Same colors as Davidson, too.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Ulak Tartysh
Is Davidson the story of the 2008 tournament? Sure - along with Potter and King. But it would have been really cool to have these guys in the Final Four. Basketball is fun, but a headless sheep tossing? That's real fun.
Same colors as Davidson, too.
Same colors as Davidson, too.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Where I Consider Swearing
What is the first line from the movie "Four Wedding and a Funeral"?
Now you're with me.
Now you're with me.
Where I Inquire About Her Bracket
So I asked a rhetorical question of Karen Cobb the other day.
"How's your bracket doing?"
She replied "Swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
"How's your bracket doing?"
She replied "Swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
Admit It
You cannot get Feliz Navidad out of your mind.
Your day is ruined.
You should go home.
Wait.
You shouldn't be reading this at work. You ARE at home.
Weird.
Your day is ruined.
You should go home.
Wait.
You shouldn't be reading this at work. You ARE at home.
Weird.
Great Moments in Office Conversations
So I am at lunch and I see Melissa Miller, Neisha Layman and Amy Holley at the same restaurant. So I wave at them. They walk over to my table.
Me: Hey. How are you guys?
Them: Fine. You?
Me: Great.
Them:
Me: By the way, Melissa. I walked by your office the other day and it looked like you were talking into your mouse like it was a CB radio.
Melissa: 10-4.
Me: Thanks for clearing that up. See you back at the office.
Them: Bye. Talk to you later.
So then they turn and walk away. I think they were humming Feliz Navidad.
Weird.
Me: Hey. How are you guys?
Them: Fine. You?
Me: Great.
Them:
Me: By the way, Melissa. I walked by your office the other day and it looked like you were talking into your mouse like it was a CB radio.
Melissa: 10-4.
Me: Thanks for clearing that up. See you back at the office.
Them: Bye. Talk to you later.
So then they turn and walk away. I think they were humming Feliz Navidad.
Weird.
Secret Facts, Part 1
Mark King was the understudy to Billy Mummy on Lassie
Anita Brown's maiden name is Black
Debbie Jones once considered hyphenating her first name
Todd Bealer knows a guy who knows a guy who went to college with the guy featured in the Coor's Light ads that feature that song with the refrain, "...and TWINS."
There is no truth to the rumor that John Bailes worked for the postal service during high school
If you look up the phrase "%^$t-eating grin" on the internet you will find Josh Wiley's picture.
Steven Schoolfield's best friend as a child was Allen Iverson
As a child, Heather Luttrell threw up on former President Carter
Phyllis Hodge is secretly a fan of Tony Stewart
Greg Gilbert once hit a cat with a lawn dart
Jim McCollum's nickname in high school was "Buzz"
Kathy Seagrist once drove over the speed limit
Anita Brown's maiden name is Black
Debbie Jones once considered hyphenating her first name
Todd Bealer knows a guy who knows a guy who went to college with the guy featured in the Coor's Light ads that feature that song with the refrain, "...and TWINS."
There is no truth to the rumor that John Bailes worked for the postal service during high school
If you look up the phrase "%^$t-eating grin" on the internet you will find Josh Wiley's picture.
Steven Schoolfield's best friend as a child was Allen Iverson
As a child, Heather Luttrell threw up on former President Carter
Phyllis Hodge is secretly a fan of Tony Stewart
Greg Gilbert once hit a cat with a lawn dart
Jim McCollum's nickname in high school was "Buzz"
Kathy Seagrist once drove over the speed limit
Interview with Current Leader Mark King
Me: Wow. I mean, wow! What got into you this year. Your Mom was a great player, sure. But frankly, you usually suck at this. What gives?
King: 'Roids. But don't tell anyone.
Me: So how do you feel about your performance?
King: Truthfully, I really lack the words to compliment myself.
Me: I think you speak for all of us on that. Except for Waters.
King: Really? What did he say?
Me:
King: Wow! He said that?
Me: Yep.
King:
Me: Exactly.
King: 'Roids. But don't tell anyone.
Me: So how do you feel about your performance?
King: Truthfully, I really lack the words to compliment myself.
Me: I think you speak for all of us on that. Except for Waters.
King: Really? What did he say?
Me:
King: Wow! He said that?
Me: Yep.
King:
Me: Exactly.
April Fool's Day Practice
So I call a broker trying to get some info as we are all wont to do these days. I get his assistant (of course), who is very, very, very nice, is always very helpful and is exceedingly polite and professional (and probably does three times as much work as the lazy bastard broker).
I tell her what I need...yada, yada, yada...and she asks, very sweetly, "And at what number can he reach you?"
I said - and I am not making this up - "32."
She wasn't prepared for that. She replied, " Excuse me?"
I said, "32. It's a great number, don't you think?"
Obviously blonde (sorry, but I'd bet money on it), she still doesn't get it and asks, again, innocently "Is that your extension?"
Obviously evil, I respond, "No. I just like it. But my phone number is....."
Don't worry.
I know I am going to hell.
I tell her what I need...yada, yada, yada...and she asks, very sweetly, "And at what number can he reach you?"
I said - and I am not making this up - "32."
She wasn't prepared for that. She replied, " Excuse me?"
I said, "32. It's a great number, don't you think?"
Obviously blonde (sorry, but I'd bet money on it), she still doesn't get it and asks, again, innocently "Is that your extension?"
Obviously evil, I respond, "No. I just like it. But my phone number is....."
Don't worry.
I know I am going to hell.
The orange-blooded John Bailes writes:
?*!?*%$ game last night….huh? I’ve never seen Lofton look so helpless and get so many shots blocked.
Whoa! First of all, it's spelled "#$%^&*+!!" not "?*!?*%$." Second of all, whoa! I wonder if Whitney will be hyphenated after she gets married. It seems to be going around, you know.
Does the phrase "Holy Cow""...
...mean something different in India? I mean, do you get in trouble for saying it, or do those who hear you say it just nod there heads in agreement?
(This is not a veiled reference to Whitney's new hair, which by the way looks very nice thank you very much.)
(This is not a veiled reference to Whitney's new hair, which by the way looks very nice thank you very much.)
No Country for Old Men
Good movie.
Personally, I liked National Treasure II better.
Best Supporting Actor? I think it should have gone to Adam Tinker for his role in There's First Place, Then There's Everybody Else.
Personally, I liked National Treasure II better.
Best Supporting Actor? I think it should have gone to Adam Tinker for his role in There's First Place, Then There's Everybody Else.
Keeye-ong, PotterContinue Battle For the Lead.
Mark "Master Beef" Keeye-ong and Jeff "Grade A Large Brown" Potter continue to dominate this year's pool. In fact, they've taken the fun out of it for the rest of us....like David Blaine!
Metaphor Alert
Not since the Hindenburg went up in flames at Lakehurst, New Jersey have so many brackets been destroyed by a single game. Like a 15 minute filet left in the oven for 2 hours at 500 degrees, the following brackets are done:
8 Jessica Cooper
13 Gina Swainson
36 Clay Irby
28 danny pressley
18 Karen Cobb
27 Phyllis Hodge
5 Mark Worthington
38 Cara Cardell
48 Sarah Singleton
10 Mark Smith
30 Jake Hutchison
42 Sara Wilch
Thanks for playing! We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Debbie, tell them what they've won.
Debbie Jones: We have a miniature Partner's Instructions for Schedule K-1 (Form 1065)!
See you next year.
8 Jessica Cooper
13 Gina Swainson
36 Clay Irby
28 danny pressley
18 Karen Cobb
27 Phyllis Hodge
5 Mark Worthington
38 Cara Cardell
48 Sarah Singleton
10 Mark Smith
30 Jake Hutchison
42 Sara Wilch
Thanks for playing! We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Debbie, tell them what they've won.
Debbie Jones: We have a miniature Partner's Instructions for Schedule K-1 (Form 1065)!
See you next year.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Not Everything Here is Silly
Here is a short article you really should take the time to read. It's entitled "Consequences," and its a reminder that we never know how the things we do in our lives might affect someone else. It's not too long; it won't take but a couple of minutes. I'll wait.
It's a true story about a young woman from Knoxville named Frankie Housley who died in 1951.
You know, we live in a world that is too often cold and cynical. Sometimes we come across things that remind us of the awe-inspiring magnificence and the redemptive power of the extraordinary things of which we are all capable from time to time.
It's a true story about a young woman from Knoxville named Frankie Housley who died in 1951.
You know, we live in a world that is too often cold and cynical. Sometimes we come across things that remind us of the awe-inspiring magnificence and the redemptive power of the extraordinary things of which we are all capable from time to time.
Wonder How They'll Get Around This?
Elton John is going to perform at a special benefit concert for Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, Wed., April 9, 2008, at Radio City Music Hall. Tickets are as high as $2,300.
Big deal, right? well, it kind of is. See, eventually we will find out that Hillary has been getting a lot of money with connections to China and Russia. But what’s wrong with Elton John’s participation?
Well, it turns out that old Elton John is a British citizen (even though he lives in Atlanta). As such, his professional services would be an ILLEGAL “in-kind contribution by a foreign national” unless he is paid his usual going rate for a for-profit concert. Which means they have to pay him. But if they pay him, the benefit is a lot less.
Discuss.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Something to Think About, Part IV
Some people complain that "the quality of candidates for almost any office - but especially the Presidency - is low and unsatisfactory. I have done so. But upon reflection, the quality of the candidates is low because the quality of people is low. It was ever thus but in the old days we didn't have as much information.
Some observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaim that "Bush has been a disaster for the Republican Party." I agree.
Some observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaim that "Howard Dean has been a disaster for the Democratic Party." I agree.
And we forget that many observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaimed not that long ago that "Bill Clinton was a disaster for the Democratic Party" (because the Dems lost control of the House and the Senate on his watch, Monicagate, Pardongate, etc.).
Hmmmmm.
If we take a small step back (and set aside Dean, who is a moron), it appears that a great many experts believe that the last two presidents - both of whom were elected twice - have been "disasters" for their respective parties.
From a historic perspective, Clinton is remembered as an OK, not terrible and often effective President. And Bush will be remembered better (perhaps better than he deserves), certainly far better than the present. I don't think he is like Truman, but in terms of popularity while in office the two are eerily similar.
So just what is happening here?
I submit that there is truth in what some surely retired politician once said: "The American people are no prize, either."
The problem in these "disasters," which seem to cause otherwise moderate voters to turn
on their own President and party, is largely one of perception, as seen by a population with an appallingly low sense of history and civics, a childish sense of entitlement to being shielded from any and all "bad things," by a government that has always been ineffectual in the short term and dangerous in the long term when it comes to solving problems, and a ridiculously inflated opinion of themselves, certainly when judging Presidents and politicians.
Not to mention the media and educational establishments that have been willing contributors to and conspirators in many way responsible for the above.
That said, none of the above issues alone, nor the problematic caliber of current candidates, are singly responsible for the, quote "disasters", of which so many "experts" like to speak.
It is as it usually is - a mixed bag, with far more gray than black and white.
But let us never forget that a large measure of the element of fault, dear Brutus, lies in ourselves.
Some observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaim that "Bush has been a disaster for the Republican Party." I agree.
Some observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaim that "Howard Dean has been a disaster for the Democratic Party." I agree.
And we forget that many observers - both Democrat and Republican - proclaimed not that long ago that "Bill Clinton was a disaster for the Democratic Party" (because the Dems lost control of the House and the Senate on his watch, Monicagate, Pardongate, etc.).
Hmmmmm.
If we take a small step back (and set aside Dean, who is a moron), it appears that a great many experts believe that the last two presidents - both of whom were elected twice - have been "disasters" for their respective parties.
From a historic perspective, Clinton is remembered as an OK, not terrible and often effective President. And Bush will be remembered better (perhaps better than he deserves), certainly far better than the present. I don't think he is like Truman, but in terms of popularity while in office the two are eerily similar.
So just what is happening here?
I submit that there is truth in what some surely retired politician once said: "The American people are no prize, either."
The problem in these "disasters," which seem to cause otherwise moderate voters to turn
on their own President and party, is largely one of perception, as seen by a population with an appallingly low sense of history and civics, a childish sense of entitlement to being shielded from any and all "bad things," by a government that has always been ineffectual in the short term and dangerous in the long term when it comes to solving problems, and a ridiculously inflated opinion of themselves, certainly when judging Presidents and politicians.
Not to mention the media and educational establishments that have been willing contributors to and conspirators in many way responsible for the above.
That said, none of the above issues alone, nor the problematic caliber of current candidates, are singly responsible for the, quote "disasters", of which so many "experts" like to speak.
It is as it usually is - a mixed bag, with far more gray than black and white.
But let us never forget that a large measure of the element of fault, dear Brutus, lies in ourselves.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Where the phone rings at 3 am
President Bush was woken by the phone ringing. "What time is it?" He glanced at the clock: 3 A.M. "Oh... come on..." He picked up the phone. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Sir, this is Secretary Gates. We have--"
"3 A.M., Robby. Can't this wait until morning?"
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"Sir, we are on the verge of--"
"I'm a busy man, you know. I have stuff to do in the morning."
"Sir, this is very important. India and Pakistan are on the verge of having a nuclear exchange."
Bush was quiet for a moment. "Wow. Really? ...You really thought that was something worth waking me up at some ungodly hour? How in the world does that affect us?"
"We are talking about--"
"And what do you expect me to do, anyway? I'm not Superman; I can't just fly over there and grab the missiles out of the air. Did you get the presidential phone mixed up with your Superman signal watch, Dick Grayson?"
"I think you mean Jimmy Olsen, sir."
"It's too early in the morning for me to keep secondary comic book characters straight!"
"Honey?" Laura asked, half asleep. "Is it something important?"
"No," Bush answered her and put the phone back to his ear. "Why are they even doing this now? Don't India and Pakistan know what time it is? Don't they have to sleep?"
"It's a different time there, sir."
"Huh?"
"It's not the same time there as it is here?"
"What? Now time travel is involved? It's way to early in the morning for me to be dealing with this crap."
"Sir, a nuclear exchange is an unprecedented incident. This is a world changing event, and we will need you to lead."
Bush sighed. "Fine." He started to get out of bed.
"Ha! I punked you!" Gates said.
"Oh, man..."
"Yeah, there's nothing happening. I just felt like pulling a prank on you."
Bush laughed. "You got me. That's like the third time this week, you rascal." Bush hung up the phone and laid back in bed.
"Dang. Next thing you know Hillary Clinton is going to call and claim she is pinned down by sniper fire."
Where We Name Names
Hollie Hissam.
Jill Johnson
Kimberly Kosier
Sharon Souder
Melissa Miller
Stacy SchuettlerCara Cardell
Jenna Jones
Andy Adkisson
Bo Boaz
Debbie DunnWhat do they have in common?
Their first names and their last names begin with the same letter. Which begs the question: what about their middle names? If we assign each of them a middle initial that is the same as their first and last names and total the letters in their adjusted names, then divide by the round of the tournament to be played next (i.e., the third, or 3), do you know what number you get?
You guessed it: 32.Curiously, the law of the excluded middle [name] states that the formula "P ∨ ¬P" ("P or not-P") can be deduced from the calculus under investigation. It is one of the defining properties of classical systems of logic. However, some systems of logic have different but analogous laws, while others reject the law of excluded middle entirely. (This is what led to the creation of firm flow.)
The law is also known as the law (or principle) of the excluded third, or,in Latin: principium tertii exclusi. Yet another Latin designation for this law is Tertium non datur: "there is no third (possibility)". This is why have three identical initials for a monogram is so rare. The numerology here is frightening, no?
The law of excluded middle is related to the principle of bivalence, which is of course a semantic principle instead of a law that can be deduced from the calculus.
For some finite n-valued logics, there is an analogous law called the law of excluded n+1th. This is useful for understanding billing. But if the negation is cyclic and '∨' is a "max operator", then the law can be expressed in the object language by (P ∨ ~P ∨ ~~P ∨ ... ∨ ~...~P), where '~...~' represents n-1 negation signs and '∨ ... ∨' n-1 disjunction signs. It is easy to check that the sentence must receive at least one of the n truth values (and not a value that is not one of the n).
So you see, this helps us to understand why no one is 32d place in the pool.The REAL truth behind Hillary's trip to Bosnia
A 2008 Newsletter ExclusiveSee that innocent little Bosnian girl in the picture with Hillary Clinton?
Well, she may look innocent, but I have it on good authority that she is packing heat. Probably an Uzi. And she is also a suicide bomber, loaded down with 20 lbs of Cemtex.
Plus, she's a ninja.
The reason all those men in suits are hanging around is that they’re the only ones left after the Army guys - pansies! - got scared and ran off.
Only Hillary is brave enough to confront this clear and present danger. Sniper fire? Yeah there was sniper fire. Some who were there may disagree, but they must define sniper fire differently. It's a tough phrase with multiple meanings, you know.
Like "is."
Monday, March 24, 2008
Something to Think About, Part III
"There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, 'You never know.'"
Something to Think About, Part II
Something to Think About
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost an important part of your life" - Brooke Shields
Medical Update
Injuries always play a big part in the tournament. (UCLA is not going to make the Final Four because of them, for example.)
But they also affect the pool.
Fortunately, we have some good news to report. Gina Kent is back at work today after severely injuring her neck last week while she looked up at the top of the leader board.
But they also affect the pool.
Fortunately, we have some good news to report. Gina Kent is back at work today after severely injuring her neck last week while she looked up at the top of the leader board.
Keeye-ong?
Several readers have asked "How do you get "Keeye-ong?"
Just call his voicemail.
You'll expect "This is Mark King." Two syllables. But you'll get: "This is Mark [pause] Keeye-ong." Four syllables (at least).
Formerly hyphenated reader Jessica Stanford writes:
"You're not Greg Gilbert, are you?"
Just call his voicemail.
You'll expect "This is Mark King." Two syllables. But you'll get: "This is Mark [pause] Keeye-ong." Four syllables (at least).
Formerly hyphenated reader Jessica Stanford writes:
"You're not Greg Gilbert, are you?"
They're not booing....
....they're yelling Keeye-ong!
It's close, though. Well, not really close as of today, but it could be a week from today.
Prediction: it's going to be about Wisconsin, baby.
King had Pitt in the Final Four, yet he still leads. Ben had Georgetown, and Dr. Potter has Tennessee. All these picks smell like trouble to me. Then again, that could just be Josh Wiley's potato.
1 Mark King 332 37 472 48 UCLA (147)
2 Ben Alexander 331 39 488 51 North Carolina (150)
3 Jeff Potter 327 38 529 52 Texas (158)
4 Buddy Hamilton 318 37 498 51 North Carolina (152)
4 Steve Richards 318 37 469 50 Kansas (159)
6 Jessica Cooper 311 34 473 46 Tennessee (132)
7 Andrew Pitts 310 37 450 49 North Carolina (100)
8 Mark Worthington 308 37 512 52 Tennessee (160)
9 Whitney Danehy 307 37 476 50 North Carolina (143)
10 Melissa Miller 301 34 416 44 North Carolina (147)
11 Gina Swainson 300 34 473 47 Tennessee (141)
11 Phyllis Hodge (2) 300 36 485 50 UCLA (159)
13 Sam Pressley 296 35 430 46 Duke (159)
14 greg erickson 294 35 506 50 North Carolina (137)
15 Karen Cobb 292 36 450 48 Tennessee (152)
Kelso is dominating McCollum's bracket, yet he is nowhere to be found in this one. Discuss.
It's close, though. Well, not really close as of today, but it could be a week from today.
Prediction: it's going to be about Wisconsin, baby.
King had Pitt in the Final Four, yet he still leads. Ben had Georgetown, and Dr. Potter has Tennessee. All these picks smell like trouble to me. Then again, that could just be Josh Wiley's potato.
1 Mark King 332 37 472 48 UCLA (147)
2 Ben Alexander 331 39 488 51 North Carolina (150)
3 Jeff Potter 327 38 529 52 Texas (158)
4 Buddy Hamilton 318 37 498 51 North Carolina (152)
4 Steve Richards 318 37 469 50 Kansas (159)
6 Jessica Cooper 311 34 473 46 Tennessee (132)
7 Andrew Pitts 310 37 450 49 North Carolina (100)
8 Mark Worthington 308 37 512 52 Tennessee (160)
9 Whitney Danehy 307 37 476 50 North Carolina (143)
10 Melissa Miller 301 34 416 44 North Carolina (147)
11 Gina Swainson 300 34 473 47 Tennessee (141)
11 Phyllis Hodge (2) 300 36 485 50 UCLA (159)
13 Sam Pressley 296 35 430 46 Duke (159)
14 greg erickson 294 35 506 50 North Carolina (137)
15 Karen Cobb 292 36 450 48 Tennessee (152)
Kelso is dominating McCollum's bracket, yet he is nowhere to be found in this one. Discuss.
David Blaine...
...made the weekend posts disappear!
But seriously, if you haven't seen it and need a laugh, this spoof is for you. (Some language may not be appropriate for work. Not that you haven't heard it before.)
But seriously, if you haven't seen it and need a laugh, this spoof is for you. (Some language may not be appropriate for work. Not that you haven't heard it before.)
With that as a predicate
The following "chronically underperforming" individuals are now "priority one":
39 Amy Holley 246 30 380 41 North Carolina (100)
40 Jeff Mahon 244 30 395 40 North Carolina (151)
41 Jim McCollum 242 31 421 45 Kansas (144)
42 Jason Hamilton 241 30 376 41 North Carolina (171)
42 Sara Wilch 241 32 393 43 Texas (124)
44 Andrew Hartung 238 32 397 45 UCLA (125)
45 Todd Bealer 223 31 363 43 North Carolina (172)
46 Marianne Nichols 222 30 353 41 Memphis (153)
47 Sarah Singleton 221 29 355 39 Tennessee (166)
48 Gina Kent 218 26 364 37 UCLA (167)
49 Kelly Fitzpatrick 216 30 341 41 North Carolina (131)
50 Adam Tinker 183 24 308 34 North Carolina (140)
51 Kim Mahon 172 26 262 33 Pittsburgh (156)
Wow! They don't seem nearly as pathetic now.
39 Amy Holley 246 30 380 41 North Carolina (100)
40 Jeff Mahon 244 30 395 40 North Carolina (151)
41 Jim McCollum 242 31 421 45 Kansas (144)
42 Jason Hamilton 241 30 376 41 North Carolina (171)
42 Sara Wilch 241 32 393 43 Texas (124)
44 Andrew Hartung 238 32 397 45 UCLA (125)
45 Todd Bealer 223 31 363 43 North Carolina (172)
46 Marianne Nichols 222 30 353 41 Memphis (153)
47 Sarah Singleton 221 29 355 39 Tennessee (166)
48 Gina Kent 218 26 364 37 UCLA (167)
49 Kelly Fitzpatrick 216 30 341 41 North Carolina (131)
50 Adam Tinker 183 24 308 34 North Carolina (140)
51 Kim Mahon 172 26 262 33 Pittsburgh (156)
Wow! They don't seem nearly as pathetic now.
Why Our Children Isn't Learning
Because their educators waste time on crap like this:
To soothe the bruised egos of educators and children in lackluster schools, Massachusetts officials are now pushing for kinder, gentler euphemisms for failure.
Instead of calling these schools "underperforming," the Board of Education is considering labeling them as "Commonwealth priority," to avoid poisoning teacher and student morale.
Schools in the direst straits, now known as "chronically underperforming," would get the more urgent but still vague label of "priority one."
The board has spent parts of more than three meetings in recent months debating the linguistic merits and tone set by the terms after a handful of superintendents from across the state complained that the label underperforming unfairly casts blame on educators, hinders the recruitment of talented teachers, and erodes students' self-esteem.
[...]
At a December meeting on how to improve struggling schools in Holyoke, Lawrence, and Springfield, superintendents implored members not to stick them with a label of "chronically underperforming."
"For our teachers, it's a blow," said Wilfredo Laboy, Lawrence superintendent. "It demoralizes staff completely."
Joseph Burke, Springfield superintendent, said that while he is not crazy about any label, he would prefer "priority one," because "It sounds nicer."
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Becca Krumdieck Update
On Saturday Becca asked me, "How do you have time to write this crap?" (She was confused. Again.)
"Becca," I replied, " I don't write any of this. First of all, I have people who do this for me - the "crack staff." Second of all, this entire newsletter can be explained in two words: cut and paste."
"Becca," I replied, " I don't write any of this. First of all, I have people who do this for me - the "crack staff." Second of all, this entire newsletter can be explained in two words: cut and paste."
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Now that's what I am talking about!
I have an interesting new client.
It's an LLC owned by two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. So we're getting paid for one 1065 and eight 1040s.
It's an LLC owned by two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. So we're getting paid for one 1065 and eight 1040s.
Maybe she was the one who inhaled
Hillary using a Bosnian child as a shield from snipers in 1996.
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
--Hillary Clinton, speech at George Washington University, March 17, 2008.
Hillary Clinton has been regaling supporters on the campaign trail with hair-raising tales of a trip she made to Bosnia in March 1996. In her retelling, she was sent to places that her husband, President Clinton, could not go because they were "too dangerous." When her account was the comedian Sinbad, who was with her on the trip, she upped the ante and injected even more drama into the story.
The Washington Post reports that there are "numerous problems" with Clinton's version of events.
Clearly you don't want to cross Sinbad, whom we all remember from Star Search. According to Sinbad, who provided entertainment on the trip along with the singer Sheryl Crow, the "scariest" part was deciding where to eat. Sinbad pointed out the obvious flaw in the premise behind the Clinton version of events."What kind of president would say 'Hey man, I can't go 'cause I might get shot so I'm going to send my wife. Oh, and take a guitar player and a comedian with you."
When you really think about it, though, Sinbad may be wrong here. Count me among those who think Bill may well have said, "Let's see there's a chance Hillary may get shot? Monica, that would be a real shame, wouldn't it?"
From the newsletter archives
Who first seduc'd them to that fowl revolt?
Th' infernal Serpent; he it was, whose guile
Stird up with Envy and Revenge, deceiv'd
The Mother of Mankinde, what time his Pride
Had cast him out from Heav'n, with all his Host
Of Rebel Angels, by whose aid aspiring
To set himself in Glory above his Peers.
Funny thing is, Milton was blind.
As are so many of this year's contestants.
I'll take things that come in last for $500, Alex.
Adam Tinker writes:
Does not Adam remind us, in some small way, of Cawdor's death scene in MacBeth:
"Nothing in this pool became him like the leaving of it."
It may be worse by now; or the cosmos might have aligned and I’m back within the century mark of first place uber-picker (brackets, not nose), Mr. Alexander.
Since I cannot yet concede total defeat, and here we must turn our attention to the fact that most if not all of my sweet 16 teams remain (which is actually not an uncommon feat, and therefore quite a flimsy argument), I will endeavor to explain myself amid the allegations and near indictment that you thrust upon me in your improperly proclaimed “infamous” web log.
It’s quite simple actually. Much like my first day of work, I’m sandbagging. Ingenious.
Oops…116 points from first.
Does not Adam remind us, in some small way, of Cawdor's death scene in MacBeth:
"Nothing in this pool became him like the leaving of it."
Friday, March 21, 2008
Ole'
Toreros top Huskies in OT, 70-69.
And we all know what "San Diego" means in the original Spanish.
And we all know what "San Diego" means in the original Spanish.
Interview with Josh Wiley, Part II
Josh Wiley (photo courtesy of Todd Bealer)
Me: You've really gained a lot of notoreity in the last few hours, haven't you?
Josh:
Me: Kimberly "Kimmy" Kosier has started calling you "Stinky." Any thoughts?
Josh:
Me: Kristen "I'll Use that hyphen if you aren't going to, Jessica" Bowman-Hicks was especially offended. And she indicates this isn't the first time you've been a bit malodorous.
Josh:
Me: If it will make you feel any better, the Chico, California City Council recently enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
Josh: What about potatoes?
An Interview with Josh Wiley
Me: So, I hear you are learning how to cook. How's it going?
Josh: Not too well.
Me: Really? What seems to be the problem?
Josh: Apparently there's this timer thing that you are supposed to use when you cook in the microwave.
Me: Uh, yeah.
Josh. WELL NO ONE TOLD ME!
Me:
Josh: Funny thing, though. Potatoes can explode! Kind of cool. But Sandy is none too pleased.
Me:
Josh: And sweet potatoes really aren't sweet, but they are orange. And you know those things they call "new potatoes"? They aren't new, but they're red. Who ever is in charge of potatoes isn't too bright.
Me:
Me: You still wear swimmers, don't you?
Mark "Master Beef" Keeye-ong Surges toward the Front
Adam "I am only 102 points out of first" Tinker continues to hold a commanding lead in the losers bracket.
1 Ben Alexander 194 19 585 61 North Carolina (150)
2 Mark King 186 18 611 61 UCLA (147)
3 Jeff Potter 180 18 596 60 Texas (158)
3 Phyllis Hodge (2) 180 18 585 61 UCLA (159)
3 Steve Richards 180 18 565 61 Kansas (159)
6 Karen Cobb 172 18 572 61 Tennessee (152)
6 Sam Pressley 172 17 624 60 Duke (159)
8 Andrew Pitts 164 17 538 59 North Carolina (100)
9 Anita Brown 162 17 564 60 North Carolina (166)
9 Buddy Hamilton 162 17 598 59 North Carolina (152)
9 Mark Worthington 162 17 574 60 Tennessee (160)
12 Greg Marret 160 16 638 58 UCLA (155)
12 Scott Looney 160 15 557 58 Kansas (162)
14 Whitney Danehy 158 17 546 58 North Carolina (143)
15 Jessica Cooper 156 15 582 57 Tennessee (132)
16 Jason Hamilton 154 15 556 56 North Carolina (171)
17 Mark Smith 152 17 577 59 Tennessee (171)
18 danny pressley 146 16 562 59 Tennessee (151)
18 Mark Beeler 146 15 587 57 North Carolina (154)
18 Sandy Richards 146 16 551 58 Kansas (175)
21 Gina Swainson 144 15 560 57 Tennessee (141)
22 Joe Krumdieck 142 15 563 58 Kansas (145)
22 Joshua Wiley 142 15 559 58 Texas (168)
24 Cara Cardell 140 16 542 58 Tennessee (166)
24 Clay Irby 140 14 643 57 Tennessee (142)
24 greg erickson 140 15 586 57 North Carolina (137)
27 Melissa Miller 138 14 554 57 North Carolina (147)
27 Phyllis Hodge (1) 138 15 546 58 Tennessee (159)
27 Robert Freeman 138 16 583 59 Duke (122)
30 Christie Knapper 136 16 550 59 North Carolina (164)
31 Allison Pressley 134 16 533 59 Kansas (162)
31 Beverly Mack 134 16 513 59 North Carolina (150)
31 Bill Kelso 134 15 528 55 North Carolina (142)
31 Connie Leggett 134 16 519 59 UCLA (135)
31 Jim McCollum 134 14 543 57 Kansas (144)
36 Jake Hutchison 132 14 565 56 Tennessee (183)
37 Amy Holley 130 14 546 56 North Carolina (100)
37 Andrew Hartung 130 15 512 56 UCLA (125)
39 Kelly Fitzpatrick 126 15 514 56 North Carolina (131)
40 Jeff Mahon 124 14 661 55 North Carolina (151)
41 Jessica Stanford 120 14 526 57 North Carolina (124)
42 Sara Wilch 118 14 523 54 Texas (124)
43 Debbie Christison 116 14 512 56 North Carolina (142)
43 Gina Kent 116 12 610 52 UCLA (167)
45 John Bailes 114 13 548 54 Texas (143)
46 Sarah Singleton 108 12 528 55 Tennessee (166)
47 Kristen Hicks 100 13 578 55 Kansas (127)
47 Marianne Nichols 100 12 503 55 Memphis (153)
47 Todd Bealer 100 13 477 55 North Carolina (172)
50 Kim Mahon 96 12 590 52 Pittsburgh (156)
51 Adam Tinker 92 10 532 51 North Carolina (140)
1 Ben Alexander 194 19 585 61 North Carolina (150)
2 Mark King 186 18 611 61 UCLA (147)
3 Jeff Potter 180 18 596 60 Texas (158)
3 Phyllis Hodge (2) 180 18 585 61 UCLA (159)
3 Steve Richards 180 18 565 61 Kansas (159)
6 Karen Cobb 172 18 572 61 Tennessee (152)
6 Sam Pressley 172 17 624 60 Duke (159)
8 Andrew Pitts 164 17 538 59 North Carolina (100)
9 Anita Brown 162 17 564 60 North Carolina (166)
9 Buddy Hamilton 162 17 598 59 North Carolina (152)
9 Mark Worthington 162 17 574 60 Tennessee (160)
12 Greg Marret 160 16 638 58 UCLA (155)
12 Scott Looney 160 15 557 58 Kansas (162)
14 Whitney Danehy 158 17 546 58 North Carolina (143)
15 Jessica Cooper 156 15 582 57 Tennessee (132)
16 Jason Hamilton 154 15 556 56 North Carolina (171)
17 Mark Smith 152 17 577 59 Tennessee (171)
18 danny pressley 146 16 562 59 Tennessee (151)
18 Mark Beeler 146 15 587 57 North Carolina (154)
18 Sandy Richards 146 16 551 58 Kansas (175)
21 Gina Swainson 144 15 560 57 Tennessee (141)
22 Joe Krumdieck 142 15 563 58 Kansas (145)
22 Joshua Wiley 142 15 559 58 Texas (168)
24 Cara Cardell 140 16 542 58 Tennessee (166)
24 Clay Irby 140 14 643 57 Tennessee (142)
24 greg erickson 140 15 586 57 North Carolina (137)
27 Melissa Miller 138 14 554 57 North Carolina (147)
27 Phyllis Hodge (1) 138 15 546 58 Tennessee (159)
27 Robert Freeman 138 16 583 59 Duke (122)
30 Christie Knapper 136 16 550 59 North Carolina (164)
31 Allison Pressley 134 16 533 59 Kansas (162)
31 Beverly Mack 134 16 513 59 North Carolina (150)
31 Bill Kelso 134 15 528 55 North Carolina (142)
31 Connie Leggett 134 16 519 59 UCLA (135)
31 Jim McCollum 134 14 543 57 Kansas (144)
36 Jake Hutchison 132 14 565 56 Tennessee (183)
37 Amy Holley 130 14 546 56 North Carolina (100)
37 Andrew Hartung 130 15 512 56 UCLA (125)
39 Kelly Fitzpatrick 126 15 514 56 North Carolina (131)
40 Jeff Mahon 124 14 661 55 North Carolina (151)
41 Jessica Stanford 120 14 526 57 North Carolina (124)
42 Sara Wilch 118 14 523 54 Texas (124)
43 Debbie Christison 116 14 512 56 North Carolina (142)
43 Gina Kent 116 12 610 52 UCLA (167)
45 John Bailes 114 13 548 54 Texas (143)
46 Sarah Singleton 108 12 528 55 Tennessee (166)
47 Kristen Hicks 100 13 578 55 Kansas (127)
47 Marianne Nichols 100 12 503 55 Memphis (153)
47 Todd Bealer 100 13 477 55 North Carolina (172)
50 Kim Mahon 96 12 590 52 Pittsburgh (156)
51 Adam Tinker 92 10 532 51 North Carolina (140)
Alexander No Longer Perfect
Down goes Alexander!
Down goes Alexander!
Down goes Alexander!
The mighty Western Kentucky Hilltoppers - the dreaded #12 seed - have knocked the previously blemish-free bracket of Ben Alexander from its perch atop league standings. Alexander, who had even gotten Davidson over Gonzaga, was nonplussed by his first loss.
"You know, I try to be philosophic about these things. As Nietchze once observed, 'sometimes when you stare into the bracket the bracket stares back.' Or was that Debbie? Anyway, it's not like I am going to get a review note or anything."
Down goes Alexander!
Down goes Alexander!
The mighty Western Kentucky Hilltoppers - the dreaded #12 seed - have knocked the previously blemish-free bracket of Ben Alexander from its perch atop league standings. Alexander, who had even gotten Davidson over Gonzaga, was nonplussed by his first loss.
"You know, I try to be philosophic about these things. As Nietchze once observed, 'sometimes when you stare into the bracket the bracket stares back.' Or was that Debbie? Anyway, it's not like I am going to get a review note or anything."
A Stroke of Genius
As many Democrats now publicly worry about the potentially destructive Obama-Clinton battle, I would, as a public service to the entire country, like to propose a solution: Thunderdome.
Think of the add revenue they could generate!
Think of the ratings!
And the big winner: the American People!
Some ask why I do these things.
I'd think the answer is obvious.
I do it for THE CHILDREN!
“Two candidates enter, one candidate leaves.”
Think of the add revenue they could generate!
Think of the ratings!
And the big winner: the American People!
Some ask why I do these things.
I'd think the answer is obvious.
I do it for THE CHILDREN!
Conspiracy, Part II
Now no one is in 32d place.
Weird.
Clay "Three Teams from the Big 10 in the Elite Eight" Irby has the bracket capable of producing the most points.
And finally, Josh "No, the other Josh" Rudd offers the Top 10 reasons why employees should be allowed to watch the tournament:
10. Trust me, they're not really working anyway. I'm not kidding. I used to be in an office environment, and boss, you would be amazed at how many different ways your employees find to not work. I used to actually do things that were less pleasant than work, just to honor the principle. I'm not even sure what that principle was, but I felt strongly about it. I worked very hard to not have to do any real work.
9. In the long run, you'll actually get more productivity. If you block access to the online feed, your employees are going to hate you. You think Robert over in audit is going to bust his ass for you after you've just denied him one of the few things that brings him joy in this life? He's not. And that hate's going to last a long time, and the longer it lasts, the less productivity you get from Robert. Make Robert happy, and then Robert will make you happy.
8. It's either that, or they'll be refreshing this scoreboard every 10 seconds. One way or another, they're going to follow the game. You can make it easy on them, or you can contribute to their early development of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitive clicking. It's up to you.
7. Ask yourself two questions: What would Michael Scott do, and what would Bill Lumbergh do? And then decide which of those two you'd rather be. Michael used to gather his employees to watch Varsity Blues on Monday. Lumbergh made Peter come in on a Saturday. And even with the harsh realities facing the paper industry, I still bet that Dunder Mifflin is doing better than Initech. Unfortunately, I don't have the numbers to back that up.
6. It will foster a sense of camaraderie among your employees, which will facilitate a paradigm shift throughout the office to a more broad-based, results-driven, consumer-focused atmosphere that builds company synergy and gives your employees the freedom to embrace emerging technologies and think outside the box. That means absolutely nothing to me, but you people seem to like that kind of talk, so I hope you found some meaning in there and it somehow swayed you.
5. You've wasted time on less productive things. Basically, I'm talking about every meeting you've ever had. So much of what you make your employees do is utterly pointless. Why not, for one afternoon, be honest with yourself and your employees about wasting time? You might find it refreshing.
4. There's a huge chain e-mail going around right now that encourages all employees who are denied access to March Madness to make Monday, "National Office Supply Theft Day."* Is it worth it? Giving your employees a couple hours to enjoy themselves vs. losing 75% of your binder clips and a couple of laser printers on Monday? Do a cost-analysis on that one, boss.
3. You are threatening the existence of the species. What am I talking about? I'm talking about swarms of men who would rather lose their reproductive ability than not be able to watch the opening Thursday and Friday of the tournament. A generation of men, without the ability to procreate. Thanks a lot, boss! This is the very survival of the species that we're talking about. You want that on your conscience? You want to risk that? Go rent Children of Men sometime, buddy, and tell me how pleasant that world looks. It will be all your fault, and I don't think Clive Owen's got it in him to bail us out of that mess again.
2. There's probably someone in your office who is on the brink of a killing spree anyway. Don't risk it.
1. You're really not very nice if you don't. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but that's the way it is. Do you really want to be the hard-ass boss that everyone hates? You don't want to live like that. It's not a huge sacrifice we're talking about here. Two afternoons where a few employees use up some bandwidth so they're not miserable people who hate waking up every morning. That's it. Do the right thing.
* = To my knowledge, there isn't. But I swear, I'll start one.
Weird.
Clay "Three Teams from the Big 10 in the Elite Eight" Irby has the bracket capable of producing the most points.
And finally, Josh "No, the other Josh" Rudd offers the Top 10 reasons why employees should be allowed to watch the tournament:
10. Trust me, they're not really working anyway. I'm not kidding. I used to be in an office environment, and boss, you would be amazed at how many different ways your employees find to not work. I used to actually do things that were less pleasant than work, just to honor the principle. I'm not even sure what that principle was, but I felt strongly about it. I worked very hard to not have to do any real work.
9. In the long run, you'll actually get more productivity. If you block access to the online feed, your employees are going to hate you. You think Robert over in audit is going to bust his ass for you after you've just denied him one of the few things that brings him joy in this life? He's not. And that hate's going to last a long time, and the longer it lasts, the less productivity you get from Robert. Make Robert happy, and then Robert will make you happy.
8. It's either that, or they'll be refreshing this scoreboard every 10 seconds. One way or another, they're going to follow the game. You can make it easy on them, or you can contribute to their early development of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitive clicking. It's up to you.
7. Ask yourself two questions: What would Michael Scott do, and what would Bill Lumbergh do? And then decide which of those two you'd rather be. Michael used to gather his employees to watch Varsity Blues on Monday. Lumbergh made Peter come in on a Saturday. And even with the harsh realities facing the paper industry, I still bet that Dunder Mifflin is doing better than Initech. Unfortunately, I don't have the numbers to back that up.
6. It will foster a sense of camaraderie among your employees, which will facilitate a paradigm shift throughout the office to a more broad-based, results-driven, consumer-focused atmosphere that builds company synergy and gives your employees the freedom to embrace emerging technologies and think outside the box. That means absolutely nothing to me, but you people seem to like that kind of talk, so I hope you found some meaning in there and it somehow swayed you.
5. You've wasted time on less productive things. Basically, I'm talking about every meeting you've ever had. So much of what you make your employees do is utterly pointless. Why not, for one afternoon, be honest with yourself and your employees about wasting time? You might find it refreshing.
4. There's a huge chain e-mail going around right now that encourages all employees who are denied access to March Madness to make Monday, "National Office Supply Theft Day."* Is it worth it? Giving your employees a couple hours to enjoy themselves vs. losing 75% of your binder clips and a couple of laser printers on Monday? Do a cost-analysis on that one, boss.
3. You are threatening the existence of the species. What am I talking about? I'm talking about swarms of men who would rather lose their reproductive ability than not be able to watch the opening Thursday and Friday of the tournament. A generation of men, without the ability to procreate. Thanks a lot, boss! This is the very survival of the species that we're talking about. You want that on your conscience? You want to risk that? Go rent Children of Men sometime, buddy, and tell me how pleasant that world looks. It will be all your fault, and I don't think Clive Owen's got it in him to bail us out of that mess again.
2. There's probably someone in your office who is on the brink of a killing spree anyway. Don't risk it.
1. You're really not very nice if you don't. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but that's the way it is. Do you really want to be the hard-ass boss that everyone hates? You don't want to live like that. It's not a huge sacrifice we're talking about here. Two afternoons where a few employees use up some bandwidth so they're not miserable people who hate waking up every morning. That's it. Do the right thing.
* = To my knowledge, there isn't. But I swear, I'll start one.
Revised Standings
Congratulations to the three $#^*&$#@ players who remain perfect - Ben Alexander, Jeff Potter and Steve Richards.
1 Ben Alexander 138 16 586 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Jeff Potter 138 16 617 63 Texas (158)
1 Steve Richards 138 16 577 63 Kansas (159)
4 Andrew Pitts 128 15 553 62 North Carolina (100)
5 Anita Brown 126 15 570 62 North Carolina (166)
6 Phyllis Hodge (2) 124 15 577 62 UCLA (159)
6 Sam Pressley 124 14 644 61 Duke (159)
8 Whitney Danehy 122 15 591 62 North Carolina (143)
9 Allison Pressley 116 14 557 61 Kansas (162)
9 Beverly Mack 116 14 537 61 North Carolina (150)
9 Buddy Hamilton 116 15 625 62 North Carolina (152)
9 Connie Leggett 116 14 543 61 UCLA (135)
9 Karen Cobb 116 15 564 62 Tennessee (152)
9 Mark Smith 116 15 592 62 Tennessee (171)
9 Mark Worthington 116 15 590 62 Tennessee (160)
16 Scott Looney 112 12 577 59 Kansas (162)
17 danny pressley 110 14 568 61 Tennessee (151)
18 Jake Hutchison 108 12 604 59 Tennessee (183)
19 Andrew Hartung 106 13 551 59 UCLA (125)
19 Mark King 106 14 593 61 UCLA (147)
21 Cara Cardell 104 14 548 60 Tennessee (166)
21 Mark Beeler 104 13 608 60 North Carolina (154)
21 Sandy Richards 104 14 572 61 Kansas (175)
24 Robert Freeman 102 14 589 61 Duke (122)
25 Christie Knapper 100 14 556 61 North Carolina (164)
25 Greg Marret 100 13 634 59 UCLA (155)
25 Joshua Wiley 100 13 571 60 Texas (168)
28 Debbie Christison 98 12 536 58 North Carolina (142)
29 Todd Bealer 96 12 521 58 North Carolina (172)
30 greg erickson 94 13 602 59 North Carolina (137)
31 Clay Irby 92 11 663 58 Tennessee (142)
31 John Bailes 92 12 583 58 Texas (143)
33 Jessica Cooper 90 12 584 58 Tennessee (132)
33 Phyllis Hodge (1) 90 12 566 59 Tennessee (159)
35 Jason Hamilton 88 12 558 57 North Carolina (171)
35 Kelly Fitzpatrick 88 12 533 58 North Carolina (131)
37 Joe Krumdieck 86 12 555 59 Kansas (145)
38 Amy Holley 84 12 562 58 North Carolina (100)
38 Gina Swainson 84 12 556 58 Tennessee (141)
40 Kristen Hicks 82 11 613 58 Kansas (127)
40 Sara Wilch 82 12 538 57 Texas (124)
42 Bill Kelso 78 12 520 56 North Carolina (142)
42 Jessica Stanford 78 12 538 59 North Carolina (124)
42 Melissa Miller 78 11 550 58 North Carolina (147)
45 Gina Kent 74 9 635 54 UCLA (167)
46 Jeff Mahon 68 11 653 56 North Carolina (151)
46 Jim McCollum 68 11 545 58 Kansas (144)
46 Kim Mahon 68 10 635 55 Pittsburgh (156)
49 Adam Tinker 64 8 566 53 North Carolina (140)
49 Marianne Nichols 64 10 509 57 Memphis (153)
51 Sarah Singleton 60 9 548 56 Tennessee (166)
1 Ben Alexander 138 16 586 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Jeff Potter 138 16 617 63 Texas (158)
1 Steve Richards 138 16 577 63 Kansas (159)
4 Andrew Pitts 128 15 553 62 North Carolina (100)
5 Anita Brown 126 15 570 62 North Carolina (166)
6 Phyllis Hodge (2) 124 15 577 62 UCLA (159)
6 Sam Pressley 124 14 644 61 Duke (159)
8 Whitney Danehy 122 15 591 62 North Carolina (143)
9 Allison Pressley 116 14 557 61 Kansas (162)
9 Beverly Mack 116 14 537 61 North Carolina (150)
9 Buddy Hamilton 116 15 625 62 North Carolina (152)
9 Connie Leggett 116 14 543 61 UCLA (135)
9 Karen Cobb 116 15 564 62 Tennessee (152)
9 Mark Smith 116 15 592 62 Tennessee (171)
9 Mark Worthington 116 15 590 62 Tennessee (160)
16 Scott Looney 112 12 577 59 Kansas (162)
17 danny pressley 110 14 568 61 Tennessee (151)
18 Jake Hutchison 108 12 604 59 Tennessee (183)
19 Andrew Hartung 106 13 551 59 UCLA (125)
19 Mark King 106 14 593 61 UCLA (147)
21 Cara Cardell 104 14 548 60 Tennessee (166)
21 Mark Beeler 104 13 608 60 North Carolina (154)
21 Sandy Richards 104 14 572 61 Kansas (175)
24 Robert Freeman 102 14 589 61 Duke (122)
25 Christie Knapper 100 14 556 61 North Carolina (164)
25 Greg Marret 100 13 634 59 UCLA (155)
25 Joshua Wiley 100 13 571 60 Texas (168)
28 Debbie Christison 98 12 536 58 North Carolina (142)
29 Todd Bealer 96 12 521 58 North Carolina (172)
30 greg erickson 94 13 602 59 North Carolina (137)
31 Clay Irby 92 11 663 58 Tennessee (142)
31 John Bailes 92 12 583 58 Texas (143)
33 Jessica Cooper 90 12 584 58 Tennessee (132)
33 Phyllis Hodge (1) 90 12 566 59 Tennessee (159)
35 Jason Hamilton 88 12 558 57 North Carolina (171)
35 Kelly Fitzpatrick 88 12 533 58 North Carolina (131)
37 Joe Krumdieck 86 12 555 59 Kansas (145)
38 Amy Holley 84 12 562 58 North Carolina (100)
38 Gina Swainson 84 12 556 58 Tennessee (141)
40 Kristen Hicks 82 11 613 58 Kansas (127)
40 Sara Wilch 82 12 538 57 Texas (124)
42 Bill Kelso 78 12 520 56 North Carolina (142)
42 Jessica Stanford 78 12 538 59 North Carolina (124)
42 Melissa Miller 78 11 550 58 North Carolina (147)
45 Gina Kent 74 9 635 54 UCLA (167)
46 Jeff Mahon 68 11 653 56 North Carolina (151)
46 Jim McCollum 68 11 545 58 Kansas (144)
46 Kim Mahon 68 10 635 55 Pittsburgh (156)
49 Adam Tinker 64 8 566 53 North Carolina (140)
49 Marianne Nichols 64 10 509 57 Memphis (153)
51 Sarah Singleton 60 9 548 56 Tennessee (166)
Richards Update
Sandy Richards writes:
WTF? Well, I guess I got confused and attempted to enter Jim McCulloms [sic] bracket but instead entered on your last year''s bracket. He is going to attempt to move those picks to his bracket. If he can't and if we can't combine the 2 brackets (they are different picks) - so I would have a 1 and 2. Anyway, guess that is our old one from last year - thus the confusion. FYI.
Now I'm confused.
Stacy Schuettler writes (from Florida, where she has chosen not to participate):
Please start attending your "meetings." Twelve steps sounds like a lot, but I am sure you can do it.
Mark "Yak Jerky" Smith writes:
*&^%$#@! Duke.
WTF? Well, I guess I got confused and attempted to enter Jim McCulloms [sic] bracket but instead entered on your last year''s bracket. He is going to attempt to move those picks to his bracket. If he can't and if we can't combine the 2 brackets (they are different picks) - so I would have a 1 and 2. Anyway, guess that is our old one from last year - thus the confusion. FYI.
Now I'm confused.
Stacy Schuettler writes (from Florida, where she has chosen not to participate):
Please start attending your "meetings." Twelve steps sounds like a lot, but I am sure you can do it.
Mark "Yak Jerky" Smith writes:
*&^%$#@! Duke.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Steve "the V stands for dangerous - I mean VERY dangerous - Richards!
Wow!
I mean, wow!
I'm not bitter that you bowled a 77 as our "A" player a few years ago, but...
...yes I am!
You're in first now.
But you'll crash and burn.
Been there.
Done that.
Wrote the bill.
I mean, wow!
I'm not bitter that you bowled a 77 as our "A" player a few years ago, but...
...yes I am!
You're in first now.
But you'll crash and burn.
Been there.
Done that.
Wrote the bill.
Full Court Pressley
Two of three family members tied for first!
Guess who lags behind?
Then again, Sam Pressley has Duke "We were lucky to beat freaking Belmont" winning it all.
Guess who lags behind?
Then again, Sam Pressley has Duke "We were lucky to beat freaking Belmont" winning it all.
Random thought
Imagine what the bracket for our phone service provider looks like.
Coppin State Rattlers.
National Champions.
Coppin State Rattlers.
National Champions.
Bonus mention
Todd Bealer.
Rocks the muffin.
His abuse of Gator fan Steve "My Name would be cool if not for that damn 'h'" Schoolfield is, frankly awesome.
Gator abuse rocks.
And yet I loved Eddie Munster as a kid
Rocks the muffin.
His abuse of Gator fan Steve "My Name would be cool if not for that damn 'h'" Schoolfield is, frankly awesome.
Gator abuse rocks.
And yet I loved Eddie Munster as a kid
P. Hodge
Or should we say "Two Entry" Hodge.
One of you is tied for first. One of you is tied for 24th.
You're in 12th.
One of you is tied for first. One of you is tied for 24th.
You're in 12th.
Master Beef Producer
- Random search of the LBMC website:
Title: Mark King (pronounced Keye-ong)
Partner Email: mark.king.master.beef. producer@lbmc.or.kroger.com
Phone Number: 865-862-BEEF.
Member Profile :Dude. Master Beef Producer. Has never won the basketball pool.
admin - 01/11/2008 - 17:28 -
comments - Buddy is kicking his butt!
Andrew "the P stands for PWNAGE" Pitts!
Who knew?
Meanwhile, having struck rock bottom and continued to dig, we find Adam "Hoover" Tinker, with a score so abysmally low that it rivals the legendary Jill Green - and she hasn't scored!
Meanwhile, having struck rock bottom and continued to dig, we find Adam "Hoover" Tinker, with a score so abysmally low that it rivals the legendary Jill Green - and she hasn't scored!
Several individuals who shall remain nameless...
....have managed to enter last year's pool, including defending champion Glenn "It rhymes with I win again" Sharp. Other unindicted co-conspirators include Brother Dave Mahon, Connie "Wis CONNNNsin" Liggett, Sandy "How the hell did Steve get it right?" Richards, Nelson "Ozzie" Swainson, Robert "Mini" Cooper, Leigh "Ann" Joseph and Bill "Streaming Video" Kelso.
The Committee is attempting to merge the two pools. We have enlisted the assistance of the good folks at Perfection Heating & Air ("The Poorly Named Company") and our phone company, Telco (the "We make Britney Spears look like she has her act together" company), so this problem should be resolved soon.*
The problem appears to be related to the oft-cited "but the good thing is that it rolls over to next year" f/x enhancement feature. Also, some people don't follow directions. (I know, I know - I'll get the blame. Fair enough. But you have to wonder how 52 people get it right and 9 people get it wrong.**)
* I doubt it. But that's what you are supposed to say, isn't it? Wouldn't want to start a panic.
** To be fair, Jill Green didn't make either bracket. Enough said.
The Committee is attempting to merge the two pools. We have enlisted the assistance of the good folks at Perfection Heating & Air ("The Poorly Named Company") and our phone company, Telco (the "We make Britney Spears look like she has her act together" company), so this problem should be resolved soon.*
The problem appears to be related to the oft-cited "but the good thing is that it rolls over to next year" f/x enhancement feature. Also, some people don't follow directions. (I know, I know - I'll get the blame. Fair enough. But you have to wonder how 52 people get it right and 9 people get it wrong.**)
* I doubt it. But that's what you are supposed to say, isn't it? Wouldn't want to start a panic.
** To be fair, Jill Green didn't make either bracket. Enough said.
Conspiracy?
A number of contestants are in 32d place. The highest degree a Freemason can attain is 32. The Freemasons were founded in honor of the Knights Templar (Pauperes commilitones Christi Templique Solomonici). The Knights Templar were a secret society that many believe still exist. Their leader was Jacques de Molay, who was burned alive at the stake in 1307. Yesterday Team 1040 had a lengthy discourse regarding the burning of wood (and brackets). Greg Gilbert's phone extension is 6500, which totals 11(6+5+0+0). 1307, when totaled (1+3+0+7) also equals 11.
Could all be a coincidence. But the odds are astronomical.
One things is for sure, though. Wherever the Knights Templar are I bet they get to use streaming video to watch the tournament.
Could all be a coincidence. But the odds are astronomical.
One things is for sure, though. Wherever the Knights Templar are I bet they get to use streaming video to watch the tournament.
Bailes and Wiley Mired in 32d; Green in Last Again
Looking to surpass her enfeebled effort from last year, Jill Green has once again surged to the bottom of the standings to the amazement of almost no one.
"It's still early," Green maintained from a secure location that was not located anywhere near a bar of any kind.
Technical difficulties continue to plague several participants. Or they could just be dumbasses. In any event, the Committee is expected to rule on their appeal within 24 hours. This could be very controversial, which is always fun.
Allison Pressley grabs the early lead from her beach chair in the Bahamas. Don't get a nosebleed up there, Allison. Of course, her early lead is really just a function of the alphabet, but no one ever said life was fair.
Buddy Hamilton has impressed the Committee. Buddy, who is related to a Master Beef Producer, is historically eliminated around the 7th game of the first round. Well done, Mr. Hamilton. Rumors continue to swirl that a scandal involving a certain Maryville Master Beef Producer will emerge at any moment.
Jessica Stanford (formerly known as Jessica Thomas-Stanford), has dropped the hypen.
Group Standings
Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Allison Pressley 18 3 585 63 Kansas (162)
1 Andrew Hartung 18 3 619 63 UCLA (125)
1 Andrew P 18 3 577 63 North Carolina (100)
1 Anita Brown 18 3 592 63 North Carolina (166)
1 Ben Alexander 18 3 586 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Beverly Mack 18 3 565 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Bill Kelso 18 3 656 63 North Carolina (142)
1 Buddy Hamilton 18 3 637 63 North Carolina (152)
1 Cara Cardell 18 3 592 63 Tennessee (166)
1 Christie Knapper 18 3 586 63 North Carolina (164)
1 Connie Leggett 18 3 571 63 UCLA (135)
1 danny pressley 18 3 608 63 Tennessee (151)
1 Greg Marret 18 3 714 63 UCLA (155)
1 Jeff Potter 18 3 617 63 Texas (158)
1 Jessica Cooper 18 3 687 63 Tennessee (132)
1 Jessica Stanford 18 3 614 63 North Carolina (124)
1 Jim McCollum 18 3 645 63 Kansas (144)
1 Joe Krumdieck 18 3 639 63 Kansas (145)
1 Karen Cobb 18 3 576 63 Tennessee (152)
1 Kelly Fitzpatrick 18 3 611 63 North Carolina (131)
1 Kristen Hicks 18 3 709 63 Kansas (127)
1 Mark Beeler 18 3 676 63 North Carolina (154)
1 Mark Smith 18 3 604 63 Tennessee (171)
1 Mark Worthington 18 3 602 63 Tennessee (160)
1 Phyllis Hodge (1) 18 3 636 63 Tennessee (159)
1 Phyllis Hodge (2) 18 3 597 63 UCLA (159)
1 Robert Freeman 18 3 621 63 Duke (122)
1 Sam Pressley 18 3 680 63 Duke (159)
1 Sandy Richards 18 3 606 63 Kansas (175)
1 Steve Richards 18 3 577 63 Kansas (159)
1 Whitney Danehy 18 3 609 63 North Carolina (143)
32 Amy Holley 12 2 632 62 North Carolina (100)
32 Clay Irby 12 2 741 62 Tennessee (142)
32 Debbie Christison 12 2 586 61 North Carolina (142)
32 Gina Kent 12 2 794 62 UCLA (167)
32 greg erickson 12 2 632 61 North Carolina (137)
32 Jake Hutchison 12 2 664 62 Tennessee (183)
32 Jason Hamilton 12 2 632 61 North Carolina (171)
32 John Bailes 12 2 661 62 Texas (143)
32 Joshua Wiley 12 2 607 62 Texas (168)
32 Sara Wilch 12 2 605 61 Texas (124)
32 Sarah Singleton 12 2 662 62 Tennessee (166)
32 Todd Bealer 12 2 579 62 North Carolina (172)
44 Gina Swainson 8 2 630 62 Tennessee (141)
44 Jeff Mahon 8 2 745 61 North Carolina (151)
44 Kim Mahon 8 2 758 62 Pittsburgh (156)
44 Marianne Nichols 8 2 615 62 Memphis (153)
44 Mark King 8 2 605 62 UCLA (147)
44 Melissa Miller 8 2 636 62 North Carolina (147)
50 Adam Tinker 2 1 709 60 North Carolina (140)
50 Scott Looney 2 1 617 61 Kansas (162)
52 Andy Still 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Brooke Thurman 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Dave Mahon 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Hope Davenport 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Jill Green 0 0 0 0 ()
"It's still early," Green maintained from a secure location that was not located anywhere near a bar of any kind.
Technical difficulties continue to plague several participants. Or they could just be dumbasses. In any event, the Committee is expected to rule on their appeal within 24 hours. This could be very controversial, which is always fun.
Allison Pressley grabs the early lead from her beach chair in the Bahamas. Don't get a nosebleed up there, Allison. Of course, her early lead is really just a function of the alphabet, but no one ever said life was fair.
Buddy Hamilton has impressed the Committee. Buddy, who is related to a Master Beef Producer, is historically eliminated around the 7th game of the first round. Well done, Mr. Hamilton. Rumors continue to swirl that a scandal involving a certain Maryville Master Beef Producer will emerge at any moment.
Jessica Stanford (formerly known as Jessica Thomas-Stanford), has dropped the hypen.
Group Standings
Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Allison Pressley 18 3 585 63 Kansas (162)
1 Andrew Hartung 18 3 619 63 UCLA (125)
1 Andrew P 18 3 577 63 North Carolina (100)
1 Anita Brown 18 3 592 63 North Carolina (166)
1 Ben Alexander 18 3 586 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Beverly Mack 18 3 565 63 North Carolina (150)
1 Bill Kelso 18 3 656 63 North Carolina (142)
1 Buddy Hamilton 18 3 637 63 North Carolina (152)
1 Cara Cardell 18 3 592 63 Tennessee (166)
1 Christie Knapper 18 3 586 63 North Carolina (164)
1 Connie Leggett 18 3 571 63 UCLA (135)
1 danny pressley 18 3 608 63 Tennessee (151)
1 Greg Marret 18 3 714 63 UCLA (155)
1 Jeff Potter 18 3 617 63 Texas (158)
1 Jessica Cooper 18 3 687 63 Tennessee (132)
1 Jessica Stanford 18 3 614 63 North Carolina (124)
1 Jim McCollum 18 3 645 63 Kansas (144)
1 Joe Krumdieck 18 3 639 63 Kansas (145)
1 Karen Cobb 18 3 576 63 Tennessee (152)
1 Kelly Fitzpatrick 18 3 611 63 North Carolina (131)
1 Kristen Hicks 18 3 709 63 Kansas (127)
1 Mark Beeler 18 3 676 63 North Carolina (154)
1 Mark Smith 18 3 604 63 Tennessee (171)
1 Mark Worthington 18 3 602 63 Tennessee (160)
1 Phyllis Hodge (1) 18 3 636 63 Tennessee (159)
1 Phyllis Hodge (2) 18 3 597 63 UCLA (159)
1 Robert Freeman 18 3 621 63 Duke (122)
1 Sam Pressley 18 3 680 63 Duke (159)
1 Sandy Richards 18 3 606 63 Kansas (175)
1 Steve Richards 18 3 577 63 Kansas (159)
1 Whitney Danehy 18 3 609 63 North Carolina (143)
32 Amy Holley 12 2 632 62 North Carolina (100)
32 Clay Irby 12 2 741 62 Tennessee (142)
32 Debbie Christison 12 2 586 61 North Carolina (142)
32 Gina Kent 12 2 794 62 UCLA (167)
32 greg erickson 12 2 632 61 North Carolina (137)
32 Jake Hutchison 12 2 664 62 Tennessee (183)
32 Jason Hamilton 12 2 632 61 North Carolina (171)
32 John Bailes 12 2 661 62 Texas (143)
32 Joshua Wiley 12 2 607 62 Texas (168)
32 Sara Wilch 12 2 605 61 Texas (124)
32 Sarah Singleton 12 2 662 62 Tennessee (166)
32 Todd Bealer 12 2 579 62 North Carolina (172)
44 Gina Swainson 8 2 630 62 Tennessee (141)
44 Jeff Mahon 8 2 745 61 North Carolina (151)
44 Kim Mahon 8 2 758 62 Pittsburgh (156)
44 Marianne Nichols 8 2 615 62 Memphis (153)
44 Mark King 8 2 605 62 UCLA (147)
44 Melissa Miller 8 2 636 62 North Carolina (147)
50 Adam Tinker 2 1 709 60 North Carolina (140)
50 Scott Looney 2 1 617 61 Kansas (162)
52 Andy Still 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Brooke Thurman 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Dave Mahon 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Hope Davenport 0 0 0 0 ()
52 Jill Green 0 0 0 0 ()
Counting Heirs
A project to identify the estimated three living million heirs of Confucius is set to wrap up later this year.
No word yet on the where the family reunion will be held.
No word yet on the where the family reunion will be held.
Gilbert Email Update
This just in:
Contrary to the rumor being spread by in the audit department, in his last email Greg Gilbert did not say "Stop screaming." He said, "Stop streaming."
Clearly this is a reference to "firm flow."
Contrary to the rumor being spread by in the audit department, in his last email Greg Gilbert did not say "Stop screaming." He said, "Stop streaming."
Clearly this is a reference to "firm flow."
In the Tax Hub
Whitney: *&%^. *&^% this *&%$. What was I thinking? *&^%!
Amy: I know, I picked Xavier, too.
Scott:
Jake: I thought you were talking about the AMT issue you were having.
Whitney: *&^% no. It's tournament time, baby!
Angela: What the &^%$ are you talking about out here, Team 1040!
Marianne: Go Team 1040! Go!
John: Dang it! Gosh Dang it!
Becca: I am SOOOO happy that you are swearing, John. It's good for you!
John: [unprintable]
Debbie: Hello. Hello. Hello. Cool. It really does echo in my office.
Kelly: I made the *&^%$#@! newsletter!
Clay: Hey! Greg Gilbert asked me to write the "stop streaming the games on your computer and get to work !!" email. A little quiet, please.
Gilbert: I picked Xavier, too. &^%$!!!!!
Amy: I know, I picked Xavier, too.
Scott:
Jake: I thought you were talking about the AMT issue you were having.
Whitney: *&^% no. It's tournament time, baby!
Angela: What the &^%$ are you talking about out here, Team 1040!
Marianne: Go Team 1040! Go!
John: Dang it! Gosh Dang it!
Becca: I am SOOOO happy that you are swearing, John. It's good for you!
John: [unprintable]
Debbie: Hello. Hello. Hello. Cool. It really does echo in my office.
Kelly: I made the *&^%$#@! newsletter!
Clay: Hey! Greg Gilbert asked me to write the "stop streaming the games on your computer and get to work !!" email. A little quiet, please.
Gilbert: I picked Xavier, too. &^%$!!!!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Having Trouble with Your Bracket?
Here's a thought: beer!
Ever since there have been scientists, there have been those who are wildly successful, publishing one well-received paper after another, and those who are not. And since nearly the same time, there have been scholars arguing over what makes the difference.
What is it that gives one bracketologist the March Madness IQ of an Einstein and another the March Madness IQ of Jeff Mahon (last year's No. 1 Loser)?
Ever since there have been scientists, there have been those who are wildly successful, publishing one well-received paper after another, and those who are not. And since nearly the same time, there have been scholars arguing over what makes the difference.
What is it that gives one bracketologist the March Madness IQ of an Einstein and another the March Madness IQ of Jeff Mahon (last year's No. 1 Loser)?
After years of argument over the roles of factors like genius, sex and dumb luck, a new study shows that something entirely unexpected and considerably sudsier may be at play in determining the success or failure of scientists — beer.
According to the study, published in February in Oikos, a highly respected scientific journal (so what if YOU never heard of it - it's still highly respected), the more beer a bracketologist drinks, the more likely the bracketologist is to have a respectable bracket.
This theory is in the New York Times so it has to be true.Scoring Revised (Kind of)
Non-participant Amy Bryant writes:
Not that I care, but what about the scoring?
Good point. Each round is weighted, with a bias towards the later rounds. Originally, the plan was to score as follows:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 7 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 19 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
But that wasn't nearly confusing enough. So The Committee voted 2-1 to change it to:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Multipy by seed ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 12 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Multiply seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 48 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
Note the multiplication rounds! They promise to play havoc with the final score, no? Unfortunately, we're not sure which one will actually be applied because we don't understand which version was saved and every time I go back in it shows no bonus, but it seems a lot more like Yu-Gi-Oh this way, which means everyone has a chance to win.
Because in America today, everyone should get a trophy.
Not that I care, but what about the scoring?
Good point. Each round is weighted, with a bias towards the later rounds. Originally, the plan was to score as follows:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 7 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 19 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
But that wasn't nearly confusing enough. So The Committee voted 2-1 to change it to:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Multipy by seed ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 12 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Multiply seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 48 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
Note the multiplication rounds! They promise to play havoc with the final score, no? Unfortunately, we're not sure which one will actually be applied because we don't understand which version was saved and every time I go back in it shows no bonus, but it seems a lot more like Yu-Gi-Oh this way, which means everyone has a chance to win.
Because in America today, everyone should get a trophy.
Just for Lost Fans
Well, now that we know that Michael is Ben's spy on the boat, I wonder how he got on the boat. Originally I thought - no problemo - Ben pointed him in the right direction and he was intercepted by the freighter. But the more I think about it, the less sense that makes. Now I know Lost doesn't always make sense, but this would really be troubling.
Michael left the island what, a little over a month or so ago in island time. Are we really supposed to believe that the freighter picks him up in the middle of the Pacific with a small boy and the Captain says, "Great! You want a job as a janitor, because we forgot to bring one?"
Doesn't work for me, especially since we have to assume that the freighter guys know who he is because they know everyone who was on flight 815.
No, this is a Widmore boat, and Widmore is a man on a mission. The only way for him to have become a part of the freighter crew is via time travel. That's logical, no? And it's also totally cool and consistent with the show.
It's also probably wrong. But I am going to go with that for now.
And martini or no martini, one of these dumb ass cast members had better ask someone like Ben or Juliet or Alex or Karl "what the hell is going on?" How is it that none of them seem all that curious, because I know I would be getting some answers if I was on the island. I'd make Sayid look like pansy.
If you don't follow any of this then I am guessing you don't watch the show. Too bad.
Michael left the island what, a little over a month or so ago in island time. Are we really supposed to believe that the freighter picks him up in the middle of the Pacific with a small boy and the Captain says, "Great! You want a job as a janitor, because we forgot to bring one?"
Doesn't work for me, especially since we have to assume that the freighter guys know who he is because they know everyone who was on flight 815.
No, this is a Widmore boat, and Widmore is a man on a mission. The only way for him to have become a part of the freighter crew is via time travel. That's logical, no? And it's also totally cool and consistent with the show.
It's also probably wrong. But I am going to go with that for now.
And martini or no martini, one of these dumb ass cast members had better ask someone like Ben or Juliet or Alex or Karl "what the hell is going on?" How is it that none of them seem all that curious, because I know I would be getting some answers if I was on the island. I'd make Sayid look like pansy.
If you don't follow any of this then I am guessing you don't watch the show. Too bad.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
True Story
When I first approached Natalia McCleary about the tournament, she told me that "she ain't never done sports." (or words to that effect)
I was stunned.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "This isn't sports. It's related to a sport, but it's not sports. Nobody even breaks a sweat (except for Randy Tindell and Mark Worthington). Besides, I explained, in English a double negative forms a positive. So I guess I'll be getting a bracket from you."
"No," she replied quickly. "In Russian a double negative is still a negative."
"Well, I don't know about that. But I do know that there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
To which a somewhat weary Gina Swainson responded "Yeah, right."
I was stunned.
"What do you mean?" I asked. "This isn't sports. It's related to a sport, but it's not sports. Nobody even breaks a sweat (except for Randy Tindell and Mark Worthington). Besides, I explained, in English a double negative forms a positive. So I guess I'll be getting a bracket from you."
"No," she replied quickly. "In Russian a double negative is still a negative."
"Well, I don't know about that. But I do know that there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
To which a somewhat weary Gina Swainson responded "Yeah, right."
This Just In
A new feature (stolen from Letterman) - LBMC Brushes with Greatness!!!!! (Christie Knapper approvedexclamation marks)
Cara "Muscles" Cardell has actually touched M.C. Hammer.
So it appears you really could touch this. Whatever "this" is.
Cara "Muscles" Cardell has actually touched M.C. Hammer.
So it appears you really could touch this. Whatever "this" is.
The official "New Wave Sissy Boy 80s Hits You Were Afraid To Admit You Liked In High School" playlist
Anything with the word "Kajagoogoo" has got to be pretty special.* The playlist is here.
Bonus points for anyone who can explain the role of the midgets** in the MTV classic music video for the "Safety Dance" from Men Without Hats.
*I didn't go to high school in the 1980s. But then again, neither did a lot of you.
** Not a reference to anyone in the office.
That bracket won't float, but it will burn!
Rookie Whitney Danehy has completed her bracket and it’s clear she put some thought into it. The Committee was so impressed that we contacted Danehy for an interview. As you can see below, it got out of hand when that whole section of the office got back from lunch
Committee: You any relation to Brian Dennehey? I knows he spells it differently, but still. He reminds me a lot of my friend Tom from
Whitney:
Committee: Anyway, impressive bracket - for a rookie.
Whitney: Thanks.
Committee:Got to tell you though, we just don't see Drake beating UCLA in the Sweet 16. What's up with that?
Whitney: Drake? I thought they had mispelled "Duke." ……….Just kidding! Had you going there for a second, huh?
Committee: Why I oughta.....
Whitney:But seriously, Drake went 28-4, they almost beat the Gaels of St. Mary's and their best player is Adam Emmenecker. It's located in
Committee:You know, of course, that a drake is a male duck, right?
Whitney: Er...no, I didn't. Your point?
Committee:Bear with me. Why do some brackets burn?
Whitney:B... 'cause they're made of... wood?
Committee: Correct! So, how do we tell whether your bracket is made of wood?
Committee: Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
Jake Hutchison: Oh, yeah. True.
Committee:Does wood sink in water?
Whitney: No.
Hope Davenport: No, it floats! It floats!
Committee: What also floats in water?
Angela Sparks: Bread!
Scott Looney: Uh, very small rocks!
Greg Gilbert: A duck!
Committee: Exactly. So, logically...
Greg Gilbert: If... her... bracket relies heavily on a team named after a duck... then it must be...made of wood!
Committee: And therefore?
Greg Gilbert: Her bracket will burn!
Committee: Precisely!
Whitney: Damn.
You might be interested to learn this. Or not.
Is the long correction in the stock market than began early last summer when the NYSE Advance/Decline Line topped out ending?Or, the market could go down. (I flipped a coin to yield that analysis).
Some commentators are looking for a resumption of the advance that began in October 2002. A number of market indicators support this view:
(1) The New Low List has been declining as the popular averages move lower, a positive divergence;
(2) The DJ Transportation Index (TRAN), which I utilize as a proxy for cyclical issues, remains well above its January 22, 2008, low setting up a positive divergence with the popular indices;
(3) the NYSE Short Interest Ratio, the number of days average volume represented by the short positions outstanding, rose to 10.0 in mid-February from 9.4 a month earlier, a high level;
(4)Put/Call Ratios Are Rising – The CBOE Put/Call Ratio has been rising for over a week with put buying being about twice its level as in mid-October when the DJIA made its high;
(5) The Financial sector has been under intense selling pressure in what I regard as the final chapter of this drama that began in early 2007. As anticipated in several reports, the “risk premium in the banks” has been significantly reduced with the KBW Bank Index (BKX) of the nation’s 24 largest banks down 21% from its February 1, 2008, close;
(6) My proprietary “Last Hour Indicator” is near a new high with the S&P 500 very close to its low, a bullish divergence and a buy signal;
(7) My proprietary “Diaper Indicator” that measures the difference between advancing and declining volume and its rate of change produced a buy signal at the close last night; and
(8) Leadership remains intact – the charts of the S&P Supercomposite Industrials Index (S15INDU) and the Philadelphia Oil Service Index (OSX) and other energy proxies remain intact despite a ten month correction.
I think what I really need to know is this: What's the deal with Kansas State - USC?
Health Tip
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of re d wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is what kills you.
What about scoring? (Revised)
Non-participant Amy Bryant writes:
Not that I care, but what about the scoring?
Good point. Each round is weighted, with a bias towards the later rounds. Originally, the plan was to score as follows:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 7 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 19 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
But that wasn't nearly confusing enough. So The Committee voted 2-1 to change it to:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Multipy by seed ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 12 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Multiply seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 48 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
Note the multiplication rounds! They promise to play havoc with the final score, no? Unfortunately, we're not sure which one will actually be applied because we don't understand which version was saved and every time I go back in it shows no bonus, but it seems a lot more like Yu-Gi-Oh this way, which means everyone has a chance to win.
Because in America today, everyone should get a trophy.
Not that I care, but what about the scoring?
Good point. Each round is weighted, with a bias towards the later rounds. Originally, the plan was to score as follows:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 7 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 19 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
But that wasn't nearly confusing enough. So The Committee voted 2-1 to change it to:
Round Points Bonus
1 1 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #9 beats a #8 you get 10 pts)
2 2 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #5 wins you get 7 pts)
Sweet 16 4 Multipy by seed ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 12 pts)
Elite 8 8 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 9 pts)
Final 4 16 Multiply seed to total ( e.g., if a #3 wins you get 48 pts)
Championship 32 Add seed to total ( e.g., if a #1 wins you get 33 pts)
Note the multiplication rounds! They promise to play havoc with the final score, no? Unfortunately, we're not sure which one will actually be applied because we don't understand which version was saved and every time I go back in it shows no bonus, but it seems a lot more like Yu-Gi-Oh this way, which means everyone has a chance to win.
Because in America today, everyone should get a trophy.
What about tonight's game?
Former Witness Protection Plan Participant [Name Withheld but he goes by Andrew Pitts in his emails] writes:
What about the play-in game tonight? Coppin State v. Mount St. Marys?
Good question.
Unfortunately there is more interest in the betting pool regarding the colors John "Skittles" Bailes uses in the weekly tax section email than in the play-in game.
What about the play-in game tonight? Coppin State v. Mount St. Marys?
Good question.
Unfortunately there is more interest in the betting pool regarding the colors John "Skittles" Bailes uses in the weekly tax section email than in the play-in game.
And now a word from Technology
New reader Paul Baxter writes:
I never thought about it. Turning the lights on when we leave the office, I mean. I guess we could do that. Then again, Stacy is pretty type-A. That sort of upheaval might throw the whole technology section into chaos.
Guess we'll just leave them off when we leave.
Strange Coincidence
Alert reader Danny Pressley writes:
Right, Becca?
You know, I was thinking that if Hollie Hissam had married Amy Holley's husband's brother then her name would now be Hollie Holley.True. But on the employee directory she'd be Holley, Hollie. And THAT could get pretty confusing.
Right, Becca?
Actual Conversation
Becca Krumdieck: So. What is THE deal? Are you, like, doing Jim McCollum's bracket this year?
Me: Huh?
Becca: I am TOTALLY confused.
Me: Huh?
Becca: Is it $2 or $10 this year? I got two emails and, like, they seem kind of contradictory. And what does Patio Furniture have to do with March Madness?
Me: Huh?
Becca: So how much is it to play in your tournament? I guess Jim isn't having one this year. I used to play in his. I almost like totally won one year, but they told me I didn't win because the blue team got beat by the red team.
Me: Jim is still having one - but it is very expensive. We have one, too. It's all inclusive and we've kept our entry fee at Wal-Mart levels to insure maximum participation. Plus we have a newsletter.
Becca: So we are having two brackets this year?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Becca: Oh. My. God. I was so confused! It's like, well, you know, I thought there was just one this year or something. Whatever.
Me: So what are you going to do?
Becca: I think I'll play in Jim's bracket.
Me: I think that's wise.
Me: Huh?
Becca: I am TOTALLY confused.
Me: Huh?
Becca: Is it $2 or $10 this year? I got two emails and, like, they seem kind of contradictory. And what does Patio Furniture have to do with March Madness?
Me: Huh?
Becca: So how much is it to play in your tournament? I guess Jim isn't having one this year. I used to play in his. I almost like totally won one year, but they told me I didn't win because the blue team got beat by the red team.
Me: Jim is still having one - but it is very expensive. We have one, too. It's all inclusive and we've kept our entry fee at Wal-Mart levels to insure maximum participation. Plus we have a newsletter.
Becca: So we are having two brackets this year?
Me: Uh, yeah.
Becca: Oh. My. God. I was so confused! It's like, well, you know, I thought there was just one this year or something. Whatever.
Me: So what are you going to do?
Becca: I think I'll play in Jim's bracket.
Me: I think that's wise.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Lame. Just trying to prepare some of you for my analysis of your brackets.
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.
Token Irish Jokes
Three Irishmen -- Paddy, Sean and Seamus -- were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy. "It's Michael O'Grady's grave. You remember Michael, from Cork? God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "And here's Patrick O'Toole, from Limerick. Iit says here he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Seamus yells out, "Saints preserve us! Here's a fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles. From Dublin."
Mary Clancy
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Farther O'Grady.
"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says Father O'Grady. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"
"That he did, Father ... " says Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?" inquires Father O'Grady.
"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun!' "
John Bailes' Bracket Bromides
This entry is being made in really small font in honor of John.
John: Dang it. &^% Dang it! I can't this *&^%$#@! thing to work. Dang it!
Me: Did you register?
John: I understand Eric Cartman a lot better at this moment.
John: Dang it. &^% Dang it! I can't this *&^%$#@! thing to work. Dang it!
Me: Did you register?
John: I understand Eric Cartman a lot better at this moment.
Something to think about before you pick
According to Business Week magazine, the average American has five credit cards. That compares with China where there is only one credit card per 33 people and India where the figure is one card per 65 people.
Fine. But in those countries if you're "one-in-a-million" there are 1,500 just like you, so it really doesn't mean that much.
Besides, they don't have March Madness.
Fine. But in those countries if you're "one-in-a-million" there are 1,500 just like you, so it really doesn't mean that much.
Besides, they don't have March Madness.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Get your brackets here! Fresh hot brackets!
You are invited to join THE non-elitist, guaranteed fun online LBMC NCAA March Madness bracket group! To accept this invitation and join the group, click HERE (or cut and paste the link below into your unibrowser's address bar).
You'll be asked to register (takes two minutes) and to enter the group's password before you can join. The group password (black) is not included below. Just to piss off IT.
http://lbmcknox.mayhem.sportsline.com/e
Good luck.
You'll be asked to register (takes two minutes) and to enter the group's password before you can join. The group password (black) is not included below. Just to piss off IT.
http://lbmcknox.mayhem.sportsline.com/e
Good luck.
Where's Danny?
Inspired by the children's series, "Where's Waldo?", let's see if we can find Danny today.
Allison Pressley Update
New reader Allison Pressley writes:
Danny doesn't even know what a blog is. That said, I wish you hadn't mentioned that Blue Man idea to him. He may be thinking about it.
Based on his email...
.... I think I have to vote for Keanu Reaves to play Jim McCollum in LBMC: The Movie. If you listen closely you can practically hear him say, "Go San Dimas High Football!"
But I digress.
It's true, Jim runs an elite bracket. Of course, that's the same adjective applied to Eliot Spitzer's call girl, and we all know how that turned out.
If money is what interests you then McCollum's place is where you need to be, you bourgeois pig. But I would like to point out that Jim's bracket, by his own admission, is only "pretty fun."In contrast, the Committee guarantees* you'll have fun. Your choice. But $10 is a lot to spend for "pretty fun" if you ask me.
* Not available in all states (e.g., liquid, gas or solid). Some exclusions may apply. I am not responsible for your personal problems.
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