Crazy, Man. Just Crazy.

This really blows my mind.

A couple of black students sue their county school board for racial discrimination. Both are from "rural Williamsburg County, SC." Okay, it's still the deep South, stereotypes die hard, easy enough to believe that.

The you get to the kicker: the discrimination was inflicted by other black kids because the other black kids were "acting white."

So blacks can discriminate against other blacks on the basis of race.

"You have a culture where to act like you want to do well in school is considered acting white. And that is part of why we're saying that it was racial, even though the students were all of the same race because they weren't acting how the others thought they should be acting as members of that race," Kobrovsky said.

The inmates are running the asylum. Wouldn't America be a better place today if James Earl ray had killed Jesse Jackson instead of Martin Luther King?

Weird

Shouldn't these guys be selling gum or something? (Click on picture to see the whole thing).

The Govenator Needs Help

Not surprised to read that Colleyfornya is going to ask for a bailout.

My suggestion for the government response?



Besides, Ahnuld, if we help you out this time we know that YOU'LL BE BACCCKKK.

In Which a Criminal/Congressman is Mocked

Obama Warns Us (Again) Not To Be Intolerant

What a great President!

In the wake of the attempted Christmas Day bombing of Northwest Airlines flight 253, President Obama, in a news conference from the Pacific White House in Hawaii, on Monday cautioned Americans to avoid “lashing out against folks in puffy underpants.”

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23, the son of a wealthy Nigerian banker, faces charges of attempting to destroy an airliner by detonating a high explosive sewn into what the FBI described as “boxers or briefs … but clearly not adult incontinence undergarments.”

Now this is funny:

Only one carry on? No electronics for the first hour of flight? I wish that, just once, some terrorist would try something that you can only foil by upgrading the passengers to first class and giving them free drinks.

Gitmo, Schmitmo

Gee whiz. You mean the guys in Gitmo that the lefties wanted released really were bad guys?

Damn that George Bush! Sure glad we have Barack now! He won't be so soft on the bastards...

Some day we'll wake up realize that we are at war with radical Islam. Maybe we'll even realize that war sucks. A lot of people get killed, some of whom will be innocent, no matter how "surgical you try to be.

But I doubt it. If you want to win a war, you have to reconcile yourself with this fact: the wars of the past were fought with soldiers. The wars of today (well, pretty much every war since Vietnam) are fought by soldiers who battle against those who wear no uniforms and act in complete and utter disregard for the law of war. They are vermin.

You cannot fight them on conventional terms.

If you have rats or roaches in your house you can try a surgical, one rat or roach at a time, approach. It might work sometimes, especially if there are few rats or roaches. Or you can go Armageddon on them and try to obliterate them all. If the latter you are likely to kill things you'd rather not, but you are also more likely to be successful.

So when Abdul and Mohammad - known bad guys - hide out in a village, you can try a house to house search. It'll work sometimes; you might find them.

Or you can destroy the whole village. It works every time.

It's a terrible approach, of course, except for the fact that it works. And if the bad guys don't play by the rules we don't have many meaningful options, do we?

Think I am being too harsh? Many people do; I get that. But let me throw a little history at you: Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Dresden, Tokyo. We weren't even fighting soldiers in these instances - we just wanted to break the back of the enemy.

And we did.

That's why they call it war.

That's why Sherman observed that "War is Hell." After he burned Atlanta to the ground.

It's the only way to fight a war too - brutal, bloody, violent. Enough with the candy ass approach. It doesn't work - it never has and it never will.

Hillary..a Commie? So says the Washington Post

I am not making this up.

[Secretary of State Clinton] offered an innovation: The Obama administration, she said, would “see human rights in a broad context,” in which “oppression of want — want of food, want of health, want of education, and want of equality in law and in fact” — would be addressed alongside the oppression of tyranny and torture. “That is why,” Ms. Clinton said, “the cornerstones of our 21st-century human rights agenda” would be “supporting democracy” and “fostering development.”

This is indeed an important change in U.S. human rights policy — but the idea behind it is pure 20th century. Ms. Clinton’s lumping of economic and social “rights” with political and personal freedom was a standard doctrine of the Soviet Bloc, which used to argue at every East-West conference that human rights in Czechoslovakia were superior to those in the United States, because one provided government health care that the other lacked. In fact, as U.S. diplomats used to tirelessly respond, rights of liberty — for free expression and religion, for example — are unique in that they are both natural and universal; they will exist so long as governments do not suppress them. Health care, shelter and education are desirable social services, but they depend on resources that governments may or may not possess. These are fundamentally different goods, and one cannot substitute for another.

Liberalism didn't used to be so closely aligned with the "Soviet Bloc." It is now. Too bad, as they have some good ideas. Not many, but a few. But Obama moves us closer to facism every day in ways little and not so little.

I Hate the TSA, but then...Doesn't Everyone?

The TSA makes Gomer Pyle look like Einstein. Yet another reason why Obamacare would suck in every way imaginable. Another screw-up, so the TSA comes down with some new air travel restrictions after being outwitted by yet another retarded Muslim terrorist.

Go to hell. Go directly to hell. Do not pass go.


I already get the body cavity search because I have an artificial hip and set off all the alarms. This will make flying even better. I hate the [insert expletive TSA. I'd almost prefer they take out another plane and then we'd just nuke Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan...you get the picture.

Other thoughts: BAN ALL MUSLIM MALES BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18-35. Not a perfect system, either, but it can't be worse and it might be better. I know it will make your travel experience better.

Seriously, though, you should read this.

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
Transportation Security Administration
Aviation Security Directive
Subject: Security Directive
Number: SD 1544-09-06
Date: December 25, 2009
EXPIRATION: 0200Z on December 30, 2009
This Security Directive (SD) must be implemented immediately. The measures contained in this SD are in addition to all other SDs currently in effect for your operations.
INFORMATION: On December 25, 2009, a terrorist attack was attempted against a flight traveling to the United States. TSA has identified security measures to be implemented by airports, aircraft operators, and foreign air carriers to mitigate potential threats to flights.
APPLICABILITY: THIS SD APPLIES TO AIRCRAFT OPERATORS THAT CARRY OUT A SECURITY PROGRAM REGULATED UNDER 49 CODE OF FEDERAL REGULATIONS (CFR)1544.101(a).
ACTIONS REQUIRED: If you conduct scheduled and/or public charter flight operations under a Full Program under 49 CFR 1544.101(a) departing from any foreign location to the United States (including its territories and possessions), you must immediately implement all measures in this SD for each such flight.
1. BOARDING GATE
1. The aircraft operator or authorized air carrier representative must ensure all passengers are screened at the boarding gate during the boarding process using the following procedures. These procedures are in addition to the screening of all passengers at the screening checkpoint.
1. Perform thorough pat-down of all passengers at boarding gate prior to boarding, concentrating on upper legs and torso.
2. Physically inspect 100 percent of all passenger accessible property at the boarding gate prior to boarding, with focus on syringes being transported along with powders and/or liquids.
3. Ensure the liquids, aerosols, and gels restrictions are strictly adhered to in accordance with SD 1544–06-02E.
2. During the boarding process, the air carrier may exempt passengers who are Heads of State or Heads of Government from the measures outlined in Section I.A. of this SD, including the following who are traveling with the Head of State or Head of Government:
1. Spouse and children, or
2. One other individual (chosen by the Head of State or Head of Government)
3. For the purposes of Section I.B., the following definitions apply:
1. Head of State: An individual serving as the chief public representative of a monarchic or republican nation-state, federation, commonwealth, or any other political state (for example, King, Queen, and President).
2. Head of Government: The chief officer of the executive branch of a government presiding over a cabinet (for example, Prime Minister, Premier, President, and Monarch).
2. IN FLIGHT
1. During flight, the aircraft operator must ensure that the following procedures are followed:
1. Passengers must remain in seats beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
2. Passenger access to carry-on baggage is prohibited beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.
3. Disable aircraft-integrated passenger communications systems and services (phone, internet access services, live television programming, global positioning systems) prior to boarding and during all phases of flight.
4. While over U.S. airspace, flight crew may not make any announcement to passengers concerning flight path or position over cities or landmarks.
5. Passengers may not have any blankets, pillows, or personal belongings on the lap beginning 1 hour prior to arrival at destination.

Now THAT is Funny!

From the Wall Street Journal, the Top 10 Worst Technology Predictions of all time:

"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys," Sir William Preece, chief engineer at the British Post Office, 1878.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H.M. Warner, Warner Bros., 1927.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers," Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

"Television won't be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night," Darryl Zanuck, 20th Century Fox, 1946.

"The world potential market for copying machines is 5,000 at most," IBM executives to the eventual founders of Xerox, 1959.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home," Ken Olsen, founder of mainframe-producer Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

"No one will need more than 637 kb of memory for a personal computer—640K ought to be enough for anybody," Bill Gates, Microsoft, 1981.

"Next Christmas the iPod will be dead, finished, gone, kaput," Sir Alan Sugar, British entrepreneur, 2005.

Besty is really interested in personal aircraft so she can get around quicker and won't have to give the finger to so many incompetent drivers.

Moe, Larry, Curly and Homeland Security

I am not making this up.

These clips would be hilarious if not for the fact that this woman is in charge of Homeland Security, Immigration and a bunch of other important stuff. I don’t think she could match wits with a Kardashian.

Interview 1: Sunday



Interview 2: This Morning. Clearly her observation that “the system worked” from the first interview was taken out of context. Uh, except when she admits that “the system failed horribly.”

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

UP

Normally I wouldn't post something like this, but damn it, it's the truth. I could have embedded the video, but you need to be reading more.

If you see injustice, STAND UP
If something needs to be said, SPEAK UP
If you make an appointment, SHOW UP
If you make a mistake, FESS UP
If you’re overstepping, BACK UP
If you get behind, CATCH UP
If they knock you down, GET UP
If you’re out of line, STRAIGHTEN UP
When your boss instructs, KEEP UP
When your elders speak, LISTEN UP
When your teachers teach, SIT UP
When your preachers preach, WAKE UP
When your country calls, MAN UP
Ladies too... WOMAN UP
When the fight is over, MAKE UP
If you’re being hard, EASE UP
If your heart is closed, OPEN UP
If you want to buy something, SAVE UP--
It’s not an entitlement, so SHUT UP!
If you make a mess, CLEAN IT UP
If you drop trash, PICK IT UP
If a car is waiting for you to
walk across the street, SPEED IT UP
If you’re cold busted, GIVE IT UP
If people fall down, HELP THEM UP--
Not the government, YOU STEP UP
If idiots start fighting, BREAK IT UP
If the music is wholesome, TURN IT UP
If the message is poisonous, THROW IT UP
If your words are vulgar, CLAM IT UP
If your words encourage, KEEP IT UP
If your pants are baggy, PULL THEM UP
If the belt’s too loose, CINCH IT UP
If your fly is down, ZIP IT UP
If you’re dressed half naked, COVER IT UP
If you can’t afford stuff, PASS IT UP--
No “bailouts” folks, PONY UP
If you made a promise, you BACK IT UP
And you can take your whining and PACK IT UP
It’s called personal responsibility, so TAKE IT UP
This country was founded on it, you can LOOK IT UP
It’s the American way people, so TURN IT UP
Because when life gets boring, you SHAKE IT UP
When life is good, you SOAK IT UP
When life’s unfair, you SUCK IT UP
When life is funny, you can YUCK IT UP
When life is sad, just LOOK STRAIGHT UP
And life’s too short people, so LIVE IT UP!

My only complaint would be along the lines of:

If your name is Barack Obama, SHUT THE F*&^ UP.

Health Care Reform

Let's assume for a second that there is a shred of evidence to suggest that a health care system with a substantial government component has merit to it.

For the record, I do support some health care reform. Of course, What I support has nothing in common with what the Dems in Congress have produced.

Let's assume further that the Government can do things cheaper and better (or at least as good as) than private entrepreneurs, without sacrificing the quality.

You with me? Let's go further and presume that Government can establish statutory wage limits for its executives that prevent the bloated salaries, super bonuses, perqs, and other sweetheart arrangements (like health insurance) that are part and parcel of the private entrepreneurial system.

Why in the world would we stop with the health care industry?

I mean, if Government could do those things, what's the downside?

WHAT? Are you implying that Government can't do those things?

Reality is a bitch, ain't it?

B+

You probably saw that Obama was asked how he would rate his first year in office. His response, "A nice, solid B+."

I have several explanations for this answer.

(a) He's smoking crack (again.)

No. I guess I only have one explanation. Anyway, along the same lines, I cam across this: Other Things That Would rate a B+ on the Obama Grading Scale

Tiger had rated his marriage so far a B+.

Charles Manson’s efforts on reforming… hmm… I’d say that’s a solid B+.

Landing of the Hindenburg is a good, solid B+. A- if it were on time.

Hitler’s relationship with the Jews: B+.

My avoiding Godwin’s Law: B+.

D’oh! Accidentally burnt down the house! Now my home owner’s insurance is going to rate me a B+.

As an apostle, I rate Judas a B+.

Somali pirates’ efforts at defending against Navy SEALs: B+

Rubber is rated a B+ on the electrical conductivity scale.

Current newspaper subscription levels: B+

The show Heroes since the first season: B+

“I don’t know how to tell you this… Let’s just say your body’s ability to fight cancer is a solid B+.”

My wife rated my sexual prowess a B+!

Rosie O’Donnell’s knowledge of materials engineering: B+

“I’m real sorry, Dad, but your car… well, its condition is now a B+.”

A nuclear bomb reduces everything within a few miles to B+ conditions.

Bumblebees: B+

Rabies cure for Old Yeller: B+

The faithful get eternal life in Heaven. Everyone else gets a B+.

“The terrorists say if we don’t soon meet their demands, the situation will become B+.”

New western coming out: “The Quick and the B+”

Darth Vader rated his relationship with his children a B+.

Need to let the dog out so she can do a B+.

* * * *

B+ — it’s the new FAIL. What do you rate a B+?

Christmas Shopping

Took the Samster shopping today.

Son of a bee sting...the traffic takes all the fun out of it. But I kept my finger holstered. Sure, a choice word escaped my lips every now and then, but otherwise it was all good.

First stop was Guitar Center. Even though I know nothing about the place or music in general, I must say that everyone that works there is really nice and very helpful. I think Guitar Center employees should be in charge of teaching other retail clerks who they are supposed to do their jobs.

The converstaion bewteen Sam and this nice kid, Andrew, went something like this:

Sam: Dude.

Andrew: Duuude.

Sam: I am looking for BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH WITH A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Andrew: Awesome, man! What do you like to play?

Sam: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Andrew: Dude, that is totally rad. Do you like BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ?

Sam: Sure. I mean, who doesn't? But I am more into BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH right now.

Andrew: 'kay. Let's start you out with this BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH $499.

Me: What?

Andrew: Is that too much?

Me: I can't hear you over the sound of heart pounding.

But we ended up getting a nice amp. Well, I think it's nice. Sam likes it, and that's what really matters. I know it was expensive.

But you can't take it with you, right?

Ted Kennedy is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself

Seriously, though...I feel fine.

I just can't resist any opportunity to knock Fat Ted.

In fact, when I first heard about this new TV show, GLEE, back in the fall, I thought it was a reference to his death.

Now I must focus my evil powers on that rat bastard, KKK-loving, never worked an honest day in his life, has done more to ruin this country than almost anyone in history (but only because he has lived so long): Robert Byrd.

One at a time, baby. One at a time.

@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@!!!!!!!!

It's now official. I support the armed overthrow of the US government and the summary execution of everyone in Washington. I do not give a damn if they are Democrats or Republicans, black or white, male or female. That whole town is such a massive charlie foxtrot we have to destroy everything and start over from scratch.

Now I know (if anyone reads this) many would regard this as too harsh.

But they are wrong.

Best Line about The Elizabeth & John Edwards Saga

From Dennis Miller:

"Is it possible to tear someone who is one a new one?"

Too Cool.

The Big Wheel. Brings to mind the glory days of the American auto industry.

Who Do You Believe?

Here is a good, impartial assessment of the Nancy Pelosi "They never told me they were being mean to captured terrorists ever...okay they told me, but not when they say they did" scandal.

We need more of this.

All politicians lie. Most are lawyers, so only a moron would expect otherwise. The issue is about what, and how brazen is the lie.

Most of these "lies" have a kernel of truth buried in them so they can deny it's lie with some measure validity. Some are so obviously in-your-face false (e.g., "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky", anything Obama says about taxes or economics) that the speaker effectively forfeits the right to be believed about anything.

Nancy Pelosi? I say let's waterboard her on national TV and see what happens.

But here is a brutally honest summary of the whole sorry affair"

Republicans are delighting in the prospect of taking the anti-torture high ground away from Democrats in general, and Pelosi in particular. That's a foolish hope for the GOP. These policies were conceived, defended, and implemented by a Republican administration. Still, it's a mistake to treat this as a partisan matter. It now seems clear that top Democratic leaders like Pelosi knew about the policy, and chose not to challenge it.

After participating in the secret briefings, Pelosi apparently saw little way to change course until Democrats took control of Congress and the White House. Still, it would be nice to see if CIA notes on those confidential briefings showed her at least raising private doubts about those techniques.

See, Republicans, though technically right, are acting like morons, making the whole thing a petty partisan soundbite. I really don't care what we do to these terrorists at Gitmo; I am comfortable that we are not torturing them. Simply put, torture doesn't work. We want to think it does, but history shows otherwise. That's the case I want Republicans to make: we need to grow a pair as a nation and stop acting like a bunch of pussies. We can't have it both ways.

Pelosi - a rank hypocrite who doesn't give a damn about anything unless there is a political point to be scored.

Joe Biden Disease - It's a Pandemic!

Joe Biden, our Vice President, is clinically brain dead. Since his ascension to power, however, this condition has spread rapidly across the country. Case in point, the new credit card law waiting on Barack M.F. Obama's desk this morning.

Here is the NY Times report on the same.

Banks are expected to look at reviving annual fees, curtailing cash-back and other rewards programs and charging interest immediately on a purchase instead of allowing a grace period of weeks, according to bank officials and trade groups.

“It will be a different business,” said Edward L. Yingling, the chief executive of the American Bankers Association, which has been lobbying Congress for more lenient legislation on behalf of the nation’s biggest banks. “Those that manage their credit well will in some degree subsidize those that have credit problems.”

As they thin their ranks of risky cardholders to deal with an economic downturn, major banks including American Express, Citigroup, Bank of America and a long list of others have already begun to raise interest rates, and some have set their sights on consumers who pay their bills on time. The legislation scheduled for a Senate vote on Tuesday does not cap interest rates, so banks can continue to lift them, albeit at a slower pace and with greater disclosure.

Once again, it's not the idiot who runs up a big credit card bill he or she cannot afford who is at fault. Nooooo! It's the credit card companies! See a trend here? This has been a major theme in American life for decades, a lie propagated by liberals and adopted, albeit grudgingly and/or unconsciously, by the rest of us.

But wait! This article needs an outrageous quote from some monkey dick who purports to be an expert. And here it is:

“There will be one-size-fits-all pricing, and as a result, you’ll see the industry will be more egalitarian in terms of its revenue base,” said David Robertson, publisher of the Nilson Report, which tracks the credit card business.

People who routinely pay off their credit card balances have been enjoying the equivalent of a free ride, he said, because many have not had to pay an annual fee even as they collect points for air travel and other perks.

“Despite all the terrible things that have been said, you’re making out like a bandit,” he said. “That’s a third of credit card customers, 50 million people who have gotten a great deal.”

This is what I love the most. Follow the letter and spirit of the contract? You're a freeloader! You're getting a great deal! Too good, in fact. So in a way, this mess is sort of your fault.

Mr. Robertson, you can suck it. There is no free lunch. I pay every month on time and never pay interest. The credit card companies would not extend credit to me if there was nothing in it for them. But wait...THERE IS! They get 1-3% of the purchase price.

Go wipe the drool off of your chin, Mr. Robertson.

And buried toward the bottom of the article, where you will always find the truth if our dying newspaper industry needs to kill some space, is a bit of common sense:

Robert Hammer, an industry consultant, said the legislation might have the broad effect of encouraging card issuers to become ever more reliant on fees from marginal customers as well as creditworthy cardholders — “deadbeats” in industry parlance, because they generate scant fee revenue.

“They aren’t charities. They have shareholders to report to,” he said, referring to banks and credit card companies. “Whatever is left in the model to work from, they will start to maneuver.”

And there you have it. Contrary to the Obama business model, these companies are not charities. If they can't make money, they go out of business. Very simple concept.

So why is it half the country doesn't get it?

I Never Understood Nancy & Sluggo. This I Get.

This is Just Crazy!

No, not Chris' shocking win over Adam on American Idol.

This. The headline says it all:

The obesity epidemic in the US is due solely to increased food intake

Melbourne, Australia - The amount of food Americans eat has been increasing since the 1970s, and that alone is the cause of the obesity epidemic in the US today. Physical activity—or the lack thereof—has played virtually no role in the rising number of expanding American waistlines, according to research presented at the 2009 European Congress on Obesity in Amsterdam last week.

First off, REALLY? What's next - the startling announcement that drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand have a high risk of contracting HIV?

Second, lack of exercise played "virtually no role." WTF? Because I see 300 pounders running all the time. Did these imbeciles ever consider the origins of the term "couch potato"?

Third, yet another example of a vital study (which probably cost millions) that I could have handled for free AND YIELDED FAR MORE RELIABLE RESULTS!

GOD, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME? Why did you put so many morons on earth at the same time as me?

But it gets better.

Lead author Dr Boyd Swinburn (an idiot from Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia) says that "If Americans want to get serious about winning the battle of the bulge, they are going to have to cut down on the amount of food they eat."

Wow. Totally did not see that coming.

Swinburn, who is director of the World Health Organization Collaborating Centre for Obesity Prevention, (obviously an institution that should be stripped of all funding now that we have these results in hand), goes on to tell us that " it won't be easy" because "The food industry has done such a great job of marketing their products, making the food so tasty that it's almost irresistible, pricing their products just right, and placing them everywhere, that it is very hard for the average person to resist temptation. Food is virtually everywhere, probably even in churches and funeral parlors."

That's right. It's not our fault. We are all just victims of the evil food industry. Right away you know that Swinburn is your typical gasbag liberal douche bag who absolves individuals from all blame for their problems no matter how obvious it is that said problems are self-inflicted.

Dr. Swinburn, I'd like to offer a simple explanation to the problem.

To paraphrase Descartes, "If I eat [too much], therefore I'm fat." Eat less, exercise more.

Another problem solved. Boyd, you can suck it.

Tax News of Interest

California is run by idiots (Democrats) and a Republican Governor who got elected by saying he wanted to fix the budget system.

It's not the voters. Yeah we all want more than we can chew. But LEADERSHIP is reminding folks that there is such a thing as reality. So what if you get voted out for telling the truth? In the end, the truth ALWAYS wins out.

I want California to declare bankruptcy because it's the only way to introduce (well, re-introduce) sanity to this country. In this life you get what you deserve in the end, and that's what California deserves.

I know it will be very painful. But it's the right thing to do. Hell, it's the only thing to do.

Which of course means that [insert unprintable expletives here] Obama and Pelosi will bail the stupid basards out, which in turn will unleash a tidal wave of bad consequences. On the bright side, we'll find out if a single member of Congress has any balls.

Unlikely. An earthquake is more likely.

Should be a war crime against the American people. Then we could hang these bastards.

Caddyshack. Guliani. Two Great tastes that Go Great Together.

Not. Making. This. Up.

In an opinion peppered with golf references and a quote from "Caddyshack" star Bill Murray, a federal magistrate has recommended the dismissal of a lawsuit brought by Rudolph Giuliani's son over his booting from Duke University's varsity golf team.

In a lawsuit filed last year, Andrew Giuliani, 23, claimed that the North Carolina school breached a contract when it dropped him from the golf team in early-2008. The school (and coach Orrin Daniel Vincent III) countered by saying that Giuliani was bounced for a variety of boorish acts, including assaulting a teammate, defying coaches, and violating "both the rules and the spirit of the game of golf."

In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon's May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument "brings to mind Carl Spackler's analysis" from "Caddyshack": "He's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think." Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he's got that going for him

This is great on so many levels. Andrew is a total DB and has been for years. But a Carl Spackler reference in a federal court opinion?

This judge would definitely be the next Supreme Court nominee if there were any justice in this world.

For the uninitiated, a portion of the the actual movie script:

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

In Which Besty Reminds Me I am a Pig

Seriously.

Olivia Wilde is not only one of television's hottest break-out stars, but she is also the woman Megan Fox has described as “so sexy, she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox.”

While it has to be quite an honor, Wilde, 25, says she is a little skeptical of the recent girl-crush fad, but is passionate about animal rights and willing to do what it takes to keep them safe.

In the June 2009 issue of GQ magazine, on newsstands May 26, she jokes, “of course, anything I can do to save the mountain ox, I’m happy to do,” in response to the suggestion she make out with Fox to save the poor little ox.

I'd insert pictures, but Besty, evil genius that she is, has put some sort of voodoo on her computer that precludes this. But the guys who read this would understand.

Really?

The Pope has his own You Tube channel.

There should be a commandment that precludes this.

Just saying.

You Want Irony? I'll Give You Irony!

Facts: Dude gets drunk in Chicago. Tries to throw brick through window of the Apple Store. Brick cracks window but bounces away with window intact.

Analysis: Amazing.

Rationale: First time in history that Windows didn't crash and Apple happens to be involved.

There is a God and He has a wicked sense of humor.

Obviously Obama Voters Involved

You just have to read this one.

Where to begin?

A game of tag with a flame and lighter fluid has sent an unidentified man to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle to be treated for serious injuries, said the Clallam County Fire District No. 2 chief.

Volunteer paramedics and emergency medical technicians were called to an area 2 miles east of Port Angeles at about 8 p.m. Monday, said Fire Chief Jon Bugher.

Bugher said several people had been playing a game called "lighter tag," which involves squirting themselves with lighter fluid and then lighting the clothing of the person who is "it."

The tagged person beats the flames out before "tagging" another person.

Bugher refused to name the person who was burned, give his age, or say exactly where he was when he was burned, citing the patient privacy law of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, or HIPAA.

Without a name, hospital personnel cannot report the condition of a patient.

Bugher said he was told by people at the residence that lighter tag is a new fad, but this is the first incident he has heard of in Clallam County.

"To be honest with you, in my mind, I was just stunned," he said.

"It sure scared us."

He added, "If people are doing this, if they are teenagers or young adults, they are really putting themselves at risk.

"If someone comes home and their clothing looks singed or burned, people need to be asking and be aware."

Although Clallam County sheriff's deputies weren't called to investigate, Sheriff Bill Benedict said he will look into the incident to see if criminal charges would be appropriate.

Benedict said this is also the first time he has heard of such a game.

Citing privacy laws, Bugher also declined to say how many people he believed were playing lighter tag.

If you are this bloody stupid you have waived the right to privacy, right?

Unbelievable...but true!

You always here about these "studies." I believe in science. I believe research is important. But we have funded some bloody ridiculous stuff.

Try this one on.

The federal government is spending $178,000 to better understand why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection, an endeavor taxpayer watchdogs are calling a huge waste of American taxpayers' money.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I made this up. But no, it's true. Everyone involved and everyone who approved it. I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE VILLAGE IDIOTS, should be fired immediately because I can handle this one from the comfort of my laptop.

Q: Why are drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at greater risk for HIV infection?

A: Because they are drug abusing prostitutes.

I'll bet even Joe Biden could have figured that one out.

The cost of my research? FREE. The difference between my research findings and what you will hear on NPR next year? NOTHING. Potential savings for the American taxpayer? $178,000.

Closing the budget deficit one idiot at a time.

Joe Biden, V.I.

Joe Freaking Biden.

WTF. I mean, WTF.

Seriously, this guy is such a buffoon that he'd need two or three promotions before he'd make village idiot. And he's just a heartbeat away from being the most powerful man in the world.

You gotta love this country.

But seriously, I have a solution.

American Idol.

I think everyone agrees that Kara is kind of not working out on AI. Not her fault. Paula is a tough act to follow. But how else could you compete with the raw, intoxicated and unintelligible power that is Paula Abdul?

Two words, my friend: Joe Biden.

Just think about it. There is no downside that I can see, and while it might not be more entertaining, it's certainly safer.

I'm Back, Baby

Wow. Haven't blogged in almost one month. Tragic really. But back to business.

Steven King, when asked what was the distinguishing characteristic that identified someone as a writer, responded simply, " Writers write." Now many people that's kind of a silly answer, but I think it is perfect. Indeed, it's the paradigm response to anyone who claims that there are no black and white answers in this world. Sure, we live in a nuanced world filled with gray. No sane person would quarrel with that. To go further, I believe it is not unreasonable to conclude that our world is primarily gray.

You know why that is?

Because black and white - like everything else in the freaking universe - are in a constant battle for supremacy. And just like on Lost neither can win in the long run. Sure, on a given issue here or there white or black will reign supreme, but in the end nature always prefers equilibrium.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THERE ARE NO BLACK AND WHITE ANSWERS. All it means is that "all things in moderation" is pretty damned good advice. But it's not the end of the story.

There are universal truths. They are finite in number and usually transcend religion, culture or nationality. But they do exist.

All we have to do is open our minds and find them.

I'll start with this: writers write.

I Was Told There Would Be No Math

These Obama guys just kill me. They are starting make Bush look like a skin flint.

When he received complaints about the $8 billion in pork laden earmarks in the latest Appropriations bill, White House spokesman Robert Gibbs described the amount at issue as small and insignificant.

Yesterday, when President Obama announced he would find a way to cut $100 million of wasteful spending, the same Robert Gibbs said:

"Only in Washington, D.C., is $100 million not a lot of money," Gibbs said. "It is where I'm from. It is where I grew up. And I think it is for hundreds of millions of Americans."

Even Paul Krugman, the most liberal voice in America, agrees that this is a joke.

Let’s say the administration finds $100 million in efficiencies every working day for the rest of the Obama administration’s first term. That’s still around $80 billion, or around 2% of one year’s federal spending.

Except, of course, Obama isn't talking about $100 million per day. He's talking about $100 million total. That's .00002857%. Sweet.

What a Bunch of Pansies

Somali Freaking Pirates

The US says it is working with other governments to tackle piracy by Somali pirate vessels on high seas, describing it as a 'serious issue' that Washington cannot solve alone.

A few thoughts.

First, whatever the UN says, do the opposite. Just generally a good rule of thumb until that organization gets its head out of its ass, which I think highly unlikely.

Second, this isn't complicated. International law is (or was, until pansies started to have a say in things) very clear. I could care less if we go in guns a blazing or if we call in Steven Segal for a stealth attack or if we just wait them out. But when it ends, you shoot them on the spot and throw their bodies in the ocean as shark food.

There is no middle ground here. Piracy has been around for centuries and it has always been handled this way. It's what Thomas Jefferson did, and if it was good enough for him it ought to be good enough for us.

Once again, history is very clear on this. You give in to these bastards and they'll keep doing it until no one is safe on the high seas. Which is of course what the pansies will do.

Pansies cause more death in the name of peace than all the generals in history combined. You could look that up.

Ach Du Lieber!

A helicopter rescue team was sent out after screams were heard in a German forest only to find a man laughing loudly at a new book.

A woman called emergency services after she said she could hear someone being tortured because she heard someone "screaming" for three hours.

The rescue team found Roland Hofmann and ordered him to give up and release his hostage.

Hofmann was shocked and explained to police he had gone into the forest to read "in peace and quiet" and was reading a book that him laugh out loud.

It's not clear what book the man was reading.

Roland Hofmann, I want to party with you, sir.

Paging Mr. Obvious

The sign in front of the home said it all: "This is NOT the crackhouse."

Uh, if you need to put that sign on your house odds are pretty good you need to move anyway.

Canadians. They're crazy.

Signs of the Apocalypse, Part 5

Is Waffle House Historic?

It's an icon in metro Atlanta. Now Waffle House might become a historical landmark.

An application is before the DeKalb Historical Preservation Committee to make Waffle House #1, on East College Avenue, a historic property.

There's a public hearing on the matter at the Maloof Center next week.

That particular Waffle House no longer serves it up scattered, smotherer and cover. It's been turned into a museum.

Didn't Know They Kept Such Records

CHARLOTTE, N.C., April 9 /PRNewswire/ -- Fertility specialists of Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte (REACH) herald the successful birth of a baby girl March 4 who was conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF) at their laboratory with sperm frozen for 21 years, which they believe ties the world record for the longest-frozen sperm used to create a baby with IVF.

Not even a freezer burn?

Wisdom. It's Free.

Very seldom do crises occur without government being at or near the root of the problem.

From Now On Every Time I Make a Mistake

I am just going to say, "Jacob made me do it."

I think it just might work.

Yeah, I Am Going to Hell. Your Point?

See, this is so bad it is hilarious. It's Great Odin's Raven! hilarious.

Reason No. 1,237 Why Liberals are Disingenuous

The irony here is deeper than the Mariana Trench.

First, they want to paid for their opinions, which, oh, I don't know, kind of suggests that those same opinions are not freely held. Which is kind of, I don't know, corrupt and dishonest. I thought they hated the whole quid pro quo arrangement between politicians and lobbyists/special interests and all that?

Second, notice how those who espouse socialism are bloodthirsty capitalists all of a sudden. Now they are "small businessmen struggling to survive."

I'd say these folks are unprincipled but that would be an insult to unprincipled people. Why anyone would ever listen to them boggles my mind.

Why Not Hold the Somali Pirates Hostage?

This is freaking brilliant.

I Think He Is Serious

I am pretty sure, however, that he should be an organ donor.

Here is the backdrop:

On April 15th, hundreds of thousands of PO’d red meat eatin’ Americans will converge on the streets to protest the Obama administration’s policies and platforms.

No big deal, right? I mean, I seem to recall a few folks getting together and protesting the Iraq War and other policies of the Bush Administration. Kind of what the First Amendment contemplates - the whole "petition the government for redress of grievances" thing.

But noooooooo........

In reality, their ‘movement’ is incredibly divisive, a mindset that stands in sharp contrast to Obama’s calls for bipartisanship in this time of great national need. Their arguments have the potential to divide the country along titanic lines not seen since the bloody days of the Civil War. Think I’m exaggerating here? The Tea Party movement is an incredibly dangerous concept, fuelled by the usual gushes of sycophantic support from the conservative news media.

So, if I disagree with Obama then too bad, I have to just suck it?

Apparently, the answer is yes...but it's even worse!!!

If the country continues down this dark path, a second Civil War might not just be a cool idea for a sci-fi novel anymore. Can you imagine the potential for chaos if some of these ‘protesters’ decide to exercise the Second Amendment and bring their weapons to these rallies? There’s a thin line between peaceful protest and bloodthirsty patriotic fervor, especially if those protesting are used to being on the side of the mighty status quo.

Whoa! Dude, it's just a protest. Kind of a big leap from protesting policies which are admittedly socialist to civil war, don't you think?

And I hope the protesters fail in their mission to bring their message to a national audience. It’s a message of fear, prejudice and, quite frankly, hate.

Anti-tax = hate? Did. Not. Know. That.

But it gets better.

President Obama was elected democratically, according to the doctrines set forth by the Founding Fathers. The Tea Party movement represents a real danger to the tenets of democracy Americans have embraced for centuries.

Last I checked the Founding Fathers were kind of inspired by and following through on principles espoused at the original [Boston] Tea Party, and foremost among these was "no taxation without representation."

Are there really people this stupid out there, and are they all Obama supporters?

I'm Guessing He Didn't Like It

Man shoots himself during "Watchmen" movie.

I heard it wasn't very good.

That Darn Obama

Some one should tell him that Austrians speak, um, German.

I wonder if he knows Brazilian or American?

I thought Bush was the idiot. Okay, he kind of was.

But still.

Interesting Reading

You have to love any article with the term "Crap Assets" in the title.

So basically here's a couple of chaps who are saying that everything the government is trying to do to save us is based upon a faulty premise.

I'd be surprised except for the fact it's the only answer that makes sense.

Occam's Razor and all that.

Meanwhile, Andrew Explains What Cold Means

All tax season our young intern, Andrew, refuses to wear a coat no matter how cold it is. When questioned about this, he always replies "It's not cold out."

It's snowing today.

Coat for Andrew?

Nope.

I think his ancestors were the same ones who said that 115 degree heat in Arizona wasn't really hot, but rather "dry heat."

Kind of Funny

A lot of people have been trying to buy soup from the shredder truck.

Cold Out This Morning

I can't feel my fingers.

But at least the back of my hand isn't freakishly red.