said.

And yes, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Just Saying, Part XXIII

I have never cared for the term "sobering thought" for obvious reasons.

A Milestone is Reached

Holly Gibson won a free pack of staples from Staples for being the 500th person to walk past Kimberly's desk this week.

Congratulations, Holly!

Big Night Tonight.

Go Vols.

UPDATE: Mark King will not be in the office today, as he injured his neck looking at the standings.

Observation: Alison Pressley couldn’t trash talk her way out of Shannondale. For the record, however, Allison and I have climbed to 5th and 7th in Jim McCollum's High Stakes Bracket (sponsored by Beverly Mack). Allison (the second "l" is silent) notes that I lead the high stakes bracket with 43 correct, a feat she refers to as "cheating." Allison's Final Four? Kansas, West Virginia, Syracuse and Duke. What's that sound? Oh no! That was Allison's bracket falling in the standings. Don't forget to pick up your parting gift. I gave it to Danny.

Intern David Reynolds writes:

I am number 24! Excellent! And Will Akers keeps stealing my pencil!

David appears to have been overly excited with his Happy Meal.

Todd Bealer has quietly risen to a tie for second in the High Stakes Bracket (sponsored by Beverly Mack). Todd looks like a candidate to replace Jacob with his Final Four of Kansas , West Virginia, Duke and Kansas State.

FOR THE RECORD: Only one 12 seed (Cornell) beat a 5 seed this year. Disappointing. But still, if you fail to pick a 12 to beat a 5 you are not paying attention. Much like Adam Tinker, who, though dominating to this point in the tournament, has yet again forgotten to shave.

My friend Graeme in Australia writes to tell me that shark attacks are down the last few years. I reminded him, however, that the primary food source for sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries.

In second place overall, Leigh Anne Joseph writes:

I think this might be my year!

Indeed it might. Leigh Anne has K State in the Final Four, along with Kansas, Kentucky and Villanova. Ouch. Thanks for playing, Leigh Anne. You still have an excellent shot at being the first loser!

The always dangerous (and past winner) Connie Leggett is lurking in fourth place like a coyote about to devour a house cat. The always stealthy Mark Childress is biding his time in fifth, hoping that Ohio State...wait a minute, Ohio State? You picked Ohio State over Tennessee? Dude?

The always cheerful Jill Green writes:

You r funny!!!! ; ).

These kind words were quickly brought into perspective by Kathy Seagrist, however, who wrote:

Shut the ^%$* up.

And not to be out done, Gina Kent writes (often). Included among her 11 emails to date – one shy of the record held jointly by John “I like to my blood pressure high” Bailes, Kristen “Ad Space Available” Hicks and Debbie “Ritalin” Jones (only three of which were billable) - was this comment:

Joe Biden is not as stupid as he seems!

.

Undoubtedly true. He likely much stupider in real life.

Finally, an anonymous auditor (Andrew Pitts) writes:

I know what's going to happen next on LOST. Unfortunately I'll be out of the office for several weeks....

The Standings

Can Follow Instructions Division


Rank Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion

1 Adam Tinker 528 37 611 44 Kansas (143)
2 Leigh Anne Joseph 523 37 580 42 Kansas (128)
3 Sandy Richards 517 37 576 42 Kansas (162)
4 Connie Leggett 511 37 593 43 Kentucky (159)
5 Mark Childress 502 35 608 43 Kentucky (145)
6 Andrew Pitts 494 35 580 41 Kentucky (157)
7 Jessica Cooper 493 36 553 41 Kansas (152)
8 Buddy Hamilton 487 36 587 43 Kentucky (137)
8 Christie Knapper 487 35 597 43 Kentucky (117)
10 Will Akers 483 35 518 38 Kansas (139)
11 Whitney Mcgowan 480 35 539 40 Kansas (151)
12 Amy Holley 477 33 525 36 Kentucky (133)
13 david young 476 35 545 41 Syracuse (165)
14 Andrew Hartung 474 34 547 39 West Virginia (126)
15 Edgar Gray 468 34 534 39 Kansas (142)
16 Kristen Hicks 467 33 539 38 Kentucky (143)
17 Matthew McGowan 464 33 510 37 Kansas (147)
18 greg erickson 463 34 532 40 Kansas (139)
18 John Bailes 463 33 557 40 Kentucky (160)
20 Ben Alexander 460 34 495 37 Kansas (148)
21 Danny Pressley 455 32 561 40 Duke (137)
21 Kelly Fitzptrck 455 34 530 39 Kentucky (134)
23 Hallie Richards 450 33 507 38 Kansas (132)
24 Robert Freeman 446 33 491 37 Kansas (147)
25 Allison Pressley 443 32 490 36 Kansas (160)
25 David Reynolds 443 32 549 40 Duke (141)
27 Todd Bealer 440 33 503 38 Kansas (133)
28 Bill Kelso 435 31 497 36 Kansas (130)
29 Clay Irby 423 30 469 34 Kansas (145)
30 Sam Erickson 422 31 467 35 Kansas (155)
31 Jeff Hodge 419 32 497 37 Kentucky (158)
32 David Babb 409 31 467 36 Kansas (150)
33 Phyllis Hodge 396 30 440 34 Kansas (183)
34 Jim McCollum 388 29 457 35 Kansas (132)
35 Debbie Jones 387 30 445 35 Kansas (160)
36 Eric Bailes 381 24 467 30 Kentucky (159)
36 Mark King 381 29 463 35 Duke (143)

Joe Biden Division

Rank Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Andrew Childress 485 34 545 39 Kansas (138)
1 Bill Kelso 485 35 558 41 Kansas (130)
3 Glenn Sharp 466 34 522 39 Kansas (143)
4 Sandy Richards 458 34 517 39 Kansas (162)
5 LESLEY DAVIS 418 32 488 37 Kentucky (2)

Dan Quayle Division

Rank Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Sandy Richards 517 37 576 42 Kansas (162)
2 Bill Kelso 449 32 520 38 Kansas (130)
3 Melissa Miller (1) 428 31 498 36 Kentucky (171)
4 Melissa Miller (2) 427 32 503 38 Syracuse (142)
5 Clay Irby 423 30 469 34 Kansas (145)
6 Steve Richards 411 31 455 35 Kansas (150)
7 Sam Pressley 384 29 441 34 Kansas (155)

Jim McCollum High Stakes Division
Sponsored by Beverly Mack


Rank Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Adam Tinker 52 35 75 41 Kansas (145)
2 Jessica Hodges 51 36 70 41 Kansas (152)
2 Robby Vincill 51 36 65 40 Kansas (150)
2 Todd Bealer 51 35 77 42 Kansas (133)
5 Bette Brady 50 36 71 41 Kentucky (168)
5 greg erickson 50 35 82 43 Kentucky (161)
7 Allison Pressley 49 35 68 40 Kansas (159)
7 Jeff Potter 49 35 69 40 Kansas (164)
7 Sandy Richards 49 34 68 39 Kansas (162)
10 David Belcher 48 34 64 38 Kansas (133)
11 gabe beck 47 33 66 38 Kansas (155)
11 Jeremy Shoop 47 33 63 37 Kansas (133)
11 Jim McCollum 47 32 63 36 Kansas (136)
14 david young 46 34 62 38 Kansas (155)
14 jason brady 46 34 64 38 Kentucky (138)
14 Laura Belcher 46 32 71 38 Kentucky (156)
14 Paul Burris 46 32 68 38 Kansas (131)
18 DvdLaura Belcher 45 33 67 39 Syracuse (136)
18 Leigh Ann Joseph 45 33 64 38 Kansas (132)
20 Danny Pressley 44 31 69 37 Kentucky (137)
20 Kristen Hicks 44 32 69 38 Kentucky (144)
20 larry brady 44 32 56 35 Kansas (180)
20 Tom Welch 44 32 63 37 Kansas (163)
24 David Babb 43 29 68 35 Kentucky (150)
24 Rachel McCollum 43 30 62 35 Kansas (144)
24 Steve Richards 43 32 61 36 Kentucky (155)
27 Sam Pressley 41 30 60 35 Kansas (155)
28 Andrew Pitts 40 31 58 35 Kentucky (157)
28 Pat O'Connor 40 30 55 34 Kansas (145)
28 Tom Joseph 40 31 59 36 Syracuse (145)
31 Tom Joseph 38 26 50 29 Syracuse (146)
32 Bill Kelso 35 26 47 29 Kansas (130)

As Seen on The Facebook

Dear Lord,

This past year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze.
My favorite actress, Farah Fawcett.
My favorite singer, Michael Jackson.
My favorite salesman, Billy Mays.

I just wanted you to know that Obama is my favorite president and Nancy Pelosi is my favorite Speaker of the House.

Amen.

Thanks to alert reader Whitney McGowan!

Thought for the Day

[There is a] difference between trying hard to honestly think through tough social problems because you care and mouthing comfortable pieties in an effort to get credit for caring.

- Will Wilkinson

Too bad President Obama doesn't read this blog.

Too bad Joe Biden can't read.

ODU Beats ND! Kathy Seagrist Celebrates!

Her husband steals her car every day after lunch, too.

Someone is Right and Someone is Wrong. And I Never Forget.

Okay, the health care bill got through Congress. You really do have to give Nancy Pelosi credit, which is hard for me to do because I despise her so, but she did her job.

While I am bitterly opposed to it simply because our country cannot afford it, there is always a small chance that I could be wrong. I think our history with Social Security and Medicare bear out my concerns, but maybe this time it will be different.

No one seems to remember all of the doom and gloom that was predicted when welfare reform became law back in 1996. Was welfare reform an overwhelming success? No. But it was moderately successful, which is all you can hope for with any government program. The doom and gloomers were wrong; the reformers were right. In this case the reformers were the Republicans.

Now, 14 years later, the roles are reversed on another piece of major social legislation.

I don't know who'll be right, but I am curious as to whether there is any way to measure the outcome. Because one side will be mostly right and the other mostly wrong.

So who said what? Well here's a good general overview of what the bill's proponents argued:

However "imperfect" this bill is, you got what you wanted: virtually all the uninsured are covered, and those who aren't covered probably aren't particularly unhealthy. So now you should be willing to state that all the marvelous things you claimed would come to pass, will actually come to pass. Over a reasonable time frame. You cannot tell me that we will save hundreds of thousands of lives over a fifty or sixty year time frame. I mean, you can, but then I don't take you seriously. That's a few of thousand lives a year, far lower than the number of American lives claimed annually by "non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs such as aspirin"--at a cost of $200 billion a year, or $70-100 million per life saved. I know, every life is priceless, but US policy cannot actually be operated as if this were true. Moreover, when you stretch out the time frame this way, your theory is non-falsifiable: a few thousand lives a year is too small to be distinguished from statistical noise.

To me, that just won't do. Americans were not told that American households would be 1% less worried about bankruptcy, or that we'd save a hundred thousand lives over thirty years. They were regaled with eye-popping statistics on deaths from lack of health insurance--I certainly was, by many of the very same commenters who are now suddenly wary of prediction making. If you quoted those statistics, you were committing to a pretty strong position on the benefits of this bill. By my count, since we're now supposed to be covering at least 2/3 of those who are currently uninsured, and the remainder are often immigrants who trend younger than the general population, you believe that we should see a reduction of at least 15,000 deaths a year. You might argue me down to 12,000, but you couldn't get me as low as ten. That is what is implied by citing a figure of 20,000 deaths a year.

If you quoted Himmelstein et al's 45,000, obviously you should be expecting deaths to fall by at least 25,000 a year, very conservatively. If we don't see such improvements, then those studies were wrong. And if you won't commit to saying that you expect such a sizable reduction in our mortality rate, then you were wrong to cite them.

I mean, maybe we say that there are a bunch of combo benefits: we reduce bankruptcies by a third, save five thousand lives a year, get some harder-to-measure morbidity benefits, and so on. But there have to be some measurable benefits. If this helps families stave off financial ruin, we should see a meaningful and sustained reduction in the number of bankruptcies. If it improves health, that should show up in life expectancy. If it doesn't, then the bill doesn't do what you said you expected it to do. That's valuable information! Not so much about you, as about health care bills.

Of course, all of these benefits won't happen overnight, especially since the bill back loads everything that really matters except for the tax increases. But we'll see how it all plays out, won't we?

Sound Familiar?

In standard orbit around an iron-silica-type uncharted planet, the USS Enterprise prepares to complete its survey, when everything within sensor range suddenly "blinks", almost as if the universe is on the verge of ceasing to exist. And, in the wake of this, a man appears on the surface of the planet, where moments earlier there was no life.

Beaming down, Captain Kirk, Spock, and the landing party encounter a man. Dirty, and disheveled, he falls from a rock. The landing party returns to the Enterprise with him, where Kirk learns more news – the strange phenomena drained the dilithium crystals almost completely. Still worse, Starfleet issues a Code Factor 1 message – invasion status. The effect experienced by the Enterprise was also experienced everywhere in the galaxy, and far beyond. Starfleet withdraws all nearby ships – Kirk and Enterprise are the bait.

Kirk talks to his "guest" – a man named Lazarus, who is pursuing a "thing", a monster who destroyed his entire civilization. Beaming down, Kirk learns from Spock that there is no other creature here. Accusing Lazarus of lying, Kirk demands the truth – and the universe turns inside out. The same "winking" phenomenon occurs again. And Lazarus... first he has a bandaged forehead, and then he doesn't, and then he does again.

Meanwhile, Spock has discovered a source of radiation that is not there – a "rip" in the universe, where regular physical laws do not apply. The key to locating this source seems to be the dilithium crystals – a revelation which excites Lazarus, who demands the impossible: that Kirk give him the crystals.

The captain refuses, but Lazarus overpowers two engineering officers and steals two crystals, nevertheless.

Kirk confronts him, but he denies it, blaming his monster. And the evidence suggests he isn't the thief, for the crystals are not aboard his ship. Back aboard the Enterprise, Kirk confronts Lazarus with his lies, and learns that Lazarus distorted a fact: he is a time traveler. The dead world Enterprise orbits is the distant future of his destroyed homeworld; the place and time he has traveled to in pursuit of the monster.

Speculating, Kirk and Spock conclude that the strange energy must come from a source outside the universe. A source in another universe. There are two copies of Lazarus, and they are periodically exchanging places through a kind of door – and if they ever exist in the same universe at the same time, everything, everywhere, will be annihilated in a cataclysmic matter/antimatter explosion.

Meanwhile, the alternative Lazarus steal the ship's energy crystals, then beams down. Kirk pursues. As he attempts to enter Lazarus' spaceship, he vanishes, hurled through the corridor into the other universe.

Once there, he meets the other Lazarus, the sane Lazarus, and learns the truth. Anti-Lazarus' people discovered how to pass through the negative magnetic corridor that both connects and protects the two universes. When this happened, Lazarus couldn't bear the knowledge that he had a duplicate, and resolved to destroy his other. He is mad and doesn't care if this causes the death of two universes. Anti-Lazarus and Kirk realize he must be stopped: if Kirk can force Lazarus into the corridor, Anti-Lazarus can hold him there, and Kirk can destroy his spaceship – which will also destroy Anti-Lazarus' spaceship. Access to the corridor will be sealed forever, and both universes will be safe. And two men named Lazarus will be at each others' throats for the remainder of eternity. Kirk goes back through the corridor and in a hand to hand combat throws Lazarus into the corridor. Back on board Kirk orders the Enterprise to fire phasers at the time ship which then disappears in both universes; both Lazarus are trapped forever in the corridor and both universes are saved.

Thought for the Day

Proud Warrior

When Hyphenation Goes Wrong (A New Reality Show)

Vampire Humor

In Which The ESC Key Lives Up To Its Name

Told You So

So You Think YOU Had a Bad Day?

From the Joe Biden Homework Archives

New Excuses as April 15th Looms

Every American loves to file his or her tax return each year. But as it has been a tough year, we are offering some helpful excuses to those who are not prepared to file this year.

10. My return was hijacked by Somali pirates.
9. Tim Geithner was going to handle that for me.
8. Gave it up for Lent this year.
7. My money is all tied up in my California refund.
6. Turns out my accountant was also sleeping with Tiger Woods.
5. I'm using the Rangel method this year so I have nothing to report.
4. You know that Stimulus Bill that no one read? Turns out there was this clause...
3. I was just too excited that they finally caught Roman Polanski.
2. You mean there is a difference between eHarmony and eFile?
1. Taxes? Uh, no, I don't think so. I'm in Obama's Cabinet.

A Must Read From 1840

I think, then, that the species of oppression by which democratic nations are menaced is unlike anything that ever before existed in the world; our contemporaries will find no prototype of it in their memories. I seek in vain for an expression that will accurately convey the whole of the idea I have formed of it; the old words despotism and tyranny are inappropriate: the thing itself is new, and since I cannot name, I must attempt to define it.

I seek to trace the novel features under which despotism may appear in the world. The first thing that strikes the observation is an innumerable multitude of men, all equal and alike, incessantly endeavoring to procure the petty and paltry pleasures with which they glut their lives. Each of them, living apart, is as a stranger to the fate of all the rest; his children and his private friends constitute to him the whole of mankind. As for the rest of his fellow citizens, he is close to them, but he does not see them; he touches them, but he does not feel them; he exists only in himself and for himself alone; and if his kindred still remain to him, he may be said at any rate to have lost his country.

Above this race of men stands an immense and tutelary power, which takes upon itself alone to secure their gratifications and to watch over their fate. That power is absolute, minute, regular, provident, and mild. It would be like the authority of a parent if, like that authority, its object was to prepare men for manhood; but it seeks, on the contrary, to keep them in perpetual childhood: it is well content that the people should rejoice, provided they think of nothing but rejoicing. For their happiness such a government willingly labors, but it chooses to be the sole agent and the only arbiter of that happiness; it provides for their security, foresees and supplies their necessities, facilitates their pleasures, manages their principal concerns, directs their industry, regulates the descent of property, and subdivides their inheritances: what remains, but to spare them all the care of thinking and the trouble of living?...

After having thus successively taken each member of the community in its powerful grasp and fashioned him at will, the supreme power then extends its arm over the whole community. It covers the surface of society with a network of small complicated rules, minute and uniform, through which the most original minds and the most energetic characters cannot penetrate, to rise above the crowd. The will of man is not shattered, but softened, bent, and guided; men are seldom forced by it to act, but they are constantly restrained from acting. Such a power does not destroy, but it prevents existence; it does not tyrannize, but it compresses, enervates, extinguishes, and stupefies a people, till each nation is reduced to nothing better than a flock of timid and industrious animals, of which the government is the shepherd...

Our contemporaries are constantly excited by two conflicting passions: they want to be led and they wish to remain free. [Emphasis added]

—Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America, Vol. 2, 318–19

Good intentions? Meet the Road to Hell.

Because Government Cost Estimates are Always Accurate

Just saying.

Meanwhile, in McCollum's High Stakes Challenge, Things are Looking Better

Group Standings
Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Jessica Hodges 45 34 80 44 Kansas (152)
1 Robby Vincill 45 34 68 41 Kansas (150)
3 Bette Brady 44 34 71 41 Kentucky (168)
4 Allison Prssley 43 33 75 42 Kansas (159)
5 Todd Bealer 42 32 80 43 Kansas (133)
6 greg erickson 41 32 85 44 Kentucky (161)
7 Adam Tinker 40 31 75 41 Kansas (145)
7 david young 40 32 69 40 Kansas (155)
7 jason brady 40 32 71 40 Kentucky (138)
7 Jeff Potter 40 32 72 41 Kansas (164)
7 Sandy Richards 40 31 75 41 Kansas (162)
12 David Belcher 39 31 71 40 Kansas (133)
12 DvdLaura Blcher 39 31 85 43 Syracuse (136)
12 Lgh Ann Joseph 39 31 71 40 Kansas (132)
15 Danny Pressley 38 29 72 38 Kentucky (137)
15 gabe beck 38 30 73 40 Kansas (155)
15 Jeremy Shoop 38 30 66 38 Kansas (133)
15 Jim McCollum 38 29 70 38 Kansas (136)
15 larry brady 38 30 59 36 Kansas (180)
15 Tom Welch 38 30 70 39 Kansas (163)
21 Laura Belcher 37 29 78 40 Kentucky (156)
21 Paul Burris 37 29 75 40 Kansas (131)
21 Steve Richards 37 30 64 37 Kentucky (155)
21 Tom Joseph 37 30 77 40 Syracuse (145)
25 Kristen Hicks 35 29 69 38 Kentucky (144)
25 Sam Pressley 35 28 67 37 Kansas (155)
27 Andrew Pitts 34 29 65 37 Kentucky (157)
27 David Babb 34 26 75 37 Kentucky (150)
27 Pat O'Connor 34 28 55 34 Kansas (145)
27 Rachel McCollum 34 27 69 37 Kansas (144)
31 Bill Kelso 32 25 47 29 Kansas (130)
32 Tom Joseph 29 23 68 33 Syracuse (146)

Allison Pressley is trash talking.

There will be consequences.

Bette Brady, whoever you are, thanks for picking Vandy all the way to the Final Four. Your bracket, like President Obama's conscience, is dead.

Jessica, your nearly perfect bracket in the West Region is marred only by my Vanderbilt Commodores. Coincidence? My high school principal's name was Xavier. (No kidding.) How you feeling about Xavier in the Elite Eight now?

Normally I'd root for the Taliban if they were playing Kentucky.

But not this year.

Go Cats.

Saw Jeff Potter Thursday night, at which time he claimed to have a perfect bracket. Once again, my Commodores - the team Jeff hates more than nay other - betrayed his bracket like Alger Hiss.

The Standings Heading Into the Sweet Sixteen

Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Adam Tinker 493 34 622 45 Kansas (143)
2 Lgh Ann Joseph 488 34 580 42 Kansas (128)
3 Sandy Richards 482 34 598 44 Kansas (162)
4 Mark Childress 479 33 608 43 Kentucky (145)
5 Chrstie Knapper 476 34 635 46 Kentucky (117)
5 Connie Leggett 476 34 615 45 Kentucky (159)
7 Andrew Pitts 471 33 602 43 Kentucky (157)
8 Jessica Cooper 470 34 591 44 Kansas (152)
9 Amy Holley 454 31 536 37 Kentucky (133)
10 Buddy Hamilton 452 33 598 44 Kentucky (137)
11 Will Akers 448 32 540 40 Kansas (139)
12 Whitney Mcgowan 445 32 561 42 Kansas (151)
13 david young 441 32 604 45 Syracuse (165)
13 Matthew McGowan 441 31 532 39 Kansas (147)
15 Andrew Hartung 439 31 569 41 West Virginia (126)
16 Ben Alexander 437 32 517 39 Kansas (148)
17 Edgar Gray 433 31 556 41 Kansas (142)
18 Danny Pressley 432 30 572 41 Duke (137)
19 Allison Prssly 431 31 512 38 Kansas (160)
20 Kristen Hicks 429 30 539 38 Kentucky (143)
21 greg erickson 428 31 554 42 Kansas (139)
22 Hallie Richards 427 31 529 40 Kansas (132)
23 Robert Freeman 423 31 502 38 Kansas (147)
24 David Reynolds 420 30 571 42 Duke (141)
24 Kelly Ftzptrck 420 31 563 42 Kentucky (134)
26 John Bailes 413 29 557 40 Kentucky (160)
27 Bill Kelso 412 29 519 38 Kansas (130)
28 Todd Bealer 405 30 514 39 Kansas (133)
29 Clay Irby 400 28 491 36 Kansas (145)
30 Sam Erickson 387 28 467 35 Kansas (155)
31 Jeff Hodge 384 29 530 40 Kentucky (158)
32 David Babb 374 28 489 38 Kansas (150)
33 Phyllis Hodge 373 28 462 36 Kansas (183)
34 Eric Bailes 370 23 467 30 Kentucky (159)
35 Jim McCollum 353 26 479 37 Kansas (132)
36 Debbie Jones 352 27 456 36 Kansas (160)
37 Mark King 346 26 496 38 Duke (143)


GEICO Division

Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Andrew Childress462 32 556 40 Kansas (138)
1 Bill Kelso 462 33 580 43 Kansas (130)
3 Glenn Sharp 431 31 544 41 Kansas (143)
4 Sandy Richards 423 31 539 41 Kansas (162)
5 LESLEY DAVIS 383 29 510 39 Kentucky (2)

Al Gore Division

1 Sandy Richards 482 34 598 44 Kansas (162)
2 Bill Kelso 426 30 542 40 Kansas (130)
3 Melissa Miller 405 29 498 36 Kentucky (171)
4 Clay Irby 400 28 491 36 Kansas (145)
5 Melissa Miller 392 29 562 42 Syracuse (142)
6 Steve Richards 388 29 466 36 Kansas (150)
7 Sam Pressley 361 27 463 36 Kansas (155)


Northern Iowa?

Ali Faroukmanesh?

This can't be true, can it?

Mark "The Second "s" is Silent" Childress looks to be in an excellent position to claim the title. Our exclusive interview with mark will be published later today, possibly tomorrow.

Mark "Pierre" King, it turns out, is of French heritage. He surrendered after Ohio beat Georgetown.

What Do I Think?

Meanwhile, On the Healthcare Front

From The Atlantic:

On the eve of the possible passage of a health care bill, Arizona has provided a glimpse of our possible future by shutting down its SCHIP program and booting a bunch of people out of Medicaid. . . . The reason this is so troubling, of course, is that the new proposed health care plan gets about half of its coverage expansion through adding people to Medicaid. The state side of this expense doesn’t show up on the books as a government expenditure (neatly enabling the bill to get a lower CBO score), but someone in America has to be taxed to pay for it, and there is a big problem when tax revenues fall short of the required expenditure

It's not like the whole thing is a massive sham that will fail miserably to accomplish its stated objective and bankrupt the country.

Social Security? Failure
Medicare? Failure
Medicaid? Failure
healthcare Reform? Failure

Well intentioned all, but failures all. Ponzi schemes always fail.

Quotes of the Day

"The smartest person whom most Americans see on a regular basis is Simon Cowell.”

"Anyone who uses the word "sustainability" has no idea how the world works."

God, Why Do You Torture Me So?

Are people really this stupid?

Why yes, they are.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Some homeowners who sign up for the government's mortgage assistance program are getting a nasty surprise: Lower credit scores.

For borrowers who are making their payments on time but are on the verge of default, the Obama administration's loan modification program can reduce their credit score as much as 100 points. That makes it harder to get a loan and can present a problem when applying for a new job.

HINT: The phrases "verge of default" and "good credit risk" don't go together.

Housing counselors say it's unfair, especially because the news often comes as a surprise to homeowners.

Wow. Could it be because these "housing counselors" are morons?

Why yes, that could be it!

"Why should people's credit be hurt even worse when they're trying to do the right thing?" said Eileen Anderson, senior vice president at Community Development Corp. of Long Island, a housing counseling group in New York.

And many homeowners are angry that a program designed to help carries such a penalty, said Kathy Conley, a housing counselor with GreenPath Inc., a nonprofit group in Farmington Hills, Mich.

"It's a feeling of being duped," she said.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THE GENE POOL IMMEDIATELY AND DON'T EVER THINK ABOUT VOTING IN ANOTHER ELECTION, YOU FREAKING MORONS! I know hand sanitizer that is smarter than these people.

This isn't soccer, you losers. Good intentions don't count. Consider the alternative:

Still, the impact is far less severe than a foreclosure, where borrowers typically find their credit is in tatters for years. That's due to the cumulative impact of many months of missed payments and the foreclosure itself, which drags down a homeowner's' credit by 150 points or more on a scale of 300 to 850.

This is NOT a draconian result. If you think it is, then you think we can all hold hands and sing Kuumbaya and all the world problems will be magically solved.

The only problem with that sort of thinking is THAT IT WILL NEVER, EVER WORK.

Now I know where GEICO gets its cavemen.

On Today's Menu

Spicy Free Range Possum
MSG Isn't Free Egg Lolls
Spicy Garlic Cat Strips and Broccoli
Brownish Lice

Cornell Beating Temple

High above Cuyahoga's waters
There's an awful smell.
Maybe it's polluted waters.
Maybe it's Cornell.

Then again, maybe it's Temple. A 12 seed has yet to beat a 5 seed.

The last time an Ivy League school made the Final Four was Penn in 1979. I'm pretty sure that is a record that won't be broken in my lifetime.

Really? Part II

So I come back from lunch and park next to Kelly. As I get out I notice her tennis racquet has a broken string. Something I first noticed about one month ago when I also happened to park next to her.

So I stop by her desk/cube, aware that she is working very hard lately, and I ask her, "Do you want me to take that racquet in to be re-strung?"

I, of course, was joking.

She replies, "No, that's okay. My parents have a racquet re-stringer at home. I'll just do it myself next time I am over there."

Did not see that coming.

They have their own racquet re-stringer. Really? Makes me wonder what else they may "do themselves."

Me: Kelly, I heard you broke your arm this weekend. Ouch. What happened?
Kelly: I tripped on my cat.
Me: How long were you at the hospital?
Kelly: Oh, I didn't go to the hospital. My parents bought a used X-ray machine a few years ago. We took a few shots and saw that it was just a hairline fracture. My Mom always keeps some extra plaster around, so she just put the cast on herself.
Me:
Kelly: Why spend the money, right? I mean, sure, those X-ray machines use a TON of electricity. But they bought this old reactor from TVA when I was a kid...

Brackets Schmackets

I hate March Madness this year, even though yesterday was arguably the best single day in tournament history.

Why?

Because now, one day into the tournament, my bracket is completely shot. Sonny Corleone wasn't shot as badly as my bracket.

There are 56 perfect brackets remaining on ESPN out of a total of 4.9 MM That is a whopping .0011%.

Really?

All politicans lie.

But, as in Orwell's Animal Farm, some lie more than others.

So my wife is on me to get back on The Facebook. I get on this morning and I tried to "friend" this guy:



You can too - here is his link.

I was interested because he wrote this on his wall:

Barack Obama

We can't kick this problem down the road for another decade -- or even another year.
Can you write a letter to the editor of your local paper right now?
my.barackobama.com

President Obama and many allies in Congress are working hard to finish the job on health reform -- but we can't rest until it's done. Your note will help break through the Washington spin and show members of Congress and the media that local voters want action.:

[Every time I see the link to my.barack.obama.com the song "My Sharona" pops into my head. Then I can't get it out all day. Da Da Da Da Dum. Da Da Dum. Da Da Dum.]

Back to the lying part.

An alarming new study shows that U.S. health care spending rose to an estimated $2.5 trillion in 2009 and is projected to nearly double by 2019.

Really? Because a lot of people follow health care spending, and I have seen some different numbers. Let's look at the Kaiser Family Foundation. That's ALL they do is follow healthcare spending.

In 1970, total health care spending was about $75 billion, or only $356 per person. In less than 40 years these costs have grown to $2.2 trillion, or $7,421 per person. As a result, the share of economic activity devoted to health care has grown from 7.2 percent in 1970 to 16.2 percent in 2007. By the year 2018, the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) projects that health spending will be one-fifth of GDP (20.3 percent).

Let's compare.

Barack Obama hints on The Facebook that healthcare spending will be around $5 TRILLION in 2019. Kaiser suggests that it will be about $2.8 TRILLION in 2018. So obviously a lot of people will be getting very sick in 2019, because spending will shoot up $2.2 TRILLION in that year alone.

I don't know how the President knows this, but he must be very, very smart.

Or very, very dishonest.

Weather Update.

Thank God the sky is gray again.

That blue sky earlier was really unsettling.

As I Didn't Like It

All the world's a basketball court this time of year,
And all the men merely players.

Et tu, Vandy?

My bracket is ruined. Murray freaking State?

Thanks a lot.

Robert Morris...

Looks like the team mascot is Johnny Depp.

Son of a Bee Sting, Part II

OMG!

I just looked outside and saw some blue sky. I am certain it will return to a nice shade of gray in a moment.

Goodbye Irish

Old Dominion 51
Notre Dame 51

Kelly Fitzpatrick - and Irish name if ever there was one one - was heard to remark:

Always after me Lucky Charms!

It's Still Early, But...

Robert Morris 24
Villanova 16


I think that's the sound of everyone's bracket imploding.

Either that Mark Brumbelow sneezed again.

It's Tourney Time, Baby!

The first day of the tournament is like Christmas, only without the stress.

Except, of course, for those poor souls who complete their brackets incorrectly. Let's review, shall we?

The Official Rules and Regulations might be published Monday morning, along with the official LBMC Brackets®. We will again be using the “secure” CBS Sportsline™ website because it requires a “password.” Our Group Name for 2010 is “Get Back to Work You Slackers” (contributed by Greg “Mr.. Exclamation Point” Gilbert!!). Our Group Abbreviation is “gbtwys” for those of you who speak text. Our Group “password” is “nonbillable.” You may proceed to this link:

http://gbtwys.mayhem.cbssports.com/e

and sign in, but not until Sunday night after the brackets have been announced. You have undoubtedly received invitations already, but beware: these may be decoy invitations. In prior years several players who shall not be named (Sandy Richards) entered the wrong tournament. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

One would think that this was a clear warning to avoid DECOY bracket invitations.

But NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fortunately my crack staff was able to rectify the problem and we will now be able to post the actual consolidated standings (published in accordance with one of those FASB thingies) here on the Tournament Central blog. We have, however, created two new divisions to honor certain contestants who shall remain nameless until their names are posted below. These contestants have all attempted to purchase auto insurance from GEICO but, alas, were unable to do so.

In the Rain Man Division we have:

Bill "Furry" Kelso
Clay 'Vanilla Ice" Irby
Melissa "Man I'm getting Old" Miller
Sam "Full Court" Pressley
Sandy "I was Totally Confused but I blame Steve" Richards
Steve "Steve" Richards

The Rain Man winner will receive an official 2010 tournament drool bucket.

In the Al Gore Division we have:

Bill "Furry" Kelso
Sandy "I was Totally Confused but I blame Steve" Richards
Glenn "The second N is Silent" Sharp
Lesley "Worley" Davis
Andrew "I Blame My Dad" Childress

The Gore Division winner will receive a match which symbolizes the illuminating brilliance of Tennessee's favorite dufus.

Understatement of the Year (So Far)

It was after I looked it on the boat that I realized it was huge, he said. No one had ever seen a shark so big.

The great pity was that it had to be killed - particularly as it was wounded.
I know they (great whites) are becoming extinct. But there is only one of me and it could have made me extinct very quickly.

LOST Poll

Which 8 of the following 14 Characters on LOST will die before the end of the season?

Ben
Claire
Desmond
Frank
Hurley
Ilana
Jin
Miles
Richard
Sawyer
Sayid
Sun
Widmore
Zoe

Read more: http://spoilerslost.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2010-03-15T22%3A49%3A00Z&max-results=6#ixzz0iMFGcjtw

Zoe? Who the hell is Zoe?

UPDATE: Ilana, Sun, Sayid, Widmore all bite the bullet.

Dude, I Feel Your Pain

Deep down I believe that people don't really change a whole lot over time. So I get tired of all the doom and gloom, as if politics used to be a noble endeavor where everyone was civil and the engine of government used to be efficient and only recently did the discourse become nasty and waste,fraud and abuse became standard operating procedure.

Similarly, I don't believe the kids today are getting dumber - it just seems that way because they have been so poorly educated. (And yeah, I do place 85% of the blame on the teachers unions and the education establishment, but that is another topic for another day.)

Here's the type of article we ought to be seeing more of.



WWII ended 16 years before I was born; WWI 43 years before I was born, the Civil War 96 years before I was born and the Revolutionary War 180 years before I was born. I still know a good bit about all of these wars because they are seminal events in American history. It's something we should all know; it's basic cultural literacy.

And we don't anymore. UVa Professor E.D. Hirsch wrote about this phenomenon back in 1986, so it's nothing new. I probably didn't know as much about American history as my parents did.

The question is why?

I have some thoughts that answer this question in part; mainly it's because some education high ups decided that touchy-feely was better, standards got soft, and it became more fashionable to teach students about all the things America had done wrong rather than focus on the things we've done right. There is room for both, of course, but my own belief is that the failure to understand and appreciate American exceptionalism precludes any real understanding of America. Truth be told, the American political left abhors the very notion of American exceptionalism.

I don't have the answer to this conundrum - it really isn't a left/right political thing to me - but I do think it is something we need to figure out pretty quickly.

Things That Are Slower Than GFR

1. Glaciers

I was going to add "slugs" and "my son Jack in the shower" before I realized that even glaciers was kind of pushing it.

But Seriously Folks

As a rule, I don't pass along these "forward this to 100 people and AT&T will donate $.05 to research that will save this kid's life" or the equally annoying "add your name and forward to others who care" emails, but THIS ONE really is important.

It has been circulating for over a year and has been sent to over 300 million people. Please review it, and if you are so inclined, add you name to the list and forward it on.

I won't implore you to "Please keep it going!" - but PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING!


To show your support for President Obama's health care reform legislation please go to the end of the list and add your name.

1. Nancy Pelosi
2.




Courtesy of Betsy.

If You Do Not Watch LOST, This Will help

Then again, maybe not.

Another Casualty of Tax Season

I Was Told There Would Be No Math

John walked along Kingston Pike, I-40 and Pellissippi Parkway from from his home to the office. The distance was 5 miles and he walked at a steady two miles per hour wearing his Holston High School letterman's sweater. During his walk, 40 cars passed him from behind and fifty cars passed him coming from the office.

What was the average speed of the cars (excluding Jill Green and Greg Gilbert who were traveling at a speed in excess of Mach 1 and were excluded from this question since they were outliers)?

Seems Like a Good Idea to Me

Hillary Rodham Clinton's State Department is spending $5.4 million to buy fine crystal stemware for American embassies -- but it won't give the US economy much of a boost.

The contract was given to a tiny Washington, DC, interior designer, which in turn subcontracted the crystal work to a Swedish firm -- snubbing such US companies as the famous manufacturer in Clinton's own back yard, Steuben Crystal of upstate Corning.

The firm didn't even get a chance to bid on the contract, which will outfit embassies and ambassadors' residences with fancy crystal for ritzy functions.

Ironically, under the no-bid contract, some of the crystal is to be custom-crafted to include the seal of the United States, although Swedes will do all of the manufacturing.

Clearly at least one branch of of our government has its priorities straight.