"Behold His mighty hand!" (reference to Steve Richards decision to pick Kansas in the pool)
"Soylent Green is people!"(Steve works for Sysco)
"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" (to a Florida fan during a UT-Florida football game)
Hillary Clinton is running on her competence and determination to insure everybody. But she hasn't paid her staff's medical bills in a couple months.
Barack Obama is running as a new kind of candidate with a new kind of campaign. But his campaign is spreading good old-fashioned, er, misinformation. Oddly, they seem to think that hey, he amended the document and signed it himself, but that doesn't mean he actually read the thing is a good defense. [NOTE: yes, staffers do fill out questionnaires, and it is entirely plausible that Obama didn't read it the first time. It's even plausible that he didn't really read it thoroughly the second time, though one wonders why he filed an amended version if he or his policy people hadn't checked it closely enough to detect errors. But it's pretty implausible that a questionnaire was filled out and sent without ever being checked by the policy people who knew his positions well.]
Hillary Clinton is running on her experience. But it turns out she might not be quite so eager to discuss some of that experience, such as the meeting she had with a fellow who was apparently, illegally lobbying for Saddam Hussein, and who says Hillary Clinton "passed a message to the State Department" about the need to implement the oil-for-food deal..."
Barack Obama is running as the sort of Uniter-Not-Divider politician who can bring us all together in rapturous harmony. But he keeps finding himself having to explain his choice in spiritual advisors and campaign committee members.
Hillary Clinton is running on her experience. But she found herself on the wrong side of Factcheck.org after she inserted herself into more foreign hot spots than Where in the Hell is Matt, and it turned out her foreign policy experience didn't resemble the Red Baron so much as Baron Von Munchausen.
Barack Obama is running on his unwillingness to take money from oil companies. But he's also been factcheck.org'd, since it turns out that no candidate has taken money from oil companies, and Obama has "accepted more than $213,000 from individuals who work for companies in the oil and gas industry and their spouses."
Hillary Clinton is running on her competence. But she has had to back down from her claims about experiencing sniper fire in Bosnia, claiming she was merely "sleep-deprived" and had "misspoke". ("Tired" is the politician's equivalent of the "flu" excuse that movie stars use when they need to spend a bit of time in rehab; it's transparently false, but they seem to think people buy it.) But she had been "repeating this whopper for nearly three months" and the "Bosnia anecdote was part of her prepared remarks, scripted and vetted with her staff."
She must have been very tired.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night is this to be getting home? Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had
been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?
?*!?*%$ game last night….huh? I’ve never seen Lofton look so helpless and get so many shots blocked.
Elton John is going to perform at a special benefit concert for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, Wed., April 9, 2008, at Radio City Music Hall. Tickets are as high as $2,300.
Big deal, right? well, it kind of is. See, eventually we will find out that Hillary has been getting a lot of money with connections to China and Russia. But what’s wrong with Elton John’s participation?
Well, it turns out that old Elton John is a British citizen (even though he lives in Atlanta). As such, his professional services would be an ILLEGAL “in-kind contribution by a foreign national” unless he is paid his usual going rate for a for-profit concert. Which means they have to pay him. But if they pay him, the benefit is a lot less.
Discuss.
President Bush was woken by the phone ringing. "What time is it?" He glanced at the clock: 3 A.M. "Oh... come on..." He picked up the phone. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Sir, this is Secretary Gates. We have--"
"3 A.M., Robby. Can't this wait until morning?"
"I'm a busy man, you know. I have stuff to do in the morning."
"Sir, this is very important. India and Pakistan are on the verge of having a nuclear exchange."
Bush was quiet for a moment. "Wow. Really? ...You really thought that was something worth waking me up at some ungodly hour? How in the world does that affect us?"
"We are talking about--"
"And what do you expect me to do, anyway? I'm not Superman; I can't just fly over there and grab the missiles out of the air. Did you get the presidential phone mixed up with your Superman signal watch, Dick Grayson?"
"I think you mean Jimmy Olsen, sir."
"It's too early in the morning for me to keep secondary comic book characters straight!"
"Honey?" Laura asked, half asleep. "Is it something important?"
"No," Bush answered her and put the phone back to his ear. "Why are they even doing this now? Don't India and Pakistan know what time it is? Don't they have to sleep?"
"It's a different time there, sir."
"Huh?"
"It's not the same time there as it is here?"
"What? Now time travel is involved? It's way to early in the morning for me to be dealing with this crap."
"Sir, a nuclear exchange is an unprecedented incident. This is a world changing event, and we will need you to lead."
Bush sighed. "Fine." He started to get out of bed.
"Ha! I punked you!" Gates said.
"Oh, man..."
"Yeah, there's nothing happening. I just felt like pulling a prank on you."
Bush laughed. "You got me. That's like the third time this week, you rascal." Bush hung up the phone and laid back in bed.
"Dang. Next thing you know Hillary Clinton is going to call and claim she is pinned down by sniper fire."
Hollie Hissam.
Jill Johnson
Kimberly Kosier
Sharon Souder
Melissa Miller
Stacy SchuettlerBo Boaz
Debbie DunnWhat do they have in common?
Their first names and their last names begin with the same letter. Which begs the question: what about their middle names? If we assign each of them a middle initial that is the same as their first and last names and total the letters in their adjusted names, then divide by the round of the tournament to be played next (i.e., the third, or 3), do you know what number you get?
You guessed it: 32.Curiously, the law of the excluded middle [name] states that the formula "P ∨ ¬P" ("P or not-P") can be deduced from the calculus under investigation. It is one of the defining properties of classical systems of logic. However, some systems of logic have different but analogous laws, while others reject the law of excluded middle entirely. (This is what led to the creation of firm flow.)
The law is also known as the law (or principle) of the excluded third, or,in Latin: principium tertii exclusi. Yet another Latin designation for this law is Tertium non datur: "there is no third (possibility)". This is why have three identical initials for a monogram is so rare. The numerology here is frightening, no?
The law of excluded middle is related to the principle of bivalence, which is of course a semantic principle instead of a law that can be deduced from the calculus.
For some finite n-valued logics, there is an analogous law called the law of excluded n+1th. This is useful for understanding billing. But if the negation is cyclic and '∨' is a "max operator", then the law can be expressed in the object language by (P ∨ ~P ∨ ~~P ∨ ... ∨ ~...~P), where '~...~' represents n-1 negation signs and '∨ ... ∨' n-1 disjunction signs. It is easy to check that the sentence must receive at least one of the n truth values (and not a value that is not one of the n).
So you see, this helps us to understand why no one is 32d place in the pool.
A 2008 Newsletter ExclusivePlus, she's a ninja.
The reason all those men in suits are hanging around is that they’re the only ones left after the Army guys - pansies! - got scared and ran off.
Only Hillary is brave enough to confront this clear and present danger. Sniper fire? Yeah there was sniper fire. Some who were there may disagree, but they must define sniper fire differently. It's a tough phrase with multiple meanings, you know.
Like "is."
Because their educators waste time on crap like this:
To soothe the bruised egos of educators and children in lackluster schools, Massachusetts officials are now pushing for kinder, gentler euphemisms for failure.
Instead of calling these schools "underperforming," the Board of Education is considering labeling them as "Commonwealth priority," to avoid poisoning teacher and student morale.
Schools in the direst straits, now known as "chronically underperforming," would get the more urgent but still vague label of "priority one."
The board has spent parts of more than three meetings in recent months debating the linguistic merits and tone set by the terms after a handful of superintendents from across the state complained that the label underperforming unfairly casts blame on educators, hinders the recruitment of talented teachers, and erodes students' self-esteem.
[...]
At a December meeting on how to improve struggling schools in Holyoke, Lawrence, and Springfield, superintendents implored members not to stick them with a label of "chronically underperforming."
"For our teachers, it's a blow," said Wilfredo Laboy, Lawrence superintendent. "It demoralizes staff completely."
Joseph Burke, Springfield superintendent, said that while he is not crazy about any label, he would prefer "priority one," because "It sounds nicer."
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
--Hillary Clinton, speech at George Washington University, March 17, 2008.
Hillary Clinton has been regaling supporters on the campaign trail with hair-raising tales of a trip she made to Bosnia in March 1996. In her retelling, she was sent to places that her husband, President Clinton, could not go because they were "too dangerous." When her account was the comedian Sinbad, who was with her on the trip, she upped the ante and injected even more drama into the story.
The Washington Post reports that there are "numerous problems" with Clinton's version of events.
Clearly you don't want to cross Sinbad, whom we all remember from Star Search. According to Sinbad, who provided entertainment on the trip along with the singer Sheryl Crow, the "scariest" part was deciding where to eat. Sinbad pointed out the obvious flaw in the premise behind the Clinton version of events.
It may be worse by now; or the cosmos might have aligned and I’m back within the century mark of first place uber-picker (brackets, not nose), Mr. Alexander.
Since I cannot yet concede total defeat, and here we must turn our attention to the fact that most if not all of my sweet 16 teams remain (which is actually not an uncommon feat, and therefore quite a flimsy argument), I will endeavor to explain myself amid the allegations and near indictment that you thrust upon me in your improperly proclaimed “infamous” web log.
It’s quite simple actually. Much like my first day of work, I’m sandbagging. Ingenious.
Oops…116 points from first.
“Two candidates enter, one candidate leaves.”
Title: Mark King (pronounced Keye-ong)
Partner Email: mark.king.master.beef. producer@lbmc.or.kroger.com
Phone Number: 865-862-BEEF.
Member Profile :Dude. Master Beef Producer. Has never won the basketball pool.
admin - 01/11/2008 - 17:28 -
comments - Buddy is kicking his butt!
After years of argument over the roles of factors like genius, sex and dumb luck, a new study shows that something entirely unexpected and considerably sudsier may be at play in determining the success or failure of scientists — beer.
According to the study, published in February in Oikos, a highly respected scientific journal (so what if YOU never heard of it - it's still highly respected), the more beer a bracketologist drinks, the more likely the bracketologist is to have a respectable bracket.
This theory is in the New York Times so it has to be true.Rookie Whitney Danehy has completed her bracket and it’s clear she put some thought into it. The Committee was so impressed that we contacted Danehy for an interview. As you can see below, it got out of hand when that whole section of the office got back from lunch
Committee: You any relation to Brian Dennehey? I knows he spells it differently, but still. He reminds me a lot of my friend Tom from
Whitney:
Committee: Anyway, impressive bracket - for a rookie.
Whitney: Thanks.
Committee:Got to tell you though, we just don't see Drake beating UCLA in the Sweet 16. What's up with that?
Whitney: Drake? I thought they had mispelled "Duke." ……….Just kidding! Had you going there for a second, huh?
Committee: Why I oughta.....
Whitney:But seriously, Drake went 28-4, they almost beat the Gaels of St. Mary's and their best player is Adam Emmenecker. It's located in
Committee:You know, of course, that a drake is a male duck, right?
Whitney: Er...no, I didn't. Your point?
Committee:Bear with me. Why do some brackets burn?
Whitney:B... 'cause they're made of... wood?
Committee: Correct! So, how do we tell whether your bracket is made of wood?
Committee: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Jake Hutchison: Oh, yeah. True.
Committee:Does wood sink in water?
Whitney: No.
Hope Davenport: No, it floats! It floats!
Committee: What also floats in water?
Angela Sparks: Bread!
Scott Looney: Uh, very small rocks!
Greg Gilbert: A duck!
Committee: Exactly. So, logically...
Greg Gilbert: If... her... bracket relies heavily on a team named after a duck... then it must be...made of wood!
Committee: And therefore?
Greg Gilbert: Her bracket will burn!
Committee: Precisely!
Whitney: Damn.
Is the long correction in the stock market than began early last summer when the NYSE Advance/Decline Line topped out ending?Or, the market could go down. (I flipped a coin to yield that analysis).
Some commentators are looking for a resumption of the advance that began in October 2002. A number of market indicators support this view:
(1) The New Low List has been declining as the popular averages move lower, a positive divergence;
(2) The DJ Transportation Index (TRAN), which I utilize as a proxy for cyclical issues, remains well above its January 22, 2008, low setting up a positive divergence with the popular indices;
(3) the NYSE Short Interest Ratio, the number of days average volume represented by the short positions outstanding, rose to 10.0 in mid-February from 9.4 a month earlier, a high level;
(4)Put/Call Ratios Are Rising – The CBOE Put/Call Ratio has been rising for over a week with put buying being about twice its level as in mid-October when the DJIA made its high;
(5) The Financial sector has been under intense selling pressure in what I regard as the final chapter of this drama that began in early 2007. As anticipated in several reports, the “risk premium in the banks” has been significantly reduced with the KBW Bank Index (BKX) of the nation’s 24 largest banks down 21% from its February 1, 2008, close;
(6) My proprietary “Last Hour Indicator” is near a new high with the S&P 500 very close to its low, a bullish divergence and a buy signal;
(7) My proprietary “Diaper Indicator” that measures the difference between advancing and declining volume and its rate of change produced a buy signal at the close last night; and
(8) Leadership remains intact – the charts of the S&P Supercomposite Industrials Index (S15INDU) and the Philadelphia Oil Service Index (OSX) and other energy proxies remain intact despite a ten month correction.
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of re d wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is what kills you.
