Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Tree of Liberty Needs to be Refreshed



First the "stimulus." Next the tax proposals. Now DC gets a seat in Congress. It may not seem a big deal to you now, but this is exactly how liberty has always died.

The US Constitution explicitly provides that Washington DC is not a state and that Congress has legislative control of the District.

If they want to amend the Constitution, fine. Absent that, this is blatantly unconstitutional.

Keep pushing, you SOBs. The revolution draws near.

Friday, February 27, 2009

White Wedding: The Literal Video



I am pretty sure that is not Danny Pressley.

Is it me....



...or do these jeans make Wolverine look fat?

Does Al Gore Know About This

You have got to be kidding?

I am told every day about global warming this and global warming that, there is no ice in the arctic and polar bears cubs are dying, and then I find out you missed a piece of ice the size of California.

California!

Must be a rounding error.

Not So Fast

America at its industrial peak? Businessmen enjoying three martini lunches and being only slightly embarrassed about the bottle of scotch in the bottom drawer of their office desk.

America in the era of hope and change and financial meltdowns?

The mayor will be the first to admit that he occasionally indulges in bottled water. It’s not something he’s proud of.”

A bottle of water? You are ashamed of a bottle of water? Dude, I know you are the Mayor of San Fran but you make Harvey Milk look straight.

Face it. There are just a bunch of people running stuff today who need a good solid ass whupping. Nothing more. If we hadn't gone all liberal in the 1960s then kids could still get in fights and these losers would have learned to be men by now.

I blame the lawyers for a lot of this.

There is Still Hope for this Country

First, the back story:

… on Election Day, Nov. 4, 2008, a New Hampshire property owner was removing Democratic political signs someone else had planted on his property, when some busybody walking his dog verbally accosted him with the words, “What are you doing? You can’t do that. Who do you think you are?”

To which the property owner, quite reasonably, responded, “Who the (F-bomb) are you?”

At which point the dog owner, who turns out to be a professional busybody, a.k.a. lawyer,* sought to impress the property owner with that fact by presenting his business card. The property owner looked it over, and announced, “Ryan Russman, you are a (F-bombing) (expletive).”


As the story goes, Russman immediately phoned police to say he felt threatened. A statement by Russman filed with the court says he was "quite nervous and frightened and believed he was about to strike me."

What a pussy! What a homo! It was the guy's own yard! He should have beaten the crap out this guy on general principles and gotten a medal and a lifetime certificate for free pancakes at IHOP.

Plus he was removing Democratic political signs that were illegally placed in his yard.

Should be the end of the story, but no, this f-ing attorney doesn't drop the charges. Thank God the judge has a modicum of common sense and completely exonerates the poor guy. So you can call someone a f-ing expletive legally, in case you were concerned.

If you follow the link you will note that the newspaper report is silent on whether the judge addressed the issue of whether or not Ryan Russman is in fact a F-ing expletive. (Of course he is!) That does not appear to have been a point of dispute, though it is conceivable it might be relevant for defense counsel to establish the fact for a jury of Rieseberg’s peers, in the event they weren’t able to figure it out for themselves.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Taking Orders While Supplies Last



Ben definitely seems like a bad guy again, right?

Then again, without him, Locke might not have been able to go through with his suicide and the gang would never have gotten back together to go back to the island.

And it's not like you can "trust" Mr. Widmore all of a sudden. Then again, he did remind Locke that he had never tried to kill him while Ben had, and then later in the episode Ben actually does kill him.

So I'm feeling pretty Team Widmore these days.

Breaking News

Stacy Scheuttler wore a brown suit today.

Brown.

Unbelievable.

Finished Twilight, BookTwo

Still don't really get what all the excitement is about. Harry Potter is far superior.

Must be a chick thing.

I do think being a vampire might be cool, though. I'm pretty sure I could get rid of Pelosi if I was a vampire.

Can you identify the co-worker who stars in this video?

A Picture In Search of a Caption

Shocking Lost Analysis

Last night I finally decided who I want to see Kate end up with.


I've come to the frustrating conclusion that predicting Kate's reaction to anything at this point is utterly impossible. Her conversation with Locke seemed to indicate total indifference to everyone left behind on the island, including Sawyer. The "have you ever been in love" line seemed instead to point directly at her feelings for Jack (or maybe Aaron?).

At this point I don't think Jack OR Sawyer should bother with Kate - she's emotionally too high maintenance. Big drama.

I'd rather see her end up with Juliet.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

OMG! I Am Without Speech!



Taylor Hanson (yes, from that Hanson), James Iha (ex-Smashing Pumpkins), Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne - you know, Stacy's Mom) and Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick - yeah, Cheap Trick!) have formed a band and are calling themselves Tinted Windows.

This must be some sort of weirdo genetics experiment.

A Solid Review of the Speech

Oratorywise, so good. Ideawise, so weak. Combination, so dangerous.

Exactly



Although, instead of "wool-coated glob of fat" I'd prefer something that begins with "mother."

Actually...

...it seems it was a good speech. I didn't watch, but I'll read the transcript.

I know he is a good speaker. I'd real like to see him actually do something, though.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

My Rebuttal to Obama's Speech

Kiss My Ass.

If you start to honestly address the problems caused by all of the felons in Washington we refer to collectively as "Congress", if you start acting like you have a %$#@ing clue what "fiscally responsible" means, if you acknowledge that there is so much blame to go around that neither Democrats nor Republicans need to be pointing any fingers....then maybe I'll listen to what you have to say.

Until then, kiss my ass.

A Pre-Speech Summary of Obama's Speech Tonight.

IT'S ALL BUSH'S FAULT!

Last Week. On LOST.

I watched last week's Lost this morning while working out. Another solid episode. Great season, so far.

But you know when they get back on the plane? What bugged me was that Sun was just a little too happy.

I mean, there she is, just sitting there playing with her wedding ring and smiling as if she was on her way to a romantic weekend with Jin at Club Med.

Um, helloooooo....did you not leave your daughter behind? Do you not realize that you probably won't ever see her again? How exactly are you going to explain all of this to your husband if/when you see him?

I love Lost, but every so often they need to think things through a little more.

Clearly Juliet knows a lot more than she is saying, and NO ONE EVER STOPS TO ASK!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Final thought: Desmond is more important to the story than we realize.

And Now For Something Really Different



This February 26 is Inappropriate Card Day! For those who are still inexplicably in the dark about this event, here's the deal:

On Inappropriate Card Day, you have carte blanche to send inappropriate greeting cards to anyone you know. Send a Happy Birthday Grandson card to your mother-in-law, or send a Happy Hannukkah card to the nuns at your Catholic grade school. There are no rules -- just be inappropriate!

C'mon! Spread the word!

American Idol Tonight




Which means I can work late guilt free!

Bonus picture of Pauler's pre-show ritual.

The Benefits of Customer Service

So Verizon screws up my bill. Again.

So I call "customer service." Again.

As luck would have it my account manager was an extra in Slumdog Millionaire.

So he was in a good mood.

Turns out he works at Dell's call center on Tuesdays and Thursday, and he remembered me.

Also said he reads this blog.

So here's a shout out to my main man Ramesh (aka Matt).

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Red Carpet Fashion Police



Generally a bunch of tasteless homos as best I can tell. They Gave Heidi a 'D'.

Heidi!


Good God. What is the world coming to? Especially since this was 'B+'.




If Heidi had worn Miley Cyrus' dress she still wouldn't be a 'D'.

Well, maybe.

Who Said Teeny Boppers Were Idiots?



Uh, someone with a brain.

Good God, that's hideous. Take it out back and shoot it.

Can you still say "teeny bopper?"

Hard to Believe...



...that Tilda Swinton is a lesbian.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Slumdog Millionaire

I haven't seen it, but I am sure Besty will want to. Which is fine. I'm curious.

I suspect it's a good, well-told story. I'll bet the music and cinematography suck, but maybe I am wrong. If it's as good as they say it is, then people will see it and it will make money.

If not, well, it won't be the first time that the best picture winner sucked.

A Nation Mourns



Sadly, Socks Clinton has died.

Hillary was in China at the time, so she has an alibi.

Photo Needs a Caption




I am pretty sure that Obama is digging his shovel into a steaming pile of crap.

Either that or the Stimulus Bill.

Why the Oscars Bother Me

As much as I love movies, it's amazing how much I detest Hollywood and all of its narcissistic hypocrisy.

I saw Iron Man and Dark Knight. I also saw Vicky Christina Barcelona. The first two were awesome. The third was entertaining. Good, but not great. How Penelope Cruz won an Oscar given that she was in only about 1/3 of the movie and spoke Spanish 75% of the time astounds me. I thought her ex-husband in the movie - Javier somebody, the killer from No Country for Old Men - was much better.


If all of the movies nominated that were nominated for best picture this year were so good, how come no one went to see them?

Penelope Cruz is very easy to look at, though.

Coincidence?



This iconic image has really been puzzling me. Then I come across this still photo from Wednesday's episode.

My How Time Flies

I haven't posted in 12 days. Incredible.

Proving once again that if a tree falls on your blog in the middle of the forest....

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Stimulus

I am opposed to the stimulus plan that Congress is going to pass. I think it is a terrible idea, and the Republicans can't say boo because they did the same thing five months ago. It was a dumb idea then and a dumb idea now.

I believe in civil disobedience. Hell, at this point I believe in the armed overthrow of the entire U.S. Government and the summary execution of its elected leaders. But that is probably too violent a plan to garner much support - for now anyway.

So here is my alternative: STOP PAYING TAXES.

Apparently the only time this presents a problem is if Obama nominates you for a cabinet post, and I am pretty sure I will not be considered.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

And Another Thing....

If I was Obama's top advisor I'd invite Nancy Pelosi to the White House. Then I'd call security and tell them I had received a call from al Queda and that they told me they were sending a suicide bomber to the White House disguised as Nancy Pelosi, so when she gets out of her car she is immediately surrounded by the security guys with their guns drawn, and they say "Stop! Raise your hands, you Nancy Pelosi look-alike suicide bomber!" But she can't raise her arms because the muscles in her neck and shoulders are connected to her face as a result of all the plastic surgery so the security guys shoot her and then when they try to pull off her Mission Impossible mask they find out it was the real Nancy Pelosi. Then I'd go, "My Bad."

In Which I Share a Brilliant Tax Insight

Here is yet another reason I should be Obama's top advisor.

Okay, Obama increases this SCHIP (stupid ass name, by the way) program to provide more healthcare for poor kids. Noble idea. I am not opposed to this sort of thing, provided of course, THAT WE HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT. To that end, in theory this program is paid for by an increase in the cigarette tax.

So doesn't it follow that if we can just get more poor kids to smoke they'll be paying for their own health care?

Win-Win, baby.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lost

So last night Besty and I were watching Lost and I thought, "What if my nose starts to bleed?"

Proof That Justice Is Still Possible in America

Finally!

Yorba Linda attorney Neil B. Fineman will soon have enough womens’ apparel to be able to open a dress store.

It seems that Fineman, 40, brought a class action by which he forced Windsor Fashions to stop committing routine violations of the Song-Beverly Credit Card Act. The class was comprised of all customers who, between Nov. 29, 2006—one year before the action was filed—and Nov. 18, 2008 (when the class was preliminarily certified) “purchased merchandise from Defendant’s stores in the State of California, used a credit card to make the purchase(s), and whose address, E mail address or telephone number was requested and recorded by a Windsor Fashions employee.”

Collecting “personal identification information” from credit card customers is proscribed by Civil Code §1747.08(a)(2).

Under a settlement, arrived at with the assistance of a mediator, it was agreed that Fineman was entitled to a $125,000 fee for his legal services. However, customers who were subjected to the proscribed practice won’t receive any cash under the accord...only a $10 gift card. In an order signed Friday, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Brett Klein likewise provided that Fineman will be paid off in the form of such cards: “12,500 ten-dollar Windsor Fashions gift cards.”

The lawyer is to get 3,500 of those cards by next Monday and 750 of them on the third day of each month through January of next year. Too, the named plaintiff, Jacqueline Cohen, will garner 250 of the gift cards as an “incentive reward“ for leading the charge.

Ascertained members of the class have already been mailed or e-mailed $10 certificates, and others may assert class membership at any during a short period of time.

Does the outcome penalize Windsor Fashions for its erstwhile violation of the statute? Not much. It does afford Fineman the power to deplete the stock of any of its stores. However, the certificates going to consumers merely constitute inducements to come to a Windsor Fashions store and spend money, any expenditures being bound to exceed $10. In essence, they’re discount coupons. What Fineman has done is to promote purchases at the defendants’ stores.

Fineman could not be reached for comment.


So basically, he gets nothing. Hurray. What a no good bastard.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It's Very Cold Out Tonight

Two Words: Shrinkage.

Thought for the Day

Silence is golden; duct tape is silver.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Amazing Thing....

...about the Inauguration is that almost 2MM attended but only 57 missed a day of work.

Why....

...do Democrats favor higher taxes?

Because they don't pay them!

Wouldn't be funny unless it was true.

You Know Who is Next, Right?

Wesley Snipes.

Surely there is a cabinet post available for him. He's Blade, for chrissakes.

Speaking of Hypocrites Who Should Be Shot

“Make no mistake, tax cheaters cheat us all, and the IRS should enforce our laws to the letter. ”

Sen. Tom Daschle, Congressional Record, May 7, 1998, p. S4507.

Death. That's the answer here.

Obama, you really disappointed me with this one. Daschle is a no good, worthless, crooked, lying son of a bitch.

And that's before I found out he was a tax cheat.

Obama, clean house! Call every one of these guys out and get rid of them. If you fail to do this, you are doomed. I am begging you man!