It's now official. I support the armed overthrow of the US government and the summary execution of everyone in Washington. I do not give a damn if they are Democrats or Republicans, black or white, male or female. That whole town is such a massive charlie foxtrot we have to destroy everything and start over from scratch.
Now I know (if anyone reads this) many would regard this as too harsh.
But they are wrong.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Best Line about The Elizabeth & John Edwards Saga
From Dennis Miller:
"Is it possible to tear someone who is one a new one?"
Who Do You Believe?
Here is a good, impartial assessment of the Nancy Pelosi "They never told me they were being mean to captured terrorists ever...okay they told me, but not when they say they did" scandal.
We need more of this.
All politicians lie. Most are lawyers, so only a moron would expect otherwise. The issue is about what, and how brazen is the lie.
Most of these "lies" have a kernel of truth buried in them so they can deny it's lie with some measure validity. Some are so obviously in-your-face false (e.g., "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky", anything Obama says about taxes or economics) that the speaker effectively forfeits the right to be believed about anything.
Nancy Pelosi? I say let's waterboard her on national TV and see what happens.
But here is a brutally honest summary of the whole sorry affair"
See, Republicans, though technically right, are acting like morons, making the whole thing a petty partisan soundbite. I really don't care what we do to these terrorists at Gitmo; I am comfortable that we are not torturing them. Simply put, torture doesn't work. We want to think it does, but history shows otherwise. That's the case I want Republicans to make: we need to grow a pair as a nation and stop acting like a bunch of pussies. We can't have it both ways.
Pelosi - a rank hypocrite who doesn't give a damn about anything unless there is a political point to be scored.
We need more of this.
All politicians lie. Most are lawyers, so only a moron would expect otherwise. The issue is about what, and how brazen is the lie.
Most of these "lies" have a kernel of truth buried in them so they can deny it's lie with some measure validity. Some are so obviously in-your-face false (e.g., "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky", anything Obama says about taxes or economics) that the speaker effectively forfeits the right to be believed about anything.
Nancy Pelosi? I say let's waterboard her on national TV and see what happens.
But here is a brutally honest summary of the whole sorry affair"
Republicans are delighting in the prospect of taking the anti-torture high ground away from Democrats in general, and Pelosi in particular. That's a foolish hope for the GOP. These policies were conceived, defended, and implemented by a Republican administration. Still, it's a mistake to treat this as a partisan matter. It now seems clear that top Democratic leaders like Pelosi knew about the policy, and chose not to challenge it.
After participating in the secret briefings, Pelosi apparently saw little way to change course until Democrats took control of Congress and the White House. Still, it would be nice to see if CIA notes on those confidential briefings showed her at least raising private doubts about those techniques.
See, Republicans, though technically right, are acting like morons, making the whole thing a petty partisan soundbite. I really don't care what we do to these terrorists at Gitmo; I am comfortable that we are not torturing them. Simply put, torture doesn't work. We want to think it does, but history shows otherwise. That's the case I want Republicans to make: we need to grow a pair as a nation and stop acting like a bunch of pussies. We can't have it both ways.
Pelosi - a rank hypocrite who doesn't give a damn about anything unless there is a political point to be scored.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Joe Biden Disease - It's a Pandemic!
Joe Biden, our Vice President, is clinically brain dead. Since his ascension to power, however, this condition has spread rapidly across the country. Case in point, the new credit card law waiting on Barack M.F. Obama's desk this morning.
Here is the NY Times report on the same.
Once again, it's not the idiot who runs up a big credit card bill he or she cannot afford who is at fault. Nooooo! It's the credit card companies! See a trend here? This has been a major theme in American life for decades, a lie propagated by liberals and adopted, albeit grudgingly and/or unconsciously, by the rest of us.
But wait! This article needs an outrageous quote from some monkey dick who purports to be an expert. And here it is:
This is what I love the most. Follow the letter and spirit of the contract? You're a freeloader! You're getting a great deal! Too good, in fact. So in a way, this mess is sort of your fault.
Mr. Robertson, you can suck it. There is no free lunch. I pay every month on time and never pay interest. The credit card companies would not extend credit to me if there was nothing in it for them. But wait...THERE IS! They get 1-3% of the purchase price.
Go wipe the drool off of your chin, Mr. Robertson.
And buried toward the bottom of the article, where you will always find the truth if our dying newspaper industry needs to kill some space, is a bit of common sense:
And there you have it. Contrary to the Obama business model, these companies are not charities. If they can't make money, they go out of business. Very simple concept.
So why is it half the country doesn't get it?
Here is the NY Times report on the same.
Banks are expected to look at reviving annual fees, curtailing cash-back and other rewards programs and charging interest immediately on a purchase instead of allowing a grace period of weeks, according to bank officials and trade groups.
“It will be a different business,” said Edward L. Yingling, the chief executive of the American Bankers Association, which has been lobbying Congress for more lenient legislation on behalf of the nation’s biggest banks. “Those that manage their credit well will in some degree subsidize those that have credit problems.”
As they thin their ranks of risky cardholders to deal with an economic downturn, major banks including American Express, Citigroup, Bank of America and a long list of others have already begun to raise interest rates, and some have set their sights on consumers who pay their bills on time. The legislation scheduled for a Senate vote on Tuesday does not cap interest rates, so banks can continue to lift them, albeit at a slower pace and with greater disclosure.
Once again, it's not the idiot who runs up a big credit card bill he or she cannot afford who is at fault. Nooooo! It's the credit card companies! See a trend here? This has been a major theme in American life for decades, a lie propagated by liberals and adopted, albeit grudgingly and/or unconsciously, by the rest of us.
But wait! This article needs an outrageous quote from some monkey dick who purports to be an expert. And here it is:
“There will be one-size-fits-all pricing, and as a result, you’ll see the industry will be more egalitarian in terms of its revenue base,” said David Robertson, publisher of the Nilson Report, which tracks the credit card business.
People who routinely pay off their credit card balances have been enjoying the equivalent of a free ride, he said, because many have not had to pay an annual fee even as they collect points for air travel and other perks.
“Despite all the terrible things that have been said, you’re making out like a bandit,” he said. “That’s a third of credit card customers, 50 million people who have gotten a great deal.”
This is what I love the most. Follow the letter and spirit of the contract? You're a freeloader! You're getting a great deal! Too good, in fact. So in a way, this mess is sort of your fault.
Mr. Robertson, you can suck it. There is no free lunch. I pay every month on time and never pay interest. The credit card companies would not extend credit to me if there was nothing in it for them. But wait...THERE IS! They get 1-3% of the purchase price.
Go wipe the drool off of your chin, Mr. Robertson.
And buried toward the bottom of the article, where you will always find the truth if our dying newspaper industry needs to kill some space, is a bit of common sense:
Robert Hammer, an industry consultant, said the legislation might have the broad effect of encouraging card issuers to become ever more reliant on fees from marginal customers as well as creditworthy cardholders — “deadbeats” in industry parlance, because they generate scant fee revenue.
“They aren’t charities. They have shareholders to report to,” he said, referring to banks and credit card companies. “Whatever is left in the model to work from, they will start to maneuver.”
And there you have it. Contrary to the Obama business model, these companies are not charities. If they can't make money, they go out of business. Very simple concept.
So why is it half the country doesn't get it?
This is Just Crazy!
No, not Chris' shocking win over Adam on American Idol.
This. The headline says it all:
The obesity epidemic in the US is due solely to increased food intake
First off, REALLY? What's next - the startling announcement that drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand have a high risk of contracting HIV?
Second, lack of exercise played "virtually no role." WTF? Because I see 300 pounders running all the time. Did these imbeciles ever consider the origins of the term "couch potato"?
Third, yet another example of a vital study (which probably cost millions) that I could have handled for free AND YIELDED FAR MORE RELIABLE RESULTS!
GOD, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME? Why did you put so many morons on earth at the same time as me?
But it gets better.
Wow. Totally did not see that coming.
That's right. It's not our fault. We are all just victims of the evil food industry. Right away you know that Swinburn is your typical gasbag liberal douche bag who absolves individuals from all blame for their problems no matter how obvious it is that said problems are self-inflicted.
Dr. Swinburn, I'd like to offer a simple explanation to the problem.
To paraphrase Descartes, "If I eat [too much], therefore I'm fat." Eat less, exercise more.
Another problem solved. Boyd, you can suck it.
This. The headline says it all:
The obesity epidemic in the US is due solely to increased food intake
Melbourne, Australia - The amount of food Americans eat has been increasing since the 1970s, and that alone is the cause of the obesity epidemic in the US today. Physical activity—or the lack thereof—has played virtually no role in the rising number of expanding American waistlines, according to research presented at the 2009 European Congress on Obesity in Amsterdam last week.
First off, REALLY? What's next - the startling announcement that drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand have a high risk of contracting HIV?
Second, lack of exercise played "virtually no role." WTF? Because I see 300 pounders running all the time. Did these imbeciles ever consider the origins of the term "couch potato"?
Third, yet another example of a vital study (which probably cost millions) that I could have handled for free AND YIELDED FAR MORE RELIABLE RESULTS!
GOD, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME? Why did you put so many morons on earth at the same time as me?
But it gets better.
Lead author Dr Boyd Swinburn (an idiot from Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia) says that "If Americans want to get serious about winning the battle of the bulge, they are going to have to cut down on the amount of food they eat."
Wow. Totally did not see that coming.
Swinburn, who is director of the World Health Organization Collaborating Centre for Obesity Prevention, (obviously an institution that should be stripped of all funding now that we have these results in hand), goes on to tell us that " it won't be easy" because "The food industry has done such a great job of marketing their products, making the food so tasty that it's almost irresistible, pricing their products just right, and placing them everywhere, that it is very hard for the average person to resist temptation. Food is virtually everywhere, probably even in churches and funeral parlors."
That's right. It's not our fault. We are all just victims of the evil food industry. Right away you know that Swinburn is your typical gasbag liberal douche bag who absolves individuals from all blame for their problems no matter how obvious it is that said problems are self-inflicted.
Dr. Swinburn, I'd like to offer a simple explanation to the problem.
To paraphrase Descartes, "If I eat [too much], therefore I'm fat." Eat less, exercise more.
Another problem solved. Boyd, you can suck it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tax News of Interest
California is run by idiots (Democrats) and a Republican Governor who got elected by saying he wanted to fix the budget system.
It's not the voters. Yeah we all want more than we can chew. But LEADERSHIP is reminding folks that there is such a thing as reality. So what if you get voted out for telling the truth? In the end, the truth ALWAYS wins out.
I want California to declare bankruptcy because it's the only way to introduce (well, re-introduce) sanity to this country. In this life you get what you deserve in the end, and that's what California deserves.
I know it will be very painful. But it's the right thing to do. Hell, it's the only thing to do.
Which of course means that [insert unprintable expletives here] Obama and Pelosi will bail the stupid basards out, which in turn will unleash a tidal wave of bad consequences. On the bright side, we'll find out if a single member of Congress has any balls.
Unlikely. An earthquake is more likely.
Should be a war crime against the American people. Then we could hang these bastards.
It's not the voters. Yeah we all want more than we can chew. But LEADERSHIP is reminding folks that there is such a thing as reality. So what if you get voted out for telling the truth? In the end, the truth ALWAYS wins out.
I want California to declare bankruptcy because it's the only way to introduce (well, re-introduce) sanity to this country. In this life you get what you deserve in the end, and that's what California deserves.
I know it will be very painful. But it's the right thing to do. Hell, it's the only thing to do.
Which of course means that [insert unprintable expletives here] Obama and Pelosi will bail the stupid basards out, which in turn will unleash a tidal wave of bad consequences. On the bright side, we'll find out if a single member of Congress has any balls.
Unlikely. An earthquake is more likely.
Should be a war crime against the American people. Then we could hang these bastards.
Caddyshack. Guliani. Two Great tastes that Go Great Together.
Not. Making. This. Up.
This is great on so many levels. Andrew is a total DB and has been for years. But a Carl Spackler reference in a federal court opinion?
This judge would definitely be the next Supreme Court nominee if there were any justice in this world.
For the uninitiated, a portion of the the actual movie script:
In an opinion peppered with golf references and a quote from "Caddyshack" star Bill Murray, a federal magistrate has recommended the dismissal of a lawsuit brought by Rudolph Giuliani's son over his booting from Duke University's varsity golf team.
In a lawsuit filed last year, Andrew Giuliani, 23, claimed that the North Carolina school breached a contract when it dropped him from the golf team in early-2008. The school (and coach Orrin Daniel Vincent III) countered by saying that Giuliani was bounced for a variety of boorish acts, including assaulting a teammate, defying coaches, and violating "both the rules and the spirit of the game of golf."
In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon's May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument "brings to mind Carl Spackler's analysis" from "Caddyshack": "He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think." Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he's got that going for him
This is great on so many levels. Andrew is a total DB and has been for years. But a Carl Spackler reference in a federal court opinion?
This judge would definitely be the next Supreme Court nominee if there were any justice in this world.
For the uninitiated, a portion of the the actual movie script:
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
In Which Besty Reminds Me I am a Pig
Seriously.
I'd insert pictures, but Besty, evil genius that she is, has put some sort of voodoo on her computer that precludes this. But the guys who read this would understand.
Olivia Wilde is not only one of television's hottest break-out stars, but she is also the woman Megan Fox has described as “so sexy, she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox.”
While it has to be quite an honor, Wilde, 25, says she is a little skeptical of the recent girl-crush fad, but is passionate about animal rights and willing to do what it takes to keep them safe.
In the June 2009 issue of GQ magazine, on newsstands May 26, she jokes, “of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do,” in response to the suggestion she make out with Fox to save the poor little ox.
I'd insert pictures, but Besty, evil genius that she is, has put some sort of voodoo on her computer that precludes this. But the guys who read this would understand.
Really?
The Pope has his own You Tube channel.
There should be a commandment that precludes this.
Just saying.
There should be a commandment that precludes this.
Just saying.
You Want Irony? I'll Give You Irony!
Facts: Dude gets drunk in Chicago. Tries to throw brick through window of the Apple Store. Brick cracks window but bounces away with window intact.
Analysis: Amazing.
Rationale: First time in history that Windows didn't crash and Apple happens to be involved.
There is a God and He has a wicked sense of humor.
Analysis: Amazing.
Rationale: First time in history that Windows didn't crash and Apple happens to be involved.
There is a God and He has a wicked sense of humor.
Obviously Obama Voters Involved
You just have to read this one.
Where to begin?
If you are this bloody stupid you have waived the right to privacy, right?
Where to begin?
A game of tag with a flame and lighter fluid has sent an unidentified man to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle to be treated for serious injuries, said the Clallam County Fire District No. 2 chief.
Volunteer paramedics and emergency medical technicians were called to an area 2 miles east of Port Angeles at about 8 p.m. Monday, said Fire Chief Jon Bugher.
Bugher said several people had been playing a game called "lighter tag," which involves squirting themselves with lighter fluid and then lighting the clothing of the person who is "it."
The tagged person beats the flames out before "tagging" another person.
Bugher refused to name the person who was burned, give his age, or say exactly where he was when he was burned, citing the patient privacy law of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, or HIPAA.
Without a name, hospital personnel cannot report the condition of a patient.
Bugher said he was told by people at the residence that lighter tag is a new fad, but this is the first incident he has heard of in Clallam County.
"To be honest with you, in my mind, I was just stunned," he said.
"It sure scared us."
He added, "If people are doing this, if they are teenagers or young adults, they are really putting themselves at risk.
"If someone comes home and their clothing looks singed or burned, people need to be asking and be aware."
Although Clallam County sheriff's deputies weren't called to investigate, Sheriff Bill Benedict said he will look into the incident to see if criminal charges would be appropriate.
Benedict said this is also the first time he has heard of such a game.
Citing privacy laws, Bugher also declined to say how many people he believed were playing lighter tag.
If you are this bloody stupid you have waived the right to privacy, right?
Unbelievable...but true!
You always here about these "studies." I believe in science. I believe research is important. But we have funded some bloody ridiculous stuff.
Try this one on.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I made this up. But no, it's true. Everyone involved and everyone who approved it. I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE VILLAGE IDIOTS, should be fired immediately because I can handle this one from the comfort of my laptop.
Q: Why are drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection?
A: Because they are drug abusing prostitutes.
I'll bet even Joe Biden could have figured that one out.
The cost of my research? FREE. The difference between my research findings and what you will hear on NPR next year? NOTHING. Potential savings for the American taxpayer? $178,000.
Closing the budget deficit one idiot at a time.
Try this one on.
The federal government is spending $178,000 to better understand why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection, an endeavor taxpayer watchdogs are calling a huge waste of American taxpayers' money.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I made this up. But no, it's true. Everyone involved and everyone who approved it. I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE VILLAGE IDIOTS, should be fired immediately because I can handle this one from the comfort of my laptop.
Q: Why are drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection?
A: Because they are drug abusing prostitutes.
I'll bet even Joe Biden could have figured that one out.
The cost of my research? FREE. The difference between my research findings and what you will hear on NPR next year? NOTHING. Potential savings for the American taxpayer? $178,000.
Closing the budget deficit one idiot at a time.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Joe Biden, V.I.
Joe Freaking Biden.
WTF. I mean, WTF.
Seriously, this guy is such a buffoon that he'd need two or three promotions before he'd make village idiot. And he's just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful man in the world.
You gotta love this country.
But seriously, I have a solution.
American Idol.
I think everyone agrees that Kara is kind of not working out on AI. Not her fault. Paula is a tough act to follow. But how else could you compete with the raw, intoxicated and unintelligible power that is Paula Abdul?
Two words, my friend: Joe Biden.
Just think about it. There is no downside that I can see, and while it might not be more entertaining, it's certainly safer.
WTF. I mean, WTF.
Seriously, this guy is such a buffoon that he'd need two or three promotions before he'd make village idiot. And he's just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful man in the world.
You gotta love this country.
But seriously, I have a solution.
American Idol.
I think everyone agrees that Kara is kind of not working out on AI. Not her fault. Paula is a tough act to follow. But how else could you compete with the raw, intoxicated and unintelligible power that is Paula Abdul?
Two words, my friend: Joe Biden.
Just think about it. There is no downside that I can see, and while it might not be more entertaining, it's certainly safer.
I'm Back, Baby
Wow. Haven't blogged in almost one month. Tragic really. But back to business.
Steven King, when asked what was the distinguishing characteristic that identified someone as a writer, responded simply, " Writers write." Now many people that's kind of a silly answer, but I think it is perfect. Indeed, it's the paradigm response to anyone who claims that there are no black and white answers in this world. Sure, we live in a nuanced world filled with gray. No sane person would quarrel with that. To go further, I believe it is not unreasonable to conclude that our world is primarily gray.
You know why that is?
Because black and white - like everything else in the freaking universe - are in a constant battle for supremacy. And just like on Lost neither can win in the long run. Sure, on a given issue here or there white or black will reign supreme, but in the end nature always prefers equilibrium.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITE ANSWERS. All it means is that "all things in moderation" is pretty damned good advice. But it's not the end of the story.
There are universal truths. They are finite in number and usually transcend religion, culture or nationality. But they do exist.
All we have to do is open our minds and find them.
I'll start with this: writers write.
Steven King, when asked what was the distinguishing characteristic that identified someone as a writer, responded simply, " Writers write." Now many people that's kind of a silly answer, but I think it is perfect. Indeed, it's the paradigm response to anyone who claims that there are no black and white answers in this world. Sure, we live in a nuanced world filled with gray. No sane person would quarrel with that. To go further, I believe it is not unreasonable to conclude that our world is primarily gray.
You know why that is?
Because black and white - like everything else in the freaking universe - are in a constant battle for supremacy. And just like on Lost neither can win in the long run. Sure, on a given issue here or there white or black will reign supreme, but in the end nature always prefers equilibrium.
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITE ANSWERS. All it means is that "all things in moderation" is pretty damned good advice. But it's not the end of the story.
There are universal truths. They are finite in number and usually transcend religion, culture or nationality. But they do exist.
All we have to do is open our minds and find them.
I'll start with this: writers write.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I Was Told There Would Be No Math
These Obama guys just kill me. They are starting make Bush look like a skin flint.
When he received complaints about the $8 billion in pork laden earmarks in the latest Appropriations bill, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs described the amount at issue as small and insignificant.
Yesterday, when President Obama announced he would find a way to cut $100 million of wasteful spending, the same Robert Gibbs said:
Even Paul Krugman, the most liberal voice in America, agrees that this is a joke.
Except, of course, Obama isn't talking about $100 million per day. He's talking about $100 million total. That's .00002857%. Sweet.
When he received complaints about the $8 billion in pork laden earmarks in the latest Appropriations bill, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs described the amount at issue as small and insignificant.
Yesterday, when President Obama announced he would find a way to cut $100 million of wasteful spending, the same Robert Gibbs said:
"Only in Washington, D.C., is $100 million not a lot of money," Gibbs said. "It is where I'm from. It is where I grew up. And I think it is for hundreds of millions of Americans."
Even Paul Krugman, the most liberal voice in America, agrees that this is a joke.
Let’s say the administration finds $100 million in efficiencies every working day for the rest of the Obama administration’s first term. That’s still around $80 billion, or around 2% of one year’s federal spending.
Except, of course, Obama isn't talking about $100 million per day. He's talking about $100 million total. That's .00002857%. Sweet.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
What a Bunch of Pansies
Somali Freaking Pirates
A few thoughts.
First, whatever the UN says, do the opposite. Just generally a good rule of thumb until that organization gets its head out of its ass, which I think highly unlikely.
Second, this isn't complicated. International law is (or was, until pansies started to have a say in things) very clear. I could care less if we go in guns a blazing or if we call in Steven Segal for a stealth attack or if we just wait them out. But when it ends, you shoot them on the spot and throw their bodies in the ocean as shark food.
There is no middle ground here. Piracy has been around for centuries and it has always been handled this way. It's what Thomas Jefferson did, and if it was good enough for him it ought to be good enough for us.
Once again, history is very clear on this. You give in to these bastards and they'll keep doing it until no one is safe on the high seas. Which is of course what the pansies will do.
Pansies cause more death in the name of peace than all the generals in history combined. You could look that up.
The US says it is working with other governments to tackle piracy by Somali pirate vessels on high seas, describing it as a 'serious issue' that Washington cannot solve alone.
A few thoughts.
First, whatever the UN says, do the opposite. Just generally a good rule of thumb until that organization gets its head out of its ass, which I think highly unlikely.
Second, this isn't complicated. International law is (or was, until pansies started to have a say in things) very clear. I could care less if we go in guns a blazing or if we call in Steven Segal for a stealth attack or if we just wait them out. But when it ends, you shoot them on the spot and throw their bodies in the ocean as shark food.
There is no middle ground here. Piracy has been around for centuries and it has always been handled this way. It's what Thomas Jefferson did, and if it was good enough for him it ought to be good enough for us.
Once again, history is very clear on this. You give in to these bastards and they'll keep doing it until no one is safe on the high seas. Which is of course what the pansies will do.
Pansies cause more death in the name of peace than all the generals in history combined. You could look that up.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Ach Du Lieber!
A helicopter rescue team was sent out after screams were heard in a German forest only to find a man laughing loudly at a new book.
A woman called emergency services after she said she could hear someone being tortured because she heard someone "screaming" for three hours.
The rescue team found Roland Hofmann and ordered him to give up and release his hostage.
Hofmann was shocked and explained to police he had gone into the forest to read "in peace and quiet" and was reading a book that him laugh out loud.
It's not clear what book the man was reading.
Roland Hofmann, I want to party with you, sir.
Paging Mr. Obvious
The sign in front of the home said it all: "This is NOT the crackhouse."
Uh, if you need to put that sign on your house odds are pretty good you need to move anyway.
Canadians. They're crazy.
Signs of the Apocalypse, Part 5
Is Waffle House Historic?
It's an icon in metro Atlanta. Now Waffle House might become a historical landmark.
An application is before the DeKalb Historical Preservation Committee to make Waffle House #1, on East College Avenue, a historic property.
There's a public hearing on the matter at the Maloof Center next week.
That particular Waffle House no longer serves it up scattered, smotherer and cover. It's been turned into a museum.
Didn't Know They Kept Such Records
CHARLOTTE, N.C., April 9 /PRNewswire/ -- Fertility specialists of Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte (REACH) herald the successful birth of a baby girl March 4 who was conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF) at their laboratory with sperm frozen for 21 years, which they believe ties the world record for the longest-frozen sperm used to create a baby with IVF.
Not even a freezer burn?
Wisdom. It's Free.
Very seldom do crises occur without government being at or near the root of the problem.
From Now On Every Time I Make a Mistake
I am just going to say, "Jacob made me do it."
I think it just might work.
I think it just might work.
Yeah, I Am Going to Hell. Your Point?
See, this is so bad it is hilarious. It's Great Odin's Raven! hilarious.
Reason No. 1,237 Why Liberals are Disingenuous
The irony here is deeper than the Mariana Trench.
First, they want to paid for their opinions, which, oh, I don't know, kind of suggests that those same opinions are not freely held. Which is kind of, I don't know, corrupt and dishonest. I thought they hated the whole quid pro quo arrangement between politicians and lobbyists/special interests and all that?
Second, notice how those who espouse socialism are bloodthirsty capitalists all of a sudden. Now they are "small businessmen struggling to survive."
I'd say these folks are unprincipled but that would be an insult to unprincipled people. Why anyone would ever listen to them boggles my mind.
First, they want to paid for their opinions, which, oh, I don't know, kind of suggests that those same opinions are not freely held. Which is kind of, I don't know, corrupt and dishonest. I thought they hated the whole quid pro quo arrangement between politicians and lobbyists/special interests and all that?
Second, notice how those who espouse socialism are bloodthirsty capitalists all of a sudden. Now they are "small businessmen struggling to survive."
I'd say these folks are unprincipled but that would be an insult to unprincipled people. Why anyone would ever listen to them boggles my mind.
I Think He Is Serious
I am pretty sure, however, that he should be an organ donor.
Here is the backdrop:
No big deal, right? I mean, I seem to recall a few folks getting together and protesting the Iraq War and other policies of the Bush Administration. Kind of what the First Amendment contemplates - the whole "petition the government for redress of grievances" thing.
But noooooooo........
So, if I disagree with Obama then too bad, I have to just suck it?
Apparently, the answer is yes...but it's even worse!!!
Whoa! Dude, it's just a protest. Kind of a big leap from protesting policies which are admittedly socialist to civil war, don't you think?
Anti-tax = hate? Did. Not. Know. That.
But it gets better.
Last I checked the Founding Fathers were kind of inspired by and following through on principles espoused at the original [Boston] Tea Party, and foremost among these was "no taxation without representation."
Are there really people this stupid out there, and are they all Obama supporters?
Here is the backdrop:
On April 15th, hundreds of thousands of PO’d red meat eatin’ Americans will converge on the streets to protest the Obama administration’s policies and platforms.
No big deal, right? I mean, I seem to recall a few folks getting together and protesting the Iraq War and other policies of the Bush Administration. Kind of what the First Amendment contemplates - the whole "petition the government for redress of grievances" thing.
But noooooooo........
In reality, their ‘movement’ is incredibly divisive, a mindset that stands in sharp contrast to Obama’s calls for bipartisanship in this time of great national need. Their arguments have the potential to divide the country along titanic lines not seen since the bloody days of the Civil War. Think I’m exaggerating here? The Tea Party movement is an incredibly dangerous concept, fuelled by the usual gushes of sycophantic support from the conservative news media.
So, if I disagree with Obama then too bad, I have to just suck it?
Apparently, the answer is yes...but it's even worse!!!
If the country continues down this dark path, a second Civil War might not just be a cool idea for a sci-fi novel anymore. Can you imagine the potential for chaos if some of these ‘protesters’ decide to exercise the Second Amendment and bring their weapons to these rallies? There’s a thin line between peaceful protest and bloodthirsty patriotic fervor, especially if those protesting are used to being on the side of the mighty status quo.
Whoa! Dude, it's just a protest. Kind of a big leap from protesting policies which are admittedly socialist to civil war, don't you think?
And I hope the protesters fail in their mission to bring their message to a national audience. It’s a message of fear, prejudice and, quite frankly, hate.
Anti-tax = hate? Did. Not. Know. That.
But it gets better.
President Obama was elected democratically, according to the doctrines set forth by the Founding Fathers. The Tea Party movement represents a real danger to the tenets of democracy Americans have embraced for centuries.
Last I checked the Founding Fathers were kind of inspired by and following through on principles espoused at the original [Boston] Tea Party, and foremost among these was "no taxation without representation."
Are there really people this stupid out there, and are they all Obama supporters?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I'm Guessing He Didn't Like It
Man shoots himself during "Watchmen" movie.
I heard it wasn't very good.
That Darn Obama
Some one should tell him that Austrians speak, um, German.
I wonder if he knows Brazilian or American?
I thought Bush was the idiot. Okay, he kind of was.
But still.
Interesting Reading
You have to love any article with the term "Crap Assets" in the title.
So basically here's a couple of chaps who are saying that everything the government is trying to do to save us is based upon a faulty premise.
I'd be surprised except for the fact it's the only answer that makes sense.
Occam's Razor and all that.
So basically here's a couple of chaps who are saying that everything the government is trying to do to save us is based upon a faulty premise.
I'd be surprised except for the fact it's the only answer that makes sense.
Occam's Razor and all that.
Meanwhile, Andrew Explains What Cold Means
All tax season our young intern, Andrew, refuses to wear a coat no matter how cold it is. When questioned about this, he always replies "It's not cold out."
It's snowing today.
Coat for Andrew?
Nope.
I think his ancestors were the same ones who said that 115 degree heat in Arizona wasn't really hot, but rather "dry heat."
It's snowing today.
Coat for Andrew?
Nope.
I think his ancestors were the same ones who said that 115 degree heat in Arizona wasn't really hot, but rather "dry heat."
Cold Out This Morning
I can't feel my fingers.
But at least the back of my hand isn't freakishly red.
But at least the back of my hand isn't freakishly red.
"Leggett" sort of rhymes with "Damn It!"
| As predicted in the column a long time ago (Saturday), former Misfit Connie Leggett has won the 2009 NCCA Bracket Pool even though her team, Michigan State, got their sorry Big Ten asses kicked by a team from the South. And even though she didn't pick the most correct games. Great Oden's Raven it's not fair, but there you go. Well done, Connie. People who live in your neighborhood or who used to live in your neighborhood are now banned from participating. If she doesn't collect her winnings by 10 am the Committee will assume she is too embarrassed and award the prize money to whoever finished second (i.e, the first loser). Group Standings | ||||||
| Rank | Team Name | Score | Correct | Best Score | Best Correct | Champion |
| 1 | Connie Leggett | 292 | 49 | 292 | 49 | Michigan St. (112) |
| 2 | Greg Erickson | 290 | 50 | 290 | 50 | Louisville (150) |
| 3 | Leigh Anne Joseph | 276 | 43 | 276 | 43 | North Carolina (123) |
| 4 | Matthew McGowan | 271 | 46 | 271 | 46 | Louisville (168) |
| 5 | Robert Freeman | 269 | 45 | 269 | 45 | North Carolina (168) |
| 6 | Amy Holley | 264 | 41 | 264 | 41 | North Carolina (100) |
| 7 | Whitney Mcgowan | 259 | 46 | 259 | 46 | Louisville (167) |
| 8 | Buddy Hamilton | 257 | 45 | 257 | 45 | Louisville (173) |
| 9 | Phyllis Hodge | 256 | 44 | 256 | 44 | North Carolina (155) |
| 10 | Kristen Hicks | 252 | 41 | 252 | 41 | North Carolina (118) |
| 11 | Glenn Sharp | 249 | 43 | 249 | 43 | North Carolina (159) |
| 12 | danny pressley | 249 | 46 | 249 | 46 | Pittsburgh (142) |
| 13 | Kelly Fitzpatrick | 244 | 43 | 244 | 43 | North Carolina (123) |
| 14 | John Bailes | 238 | 43 | 238 | 43 | Pittsburgh (144) |
| 15 | Nelson Swainson | 237 | 43 | 237 | 43 | Louisville (155) |
| 16 | Christie Knapper | 233 | 43 | 233 | 43 | Duke (97) |
| 17 | Jake Hutchison | 229 | 40 | 229 | 40 | Pittsburgh (143) |
| 18 | Andrew Pitts | 227 | 43 | 227 | 43 | Memphis (179) |
| 19 | Hallie Richards | 225 | 43 | 225 | 43 | Pittsburgh (165) |
| 20 | Todd Bealer | 224 | 39 | 224 | 39 | North Carolina (155) |
| 21 | Adam Tinker | 224 | 42 | 224 | 42 | Connecticut (152) |
| 22 | Sandy Richards | 223 | 42 | 223 | 42 | Memphis (162) |
| 23 | Clay Irby | 223 | 44 | 223 | 44 | Pittsburgh (144) |
| 24 | Wade Knapper | 222 | 43 | 222 | 43 | Pittsburgh (149) |
| 25 | Jill Green | 214 | 40 | 214 | 40 | Oklahoma St. (143) |
| 26 | Jonathan Swainson | 212 | 41 | 212 | 41 | Louisville (171) |
| 27 | Allison Pressley | 211 | 41 | 211 | 41 | Memphis (158) |
| 28 | Joe Krumdieck | 210 | 42 | 210 | 42 | Pittsburgh (149) |
| 29 | Steve Richards | 209 | 40 | 209 | 40 | Louisville (167) |
| 30 | Mark King | 208 | 40 | 208 | 40 | Louisville (162) |
| 31 | Sarah Singleton | 205 | 40 | 205 | 40 | Memphis (138) |
| 32 | Matt King | 204 | 40 | 204 | 40 | Pittsburgh (126) |
| 33 | Jim McCollum | 199 | 39 | 199 | 39 | Louisville (134) |
| 34 | andrew hartung | 195 | 40 | 195 | 40 | Pittsburgh (119) |
| 35 | david young | 192 | 35 | 192 | 35 | Memphis (160) |
| 36 | Christine Bell | 181 | 37 | 181 | 37 | Pittsburgh (167) |
| 37 | Jessica Cooper | 180 | 38 | 180 | 38 | Memphis (188 |
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Movie/TV Show Ideas
So I yell up to Besty:
"Hey Bets.....do you remember last week when I told you I had an idea for a movie or a TV show and you said, 'That's actually good. You should write that down?'"
Besty: "Not really."
Another dream dies a slow and agonizing death.
Anyway, there is so much crap on TV that I think we ought to be able to come up with more stuff that is, like, good. I think about it constantly.
What if there was a show just about dreams people had. I'd call it "Dreams." You could have a new cast every week - like the old Twilight Zone - so production costs would be reasonable. You'd give a lot of actors, directors and writers work, so they should be happy. It's like a blank canvas; you could have raucously funny episodes and then serious episodes so you could win Emmy Awards and People's Choice Awards. (Although I never understood the People's Choice Awards. I mean, who the %$#@ is the Hollywood Foreign Press, anyway? Are they "the People"? I didn't vote for them, and neither did you. They are foreigners!. Who cares what they think? But I digress.)
The cool thing is that - say, unlike LOST - it doesn't have to make sense BECAUSE IT IS A *&^ %$#@ DREAM!
For years growing up I had this dream I could fly. Not like in Heroes. More like I would flap my arms like a bird to get off the ground (but it seemed perfectly natural) and then mostly I'd glide around like a hawk - only with a smaller nose. I had this real sensation of flight when I would wake up (which usually occurred shortly after I crashed). Man, I loved that dream. Too bad they don't have DVR for your dreams.
That's why it's a bloody good idea for a show. Just imagine the material you'd have to work with. You wouldn't even have to rely on writers. You could set up a web site and people could send in their dreams and you would pay them like $25,000 and the writers could take it and make a good, tight script and they could cast good looking people to play you, and then when you went to a bar people would say, "Hey, didn't [insert good looking actor/actress' name here] play you on Dreams last night?"
And you could go, "Yeah, but he/she is a lot shorter [because everyone in Hollywood except Tim Robbins is a dwarf]."
And then everyone would buy you drinks.
That's it.
I am writing HBO write now.
This is now copyrighted.
"Hey Bets.....do you remember last week when I told you I had an idea for a movie or a TV show and you said, 'That's actually good. You should write that down?'"
Besty: "Not really."
Another dream dies a slow and agonizing death.
Anyway, there is so much crap on TV that I think we ought to be able to come up with more stuff that is, like, good. I think about it constantly.
What if there was a show just about dreams people had. I'd call it "Dreams." You could have a new cast every week - like the old Twilight Zone - so production costs would be reasonable. You'd give a lot of actors, directors and writers work, so they should be happy. It's like a blank canvas; you could have raucously funny episodes and then serious episodes so you could win Emmy Awards and People's Choice Awards. (Although I never understood the People's Choice Awards. I mean, who the %$#@ is the Hollywood Foreign Press, anyway? Are they "the People"? I didn't vote for them, and neither did you. They are foreigners!. Who cares what they think? But I digress.)
The cool thing is that - say, unlike LOST - it doesn't have to make sense BECAUSE IT IS A *&^ %$#@ DREAM!
For years growing up I had this dream I could fly. Not like in Heroes. More like I would flap my arms like a bird to get off the ground (but it seemed perfectly natural) and then mostly I'd glide around like a hawk - only with a smaller nose. I had this real sensation of flight when I would wake up (which usually occurred shortly after I crashed). Man, I loved that dream. Too bad they don't have DVR for your dreams.
That's why it's a bloody good idea for a show. Just imagine the material you'd have to work with. You wouldn't even have to rely on writers. You could set up a web site and people could send in their dreams and you would pay them like $25,000 and the writers could take it and make a good, tight script and they could cast good looking people to play you, and then when you went to a bar people would say, "Hey, didn't [insert good looking actor/actress' name here] play you on Dreams last night?"
And you could go, "Yeah, but he/she is a lot shorter [because everyone in Hollywood except Tim Robbins is a dwarf]."
And then everyone would buy you drinks.
That's it.
I am writing HBO write now.
This is now copyrighted.
I Love a Good Single Malt Scotch
Just throwing out gift ideas.
I hate it when people say "I don't know what to get you."
I hate it when people say "I don't know what to get you."
Let's Do the Time Warp
JC Penney.
Circa 1977.
Just don't blame me if you are drinking milk and it comes out your nose when you start laughing.
Circa 1977.
Just don't blame me if you are drinking milk and it comes out your nose when you start laughing.
Life is so good I can taste it in my spit
Not yet.
But almost.
We're born to live and then to die, and... we got to do it alone, each in his own way.
And we have to love those people in our lives who deserve it like there's no tomorrow.
Because when you get right down to it - there isn't.
But almost.
We're born to live and then to die, and... we got to do it alone, each in his own way.
And we have to love those people in our lives who deserve it like there's no tomorrow.
Because when you get right down to it - there isn't.
My Conversation With DJ (continued)
DJ: [looking at a Due Date printout] It's almost Judgment Day, you know?
GE: No. What's that then?
DJ: Well, it's, you know, like the the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that. We file extensions. Plus it's Gilbert's birthday.
GE: Oh. But you intrigue me. Who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that?
DJ: Yeah, kind of like that. Until then, it's like....
GE: Purgatory.
DJ: Purgatory... what's that?
GE: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really bad, but you weren't all that great either. Like Wartburg.
[pause]
DJ: Do you believe in all that stuff?
GE: About Wartburg?
GE: No. What's that then?
DJ: Well, it's, you know, like the the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that. We file extensions. Plus it's Gilbert's birthday.
GE: Oh. But you intrigue me. Who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that?
DJ: Yeah, kind of like that. Until then, it's like....
GE: Purgatory.
DJ: Purgatory... what's that?
GE: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really bad, but you weren't all that great either. Like Wartburg.
[pause]
DJ: Do you believe in all that stuff?
GE: About Wartburg?
In Which the Secret to Tax Season is Revealed
Debbie Jones: Did we or did we not agree that if I left you alone during tax season you'd do the things I needed to get done?
GE: Didn't we do all the things you wanted to do get done?
DJ: Yes, but I wanted them done without you throwing a *&^%ing moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his candy.
GE: We didn't agree to that.
GE: Didn't we do all the things you wanted to do get done?
DJ: Yes, but I wanted them done without you throwing a *&^%ing moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his candy.
GE: We didn't agree to that.
An Interview with Mark King
GE: Mark, you've never done well at this. Why do you play?
MK: It's a lot like breeding cattle.
GE: How so?
MK: The odds of winning are pretty slim.
GE: Well, maybe. But we don't have that many contestants?
MK: I know, but you have to like Gordon.
GE: Jeff Gordon?
MK: Yeah, he won today. He was due.
GE: I thought you were an Earnhardt guy?
MK: I am. But, well, you know.... Gordon would have six titles under the old system. Dale only had seven. I think this is Gordon's year.
GE: That's a nice jacket you are wearing.
MK: You like it?
GE: I do. Is it made of wool?
Mk: Yes, it is.
GE: Was it expensive? It looks expensive.
MK: No. It was quite reasonable.
GE: Where did you get it?
MK: MS McClelllan.
GE: Nice. One more question?
MK: Shoot.
GE: Do they make them for men?
MK: GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN!
MK: It's a lot like breeding cattle.
GE: How so?
MK: The odds of winning are pretty slim.
GE: Well, maybe. But we don't have that many contestants?
MK: I know, but you have to like Gordon.
GE: Jeff Gordon?
MK: Yeah, he won today. He was due.
GE: I thought you were an Earnhardt guy?
MK: I am. But, well, you know.... Gordon would have six titles under the old system. Dale only had seven. I think this is Gordon's year.
GE: That's a nice jacket you are wearing.
MK: You like it?
GE: I do. Is it made of wool?
Mk: Yes, it is.
GE: Was it expensive? It looks expensive.
MK: No. It was quite reasonable.
GE: Where did you get it?
MK: MS McClelllan.
GE: Nice. One more question?
MK: Shoot.
GE: Do they make them for men?
MK: GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN!
Meanwhile, While We Ate Dinner
I tried GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN at dinner. It was received well by the boys; by Besty not so much.
Did I mention that Sam and Jack liked it? Great Oden's Raven - they loved it!
Anyway, we had filets for dinner, which Besty got a great deal on at Kroger. She gets two 10 oz steaks and we cut them in half. A little red wine, some green beans and some gnocchi with olive oil & parmesan cheese It's not as good as my fresh homemade gnocchi from freaking scratch, but it only takes about 4 minutes instead of 4 hours, so it's a worthwhile trade-off. Very Food Network; stellar presentation and great flavor
We had a family discussion about the morality of eating beef. We increasingly prefer good beef just medium rare, maybe a hair under medium rare. Besty told the boys she could understand why vegetarians felt the way they do.
Jack replies: "Yeah, I understand. Fun to pet. Better to chew." (And I am not making this up.)
Those darn kids!
Did I mention that Sam and Jack liked it? Great Oden's Raven - they loved it!
Anyway, we had filets for dinner, which Besty got a great deal on at Kroger. She gets two 10 oz steaks and we cut them in half. A little red wine, some green beans and some gnocchi with olive oil & parmesan cheese It's not as good as my fresh homemade gnocchi from freaking scratch, but it only takes about 4 minutes instead of 4 hours, so it's a worthwhile trade-off. Very Food Network; stellar presentation and great flavor
We had a family discussion about the morality of eating beef. We increasingly prefer good beef just medium rare, maybe a hair under medium rare. Besty told the boys she could understand why vegetarians felt the way they do.
Jack replies: "Yeah, I understand. Fun to pet. Better to chew." (And I am not making this up.)
Those darn kids!
Here's a Thought
Some time during the day, instead of cursing (or thinking about cursing), I want you to say, in a loud voice:
GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN!
Let's start a trend.(T-shirt's are available.)
GREAT ODEN'S RAVEN!
Let's start a trend.(T-shirt's are available.)
Before There Was Nike
Your sneakers were made by tire companies.
Makes sense to me. Unless you're not the casual type.
Years later the advertising industry recognized that insulting people in order to get them to wear gay sneakers was a bad move.
How do I know this?
Well, is B.F. Goodrich still in the sneaker business?
Check It Out
That's Former Senator, Former Rhodes Scholar, Former Final Four MVP Bill Bradley. I think the other guy is a dorkish version of the wolfman.
Or John Sandercock. THE John Sandercock.
John Sandercock has been in Sports Illustrated. Have you? Then stop laughing.
Clearly this is before "cool" was invented. Also before name changes were apparently legal in Great Britain.
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