Best Line about The Elizabeth & John Edwards Saga

From Dennis Miller:

"Is it possible to tear someone who is one a new one?"

Too Cool.

The Big Wheel. Brings to mind the glory days of the American auto industry.

Who Do You Believe?

Here is a good, impartial assessment of the Nancy Pelosi "They never told me they were being mean to captured terrorists ever...okay they told me, but not when they say they did" scandal.

We need more of this.

All politicians lie. Most are lawyers, so only a moron would expect otherwise. The issue is about what, and how brazen is the lie.

Most of these "lies" have a kernel of truth buried in them so they can deny it's lie with some measure validity. Some are so obviously in-your-face false (e.g., "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky", anything Obama says about taxes or economics) that the speaker effectively forfeits the right to be believed about anything.

Nancy Pelosi? I say let's waterboard her on national TV and see what happens.

But here is a brutally honest summary of the whole sorry affair"

Republicans are delighting in the prospect of taking the anti-torture high ground away from Democrats in general, and Pelosi in particular. That's a foolish hope for the GOP. These policies were conceived, defended, and implemented by a Republican administration. Still, it's a mistake to treat this as a partisan matter. It now seems clear that top Democratic leaders like Pelosi knew about the policy, and chose not to challenge it.

After participating in the secret briefings, Pelosi apparently saw little way to change course until Democrats took control of Congress and the White House. Still, it would be nice to see if CIA notes on those confidential briefings showed her at least raising private doubts about those techniques.

See, Republicans, though technically right, are acting like morons, making the whole thing a petty partisan soundbite. I really don't care what we do to these terrorists at Gitmo; I am comfortable that we are not torturing them. Simply put, torture doesn't work. We want to think it does, but history shows otherwise. That's the case I want Republicans to make: we need to grow a pair as a nation and stop acting like a bunch of pussies. We can't have it both ways.

Pelosi - a rank hypocrite who doesn't give a damn about anything unless there is a political point to be scored.

Joe Biden Disease - It's a Pandemic!

Joe Biden, our Vice President, is clinically brain dead. Since his ascension to power, however, this condition has spread rapidly across the country. Case in point, the new credit card law waiting on Barack M.F. Obama's desk this morning.

Here is the NY Times report on the same.

Banks are expected to look at reviving annual fees, curtailing cash-back and other rewards programs and charging interest immediately on a purchase instead of allowing a grace period of weeks, according to bank officials and trade groups.

“It will be a different business,” said Edward L. Yingling, the chief executive of the American Bankers Association, which has been lobbying Congress for more lenient legislation on behalf of the nation’s biggest banks. “Those that manage their credit well will in some degree subsidize those that have credit problems.”

As they thin their ranks of risky cardholders to deal with an economic downturn, major banks including American Express, Citigroup, Bank of America and a long list of others have already begun to raise interest rates, and some have set their sights on consumers who pay their bills on time. The legislation scheduled for a Senate vote on Tuesday does not cap interest rates, so banks can continue to lift them, albeit at a slower pace and with greater disclosure.

Once again, it's not the idiot who runs up a big credit card bill he or she cannot afford who is at fault. Nooooo! It's the credit card companies! See a trend here? This has been a major theme in American life for decades, a lie propagated by liberals and adopted, albeit grudgingly and/or unconsciously, by the rest of us.

But wait! This article needs an outrageous quote from some monkey dick who purports to be an expert. And here it is:

“There will be one-size-fits-all pricing, and as a result, you’ll see the industry will be more egalitarian in terms of its revenue base,” said David Robertson, publisher of the Nilson Report, which tracks the credit card business.

People who routinely pay off their credit card balances have been enjoying the equivalent of a free ride, he said, because many have not had to pay an annual fee even as they collect points for air travel and other perks.

“Despite all the terrible things that have been said, you’re making out like a bandit,” he said. “That’s a third of credit card customers, 50 million people who have gotten a great deal.”

This is what I love the most. Follow the letter and spirit of the contract? You're a freeloader! You're getting a great deal! Too good, in fact. So in a way, this mess is sort of your fault.

Mr. Robertson, you can suck it. There is no free lunch. I pay every month on time and never pay interest. The credit card companies would not extend credit to me if there was nothing in it for them. But wait...THERE IS! They get 1-3% of the purchase price.

Go wipe the drool off of your chin, Mr. Robertson.

And buried toward the bottom of the article, where you will always find the truth if our dying newspaper industry needs to kill some space, is a bit of common sense:

Robert Hammer, an industry consultant, said the legislation might have the broad effect of encouraging card issuers to become ever more reliant on fees from marginal customers as well as creditworthy cardholders — “deadbeats” in industry parlance, because they generate scant fee revenue.

“They aren’t charities. They have shareholders to report to,” he said, referring to banks and credit card companies. “Whatever is left in the model to work from, they will start to maneuver.”

And there you have it. Contrary to the Obama business model, these companies are not charities. If they can't make money, they go out of business. Very simple concept.

So why is it half the country doesn't get it?

I Never Understood Nancy & Sluggo. This I Get.

This is Just Crazy!

No, not Chris' shocking win over Adam on American Idol.

This. The headline says it all:

The obesity epidemic in the US is due solely to increased food intake

Melbourne, Australia - The amount of food Americans eat has been increasing since the 1970s, and that alone is the cause of the obesity epidemic in the US today. Physical activity—or the lack thereof—has played virtually no role in the rising number of expanding American waistlines, according to research presented at the 2009 European Congress on Obesity in Amsterdam last week.

First off, REALLY? What's next - the startling announcement that drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand have a high risk of contracting HIV?

Second, lack of exercise played "virtually no role." WTF? Because I see 300 pounders running all the time. Did these imbeciles ever consider the origins of the term "couch potato"?

Third, yet another example of a vital study (which probably cost millions) that I could have handled for free AND YIELDED FAR MORE RELIABLE RESULTS!

GOD, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME? Why did you put so many morons on earth at the same time as me?

But it gets better.

Lead author Dr Boyd Swinburn (an idiot from Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia) says that "If Americans want to get serious about winning the battle of the bulge, they are going to have to cut down on the amount of food they eat."

Wow. Totally did not see that coming.

Swinburn, who is director of the World Health Organization Collaborating Centre for Obesity Prevention, (obviously an institution that should be stripped of all funding now that we have these results in hand), goes on to tell us that " it won't be easy" because "The food industry has done such a great job of marketing their products, making the food so tasty that it's almost irresistible, pricing their products just right, and placing them everywhere, that it is very hard for the average person to resist temptation. Food is virtually everywhere, probably even in churches and funeral parlors."

That's right. It's not our fault. We are all just victims of the evil food industry. Right away you know that Swinburn is your typical gasbag liberal douche bag who absolves individuals from all blame for their problems no matter how obvious it is that said problems are self-inflicted.

Dr. Swinburn, I'd like to offer a simple explanation to the problem.

To paraphrase Descartes, "If I eat [too much], therefore I'm fat." Eat less, exercise more.

Another problem solved. Boyd, you can suck it.

Tax News of Interest

California is run by idiots (Democrats) and a Republican Governor who got elected by saying he wanted to fix the budget system.

It's not the voters. Yeah we all want more than we can chew. But LEADERSHIP is reminding folks that there is such a thing as reality. So what if you get voted out for telling the truth? In the end, the truth ALWAYS wins out.

I want California to declare bankruptcy because it's the only way to introduce (well, re-introduce) sanity to this country. In this life you get what you deserve in the end, and that's what California deserves.

I know it will be very painful. But it's the right thing to do. Hell, it's the only thing to do.

Which of course means that [insert unprintable expletives here] Obama and Pelosi will bail the stupid basards out, which in turn will unleash a tidal wave of bad consequences. On the bright side, we'll find out if a single member of Congress has any balls.

Unlikely. An earthquake is more likely.

Should be a war crime against the American people. Then we could hang these bastards.

Caddyshack. Guliani. Two Great tastes that Go Great Together.

Not. Making. This. Up.

In an opinion peppered with golf references and a quote from "Caddyshack" star Bill Murray, a federal magistrate has recommended the dismissal of a lawsuit brought by Rudolph Giuliani's son over his booting from Duke University's varsity golf team.

In a lawsuit filed last year, Andrew Giuliani, 23, claimed that the North Carolina school breached a contract when it dropped him from the golf team in early-2008. The school (and coach Orrin Daniel Vincent III) countered by saying that Giuliani was bounced for a variety of boorish acts, including assaulting a teammate, defying coaches, and violating "both the rules and the spirit of the game of golf."

In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon's May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument "brings to mind Carl Spackler's analysis" from "Caddyshack": "He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think." Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he's got that going for him

This is great on so many levels. Andrew is a total DB and has been for years. But a Carl Spackler reference in a federal court opinion?

This judge would definitely be the next Supreme Court nominee if there were any justice in this world.

For the uninitiated, a portion of the the actual movie script:

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

In Which Besty Reminds Me I am a Pig

Seriously.

Olivia Wilde is not only one of television's hottest break-out stars, but she is also the woman Megan Fox has described as “so sexy, she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox.”

While it has to be quite an honor, Wilde, 25, says she is a little skeptical of the recent girl-crush fad, but is passionate about animal rights and willing to do what it takes to keep them safe.

In the June 2009 issue of GQ magazine, on newsstands May 26, she jokes, “of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do,” in response to the suggestion she make out with Fox to save the poor little ox.

I'd insert pictures, but Besty, evil genius that she is, has put some sort of voodoo on her computer that precludes this. But the guys who read this would understand.

Really?

The Pope has his own You Tube channel.

There should be a commandment that precludes this.

Just saying.

You Want Irony? I'll Give You Irony!

Facts: Dude gets drunk in Chicago. Tries to throw brick through window of the Apple Store. Brick cracks window but bounces away with window intact.

Analysis: Amazing.

Rationale: First time in history that Windows didn't crash and Apple happens to be involved.

There is a God and He has a wicked sense of humor.

Obviously Obama Voters Involved

You just have to read this one.

Where to begin?

A game of tag with a flame and lighter fluid has sent an unidentified man to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle to be treated for serious injuries, said the Clallam County Fire District No. 2 chief.

Volunteer paramedics and emergency medical technicians were called to an area 2 miles east of Port Angeles at about 8 p.m. Monday, said Fire Chief Jon Bugher.

Bugher said several people had been playing a game called "lighter tag," which involves squirting themselves with lighter fluid and then lighting the clothing of the person who is "it."

The tagged person beats the flames out before "tagging" another person.

Bugher refused to name the person who was burned, give his age, or say exactly where he was when he was burned, citing the patient privacy law of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, or HIPAA.

Without a name, hospital personnel cannot report the condition of a patient.

Bugher said he was told by people at the residence that lighter tag is a new fad, but this is the first incident he has heard of in Clallam County.

"To be honest with you, in my mind, I was just stunned," he said.

"It sure scared us."

He added, "If people are doing this, if they are teenagers or young adults, they are really putting themselves at risk.

"If someone comes home and their clothing looks singed or burned, people need to be asking and be aware."

Although Clallam County sheriff's deputies weren't called to investigate, Sheriff Bill Benedict said he will look into the incident to see if criminal charges would be appropriate.

Benedict said this is also the first time he has heard of such a game.

Citing privacy laws, Bugher also declined to say how many people he believed were playing lighter tag.

If you are this bloody stupid you have waived the right to privacy, right?

Unbelievable...but true!

You always here about these "studies." I believe in science. I believe research is important. But we have funded some bloody ridiculous stuff.

Try this one on.

The federal government is spending $178,000 to better understand why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection, an endeavor taxpayer watchdogs are calling a huge waste of American taxpayers' money.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I made this up. But no, it's true. Everyone involved and everyone who approved it. I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE VILLAGE IDIOTS, should be fired immediately because I can handle this one from the comfort of my laptop.

Q: Why are drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection?

A: Because they are drug abusing prostitutes.

I'll bet even Joe Biden could have figured that one out.

The cost of my research? FREE. The difference between my research findings and what you will hear on NPR next year? NOTHING. Potential savings for the American taxpayer? $178,000.

Closing the budget deficit one idiot at a time.

Joe Biden, V.I.

Joe Freaking Biden.

WTF. I mean, WTF.

Seriously, this guy is such a buffoon that he'd need two or three promotions before he'd make village idiot. And he's just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful man in the world.

You gotta love this country.

But seriously, I have a solution.

American Idol.

I think everyone agrees that Kara is kind of not working out on AI. Not her fault. Paula is a tough act to follow. But how else could you compete with the raw, intoxicated and unintelligible power that is Paula Abdul?

Two words, my friend: Joe Biden.

Just think about it. There is no downside that I can see, and while it might not be more entertaining, it's certainly safer.

I'm Back, Baby

Wow. Haven't blogged in almost one month. Tragic really. But back to business.

Steven King, when asked what was the distinguishing characteristic that identified someone as a writer, responded simply, " Writers write." Now many people that's kind of a silly answer, but I think it is perfect. Indeed, it's the paradigm response to anyone who claims that there are no black and white answers in this world. Sure, we live in a nuanced world filled with gray. No sane person would quarrel with that. To go further, I believe it is not unreasonable to conclude that our world is primarily gray.

You know why that is?

Because black and white - like everything else in the freaking universe - are in a constant battle for supremacy. And just like on Lost neither can win in the long run. Sure, on a given issue here or there white or black will reign supreme, but in the end nature always prefers equilibrium.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITE ANSWERS. All it means is that "all things in moderation" is pretty damned good advice. But it's not the end of the story.

There are universal truths. They are finite in number and usually transcend religion, culture or nationality. But they do exist.

All we have to do is open our minds and find them.

I'll start with this: writers write.