How to be a Good Neighbor (Revised)

1. Don't speak. Ever. Including when on the telephone.
2. No YouTube, damn it.
3. Do not use the phone.
4. Confidential matters should be kept as such. Do not discuss them unless you make those imaginary quotation marks in the air with your fingers when sharing with others.
5. Take your cellular phone to lunch...wait a minute....there is no lunch.
6. Put your cellular phone on vibrate when at your desk and sit on it. Then call each other and see who starts to smile first.
7. Personal calls. WTF? We do not have time for personal calls. Who came up with this? Whoever it is is fired.
8. Do not shoot "spit wads" (unless they started it and you are merely returning fire).
9. Do not use sign language unless you are speaking with Marlee Matlin.
9. Do not attend meetings. It's like a herd of buffaloes going down the hall when a meeting scheduled.
10. Use headphones when listening to music or other sound-producing files unless it's a great song you think most people would enjoy if they had any taste. And please, never, ever listen to 80s music.
11. If you happen to overhear a private or confidential conversation, pretend that you never heard it all. This does not apply to billing requests, of course.
13. Beware of smells. Like you know when you have to fart in an airport and you look for a Pakistani family because everyone else will think it is them and they'll think it's dinner.
14. Keep your work area neat and clean with all documents filed in the proper places. Okay, forget that one. Ain't happening. What was I thinking?
15. If you are sick, stay home. If you think you might be sick, stay home. If there is an important Oprah episode, stay home.
16. Kick others out gracefully. Be creative. Or just give 'em the finger.
17. Do not sneak up on others unless you can get away with it.
18. Resist the urge to ask your cube neighbor a question “over the wall.”
19. Do not talk to yourself. It freaks me out. Especially if you get into an argument.
20. Do not laugh loudly at the latest joke of the day. Do not read this blog.
Unless you really feel like you have to.