Top Five Reasons I Could Not Attend Obama's Fiscal Responsibility Summit

5. I was at O.J. Simpson's Anger Management Summit.

4. I was at Bernie Madoff's Ethical Investing Seminar.

3. I was at Roger Clemens' How to Testify Before Congress Lecture.

2. I was at the Eliot Spitzer Monogamy Conference.

1. I was at Hugh Hefner's Virginity Symposium.