Other Fun Facts About Great Britain

So Obama goes to the G20 summit and has his crack staff give the press a briefing kit which explained that Great Britain was and island that was “slightly smaller than Oregon“.

Really? Oregon? It rains a lot in Oregon, so that works, but I think they have much better teeth there. Anyway, there really are lots of FUN FACTS ABOUT BRITAIN:

* There’s some confusion over the terms England, Britain, and UK. England is a country. Britain is an island comprised of England, Scotland, and Wales. UK is a very dirty word that’s missing two letters.

* There are over 30,000 John Smiths in Britain, including the Queen before she changed her name to Elizabeth.

* Britain’s emergency number is 999 instead of 911, which - over there - is the number for an adult chat line. This causes a lot of confusion for Americans who expect “what’s your emergency?” and get “what are you wearing?” instead.

* In 1745 the government made it illegal for Scotsmen to wear kilts. The ban remained in force until 1832. Anyone who’s seen a Scotsman on a windy day wishes it still were.

* The two favorite pastimes in Britain are drinking tea and frantically searching for a public toilet.

* In 2012 the Olympics will be held in London, with Britain being the favorite to win the gold in the 100 Meter Silly Walk.

* Although people often make fun of the tall, bearskin hats worn by the Royal Guard, it’s been scientifically determined that the hats are only 5% goofier-looking than Donald Trump’s combover. Plus Beefeaters is great gin.

* Every year in May, the town of Bognor Regis hosts its annual clown parade. A similar event takes place in the US, but we refer to it as Congress.

* Theatre Royal Bristol is the oldest continuously working theatre in Britain and has been staging “Cats” since 1766.

* Cheddar Cheese was discovered 800 years ago by accident when a milk maid allowed a pail of milk to go bad whilst being stored in the caves at Cheddar. Thus its nickname of “Stupid Lazy Wench Cheese”.

* Matthew Webb was the first person to successfully swim the English Channel. He left from Dover in 1875, arrived in France 22 hours later and immediately accepted the surrender of the frightened populace.

* The Hansom Cab (the first taxi) was invented and produced in the town of Hinckley by Joseph Hansom in 1835. He later invented the cab driver by founding the nation of Pakistan.

* Popular as a sandwich spread in Britain, Marmite, is a foul-smelling, brown, sticky paste reminiscent of congealed soy sauce, made from yeast-extract left over from the brewing process. It’s sold under the slogan, “It ain’t good, but at least it ain’t haggis”.
In Australia this is known as Vegemite and it's truly awful, which explains why Aussies have to have it when they have a a hangover.

* Nottingham is home to the smallest public cinema in the world. With only 22 seats, it’s perfect for the screening of any Michael Moore documentary.

Thanks to Frank J.